This one is quite a sensitive topic and we appreciate mums sharing their own stories and helpful advice.

**Please be gentle and share any advice you have for this overwhelmed mum**

“I’ve just found out that I am pregnant again! I have two young kids (3 and 6 year old) and just don’t think financially or emotionally, I am able to have another at the moment.

“My mum, who lives in another state, has offered to adopt the baby when he/she is born. Is this even a possibility?

“I always thought adoption was such a long process so I’m not sure if this would work. Also, what happens if I want the baby back in a few years time? So so so torn!”

The options available:

Adoption

Many young parents consider placing their child with a family member to help care for and raise their child. This type of action does not necessarily require any legal action or involvement by the state or an adoption agency. However, if you want to permanently place a child with a family member and allow them to adopt your child, this will require an adoption agency. This is a big decision and should only be done after careful thought.

Kinship

When children can’t live with their parents, someone in the extended family or a family friend might become their primary carer. This arrangement is called kinship care, and these important people are called kinship carers.

Becoming a kinship carer can be a big change, and it isn’t always easy. Some kinship carers say it’s as if their whole world has been turned upside down.

Mums offer advice

The mum received lots of support and advice with many parents suggesting her first option should be to chat to a counsellor and share her concerns with someone who can help her through the process.

One mum shared, “I’m not sure about adoption but they can be the legal guardian and claim a like grandparent payment FTB income tested through centrelink. I’d be speaking with a family lawyer but I’m pretty sure it’s possible.”

Another agreed, “Consider allowing your mum guardianship, not adoption.”

“I would be more going down the lines of legal guardian… However make sure this is done with paperwork etc so if/when the time is right you can have your child back without issues”…wrote another.

Another said, “If they are the legal guardian and you give up your rights then you have no say over the kid. Whether it was your mum adopting the child or a stranger. You don’t automatically get to have the child back because you got your life together.
So you would need to work that out with your mum ahead of time.”

Some mums suggested maybe moving closer to home?

“Can you move to be closer to your mum? If she’s willing to take on your baby, I’m sure she’s be willing to help you out with your three kids if you were closer.”

“Perhaps move back closer to your mum? Join some mummy groups as well. Trust me there is nothing we hate more then a mum stressed about her kids. We will help x”

“If your mum can afford to adopt the baby, then maybe she can afford to help you raise the baby instead.”

 

Share your comments below


  • I think given the enormity of the situation its really important to take your time and not rush into anything. Definitely find a good counselor to talk it over with.

    Reply


  • I think you need to consider whether you are definitely going to have the baby. Adoption would be hard for everyone involved i think as it is not as if you won’t be in the childs life, but it could be done. Good luck to this lady, I wish her all the very best at such a hard time.

    Reply


  • It’s absolutely possible. And I think you’ll find an in family adoption is a lot quicker then going on the waiting list to adopt. You could even do it unofficially if you had to, do the paperwork later down the track

    Reply


  • This would be a very hard decision to make. If she’s certain of her inability to look after her child at this time, the the kinship idea is the best option in my opinion. She obviously wants to have her child but can’t and wants what’s best for him/her. Adoption is a serious option and one she might not be able to get her child back from. My grandparents did the kinship thing when I was 15 after my mother didn’t want me living with her anymore. I was suddenly taken out of school and sent to live in a smaller town where I didn’t know anyone my age. It didn’t work out at all as they weren’t able to understand how to help me with my depression and anxiety so got rid of me.

    Reply

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