I myself have been divorced for four years and at the time that we went through the divorce and separation there were a lot of emotions flying around and it was a difficult time.
So if you are in this situation I can appreciate the emotional rollercoaster that you’re going through at the moment.
However, the good thing that my ex-spouse and I did, we always put our children first when making any decision when it comes to the future.
We followed these seven steps to ensure our children would make it through this difficult time with the least amount of psychological damage as possible and also the transition from a marital relationship to a parental one as smoothly as possible:
1) Partners of purpose
You cannot change who the mother or father of your children are and whether you like it or not, you are going to be involved in this partnership for life.
The purpose of your partnership is to be the best possible mother or father for your children and offer them all the love, support and guidance they need.
2) Accept and appreciate
Although this may be difficult at times, the quicker you can accept your current situation, the faster you will be able to move forward with your life as a mother or father to your children.
Appreciating your ex-spouse for what they do for your children will also encourage them to do more for your children.
3) Respect for your relationship
Always be respectful towards your ex, especially when your children are present.
Instead of getting into a slanging match about who is right or wrong, resorting to name calling, or other verbal insults, be respectful in your communication. You now have a new relationship with your ex; a parental relationship and your children’s future wellbeing should be the main topic of your conversation, particularly if there is still some lingering resentment.
4) Expecting to enhance
Something that can cause a lot of angst in the relationship will be having different expectations. This is where it can be difficult, because what you expect of someone else can be completely different of what they expect and vice versa. Setting those clear expectations straight up can have long lasting benefits. Together with these expectations it is also important to enhance your ability as a mother or father.
So always be looking to upskill yourself. That could be reading books, reading magazines, viewing webinars, reading blogs online or whatever it is.
5) Nurturing your network
Your children want you there to love them, support them, guide them and provide them with a safe and loving environment as well.
The nurturing that you do with your children could be as simple as going out and spending some time in nature or at their favourite playground. As you go through this period that’s quite a difficult phase in life, use your network as well.
Use your network of family and friends to support you. Use that network to lean on, to talk about any problems that you might have, any feeling or emotions you’re feeling but make sure you never do that in front of the children.
6) Trust in the transition
You need to work hard to rebuild the trust that you have with your children and also with your ex-spouse.
This can be more difficult than it actually seems because depending on how your relationship with your ex-spouse is and depending on what the circumstances were surrounding your split with them, building this trust could be quite a difficult thing to do and it’s going to take time.
You will get through this transition and in time it will become easier. The more you work at it, the more adaptability you offer, the greater your flexibility, the more that you can compromise, the easier and quicker this transition will be.
7) Simplify for success
Don’t get too caught up in the emotions and don’t listen to what other people have to tell you. Even if their advice to you may seem like a good idea only you can know what’s best for yourself, your children and your ex-spouse. With all these factors in place and by making your children your top priority I’m sure you will see success.
It may be a lot harder than you think but I can guarantee you the results are well and truly worth it.
When you have a fantastic relationship with your ex-spouse and also with your children, it makes life so much easier.
What things did you found worked for you and your partner when you went through a divorce? Please SHARE below.