A mum has asked if she is being unreasonable to refuse to contribute to her friend’s honeymoon fund as part of their wedding gift.

Posting on Mumsnet, a mum has asked if she is being unreasonable to feel uncomfortable contributing to her friend’s honeymoon fund.

The mum says that she would normally choose to buy an alternative gift, but because these are some of her closest friends, there is more pressure to make a contribution even though she believes a honeymoon is a luxury that should be self-funded.

An Awkward Situation

Being such close friends with the bride has made the whole situation more awkward as the mum says she knows their financial position and doesn’t believe they are deserving of help to fund their trip.

“They both earn good money but spend way beyond their means,” she wrote in her post. “She tells me so and will quite happily admit to maxing several credit cards to pay for 1000 pounds plus on gifts, holidays abroad, expensive trips, etc.”

The mum’s post went on to say that she wouldn’t usually contribute to a honeymoon fund when given the option, but is struggling to think of another gift idea.

“I don’t want to fund their honeymoon when they could budget for that themselves,” she said. “They are going away to Europe a week or so after the wedding as part of an elaborate birthday gift but they don’t want that to be the honeymoon as it is not enough apparently.”

No Difference

Comments on the mum’s post said that refusing to contribute to the couple’s preferred gift option was just making things harder than they need to be.

“I think this is a bit judgy,” one comment said. “If you want to get them a present, get them what they want instead of trying to insert your own moral principles into the situation.”

“I don’t get this hate towards having money instead of a physical gift,” another said. “Just put the money you would spend on something they will probably never use into an envelope.”

We have to admit that this mum seems to be putting herself under stress when she really doesn’t need to. While honeymoon funds can feel like just asking for cash, at least you know that your contribution will be put to good use instead of sitting unopened in a box somewhere.

Do you think honeymoon funds are a good idea or a step too far? Let us know in the comments.

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  • I really hate giving cash at weddings, birthdays or engagements and usually try to find something that the couple might treasure as a loving gift from us after asking if there is something they would particularly want. So far we have always managed to find something – as for destination weddings – that is becoming a bit much these days. So much easier and nicer to elope and tell everyone once you come back with some magic photos.


  • I know a couple who had lived independently for awhile and already most of what the needed. In fact some of the things they already had two of. Some people had asked them what they would like for a wedding present and said they didn’t want to give them what they already had.
    On the invitations they stated that if they wanted to give a gift one suggestion was travel vouchers.


  • Look at it this way, I would rather give money which will be used, rather than some towels, or home wares that might not get used at all or sold cheaply if the people don’t want it. It also takes the hassle out of having to go shopping for a present!


  • I don’t really think it is a guest’s place to say whether the couple deserves to have a honeymoon paid for or not. If they are putting on a wedding and paying for your attendance, meal (and possibly alcohol), and they ask for cash as a wedding gift so that they can use it on a honeymoon then that is their propagative. I think it’s weird to say “no, that’s a luxury. Here, take this toaster you don’t need instead.” I don’t understand why so many people try to make weddings into a big drama. Just let it be a happy and joyous day.


  • Presents for weddings are different nowadays. Previously people were just starting out so it was easy to give them glasses or a toaster etc. nowadays people have everything before they are married. I think contributing to a honeymoon fund is fine. Youll be helping the couple create memories which is better than something they might just throw in the cupboard and then forget about.


  • I don’t really like giving cash – too impersonal – but there are some situations where it’s the best option.


  • it depends on the situation


  • I think it would be better giving towards the honey moon, than giving something they don’t want or need.


  • If its the only gift its ok, but if an extra gift then I wouldn’t be doing it


  • My brother had a money bag at his wedding and everyone put some money in it so I don’t think this is too bad to ask!

    • Starting out and setting up a home and newly wed life can be expensive and extra funds is always appreciated by people – seems like such a sensible idea.


  • If I’m honest I am starting to get a bit funny with cash for weddings gifts too. It not the cash part because cash or gift I’m in two minds whatever they want. Every single wedding I’ve been to has been a destination wedding. I travelled to the UK when I was 7 months pregnant for my girlfriends wedding, I’ve been to 3 interstate weddings since and that’s all within about 12 months. It costs a fortune in flights, accommodation and not to mention having to take time from work holidays. I really don’t think gifts should be expected in these cases. If it’s something local, happy to splash out!


  • I don’t think this is particularly unusual or unreasonable for that matter.


  • Whether it’s labelled a honeymoon fund or a wishing well it’s same same. While I was just grateful for what I got present wise I think as most people live together for some time before getting married they already have what they want for the home so $’s become the preferred option.


  • Giving money is very common these days so I’m not sure what the problem is. It’s not like it’s an unusual request.


  • Just put the money you would have spent on a gift into the honeymoon fund. Solved.


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