This one is quite a sensitive topic and we appreciate mums sharing their own stories and helpful advice.

**Please be gentle and share any advice you have for this overwhelmed mum**

“I’ve just found out that I am pregnant again! I have two young kids (3 and 6 year old) and just don’t think financially or emotionally, I am able to have another at the moment.

“My mum, who lives in another state, has offered to adopt the baby when he/she is born. Is this even a possibility?

“I always thought adoption was such a long process so I’m not sure if this would work. Also, what happens if I want the baby back in a few years time? So so so torn!”

The options available:

Adoption

Many young parents consider placing their child with a family member to help care for and raise their child. This type of action does not necessarily require any legal action or involvement by the state or an adoption agency. However, if you want to permanently place a child with a family member and allow them to adopt your child, this will require an adoption agency. This is a big decision and should only be done after careful thought.

Kinship

When children can’t live with their parents, someone in the extended family or a family friend might become their primary carer. This arrangement is called kinship care, and these important people are called kinship carers.

Becoming a kinship carer can be a big change, and it isn’t always easy. Some kinship carers say it’s as if their whole world has been turned upside down.

Mums offer advice

The mum received lots of support and advice with many parents suggesting her first option should be to chat to a counsellor and share her concerns with someone who can help her through the process.

One mum shared, “I’m not sure about adoption but they can be the legal guardian and claim a like grandparent payment FTB income tested through centrelink. I’d be speaking with a family lawyer but I’m pretty sure it’s possible.”

Another agreed, “Consider allowing your mum guardianship, not adoption.”

“I would be more going down the lines of legal guardian… However make sure this is done with paperwork etc so if/when the time is right you can have your child back without issues”…wrote another.

Another said, “If they are the legal guardian and you give up your rights then you have no say over the kid. Whether it was your mum adopting the child or a stranger. You don’t automatically get to have the child back because you got your life together.
So you would need to work that out with your mum ahead of time.”

Some mums suggested maybe moving closer to home?

“Can you move to be closer to your mum? If she’s willing to take on your baby, I’m sure she’s be willing to help you out with your three kids if you were closer.”

“Perhaps move back closer to your mum? Join some mummy groups as well. Trust me there is nothing we hate more then a mum stressed about her kids. We will help x”

“If your mum can afford to adopt the baby, then maybe she can afford to help you raise the baby instead.”

 

Share your comments below

  • Very hard. Topic to talk about

    Reply

  • Very difficult question!
    In my idea if the child is adopted by the grandparents, it’s fine. But it’s a final decision. Not giving the child to them, and then wanting him back. Talking with a family lawyer could help indeed in deciding what to do if you want it to be just transitory.
    For the child it would be very challenging otherwise, and you have to think about his well-being. That’s probably why talking to someone to see if you can get some help at the beginning, could be just what you need. Without making a final decision I mean.
    Centrelink could probably help financially, and if you receive some counselling, you could probably find in yourself the strength you have forgotten to have.

    Reply

  • The first thought always comes in my mind after I was pregnant with my second child and also now I am expecting again is whether I am able to take care of my child or not? Will the finances be enough to meet their needs? My husband lost his job 6 months before my DS was born and I was the only earner at that time. But one month before DS was born he got another job which was way better than his lost job. What I have learned through out my pregnancy and mother hood journey is that we go through strange emotions but it doesnt mean we cannot over come them. I am pretty sure that when her new child will come to this world she wont think about the option of adoption or guardianship, this is mother’s love for her baby. Just be strong we are human beings and can survive in any circumstances we only need a bit motivation, positivity and believe in our self. Ask your mom if you can stay with her and pay rent in exchange for her to take care of your new born child. She is your mom and definitely she loves you I am sure when you talk to her about that she will suggest you a better option other than Adoption or guardianship.

    Reply

  • I can understand another pregnancy is emotionally and financially overwhelming. However I would not advise to look into adoption or guardianship by your family, not only will this cause damage in the relationship with your child and guilt along the lines, it most definitely will cause problems and damage in your child in regards to forming relationship, attachments and trust.
    I would ask your family for hands-on-help instead.
    Ask and receive as much help as you can; move up close to your mum, think about a nanny, get counseling, look into Child care, talk with Centrelink.

    Reply

  • Such a hard and tough situation, she’d need to talk to her mother more, and work out how it would all happen, what she wants etc to see if it’s really an option

    Reply

  • My inlaws did this with some of their grand children. The youngest one was ten days old and he was 18 when he found out who his real mum was. His mum was 16 and the year was 1962 so things were different then. He really was in a bad place when he found out and it led to some confusion about his relations. At his wedding it said he was the youngest child but his best man was his younger brother. Those in the know understood what was going on others were so confused. The others were a bit older when taken on by their grand parents or aunt, so knew what was going on. They still refered to their carer at mum and dad or mum.

    Think really hard about what you are doing. In one way you will see the child grow up but knowing you have no real say how that child is rasied . Also what happens when the child finds out who the real parents are and ask why did you keep the other two but not me.

    Reply

  • Yeah it seems a little odd to get your mum to adopt only to think you’ll want them back later? I think it would be wise to get the mum to help

    Reply

  • A very hard decision to have to make, but I really don’t think its fair to uproot the child in a few years if you decide you want it back. That would be so stressful for the child and to them would feel like they were being taken away from their mother to be with someone they dont know well

    Reply

  • I think if I were her I’d be moving closer to mum so she could help out without the necessity of adopting the child. There is a good space between each child so it might be possible that way to keep the current baby. Don’t know what emotion problems there are at present, but can certainly see emotional problems rearing their head down the track.

    Reply

  • such a tricky area

    Reply

  • you can have an open adoption where you get to stay in the child’s life but i hardly think it is good for the child if you decide later you want the child back, would be very upsetting

    Reply

  • Very hard decision to make but at least she still wants to be apart of the child’s life.

    Reply

  • Such a difficult decision to make but I think talking to a professional who can provide unbiased information and advice and help work through the pros and cons of all options would be a good start.

    Reply

  • What an emotional decision to make! I would definelty look into moving closer to mum or in with her while the baby is young. Or if her having the child full time is the final decision. I would draw up an agreement that can be revised any time so it’s not as official as adoption. Prayers are with you and your 3 beautiful children mama xx

    Reply

  • there are a few options out there – not necessarily “adoption” but similar arrangements with family. I hope this mum can come to a decision that is best for her and her family

    Reply

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