There are often a number of factors in a person’s life that can lead to the loss of confidence. We are not all born as confident individuals though is there a way to build up your confidence? Often we hear people saying to us, “You just need to be more confident.” But what exactly does that mean?

Confidence is a tricky word, particularly amongst tweens and teens as no one wants to appear too confident or up themselves. Unfortunately, we are living in a ‘tall poppy’ society which pulls down people when they appear to have gotten too big for their boots. It seems to be a popular trend amongst many people to play themselves down in front of others, to not want to appear too happy, too ambitious or too successful. For some people, it is easier to sit in a place of negativity and insecurity but this approach to life, tends to get you nowhere.

To feel confident and have a high level of self-respect and self esteem, we need to believe in who we are as individuals and what skills or gifts we have to offer the world and people around us. It is a feeling of knowing that not everyone is going to necessarily like you but being okay with this.

So how can you build up your confidence?

1. Take stock of what you have achieved

We often focus on all the things we would like to have done or should have done instead of taking a moment to really absorb what we have achieved so far and giving ourselves a pat on the back for it. Focusing on things you have achieved (no matter how small they are) can help you gain some perspective. As a lesson we ask teens to write up some of the things they are most proud of, some of their achievements and write each achievement on a different coloured piece of paper. We then get each person to fold up their achievements and place them in a jar. Keep the jar in your room so you can add to it but also when you are having a bad day, you can open the jar and read some wonderful things that you have achieved. This will elevate how you feel about yourself.

2. What are you good at?

In life, there is no point focusing on activities that you do not enjoy. Even if you are not necessarily great at something but enjoy doing it, it will still elevate your confidence. For example, I am not the world’s most sporty creature but I still get out there and walk and do yoga because I feel great once I am doing something active. Think about what you are good at or what you enjoy and just go out there and do it!

3. Silence the inner bully

There is enough negativity in the world so why add to that by being negative about yourself? Be your own cheerleader! You will never feel confident if you have a non-stop voice in your head talking yourself down. Your self-talk will have a massive impact on the choices you make in your life, the quality of friends, careers and partners you choose are all based on how you feel about yourself. In life, you ALWAYS get what you feel you deserve. If you feel you deserve success, happiness and a loving relationship, this is what you will choose for yourself. If you feel you do not deserve these things, it really is simple..you will not choose them but spend a huge portion of your life angry as to why these things have eluded you.

4. Sign me up

Find a hobby that you enjoy. This is a great way to meet like-minded people who have similar interests to you. When you have great friends around you that appreciate similar interests to you, this elevates your confidence. You find your tribe that ‘speak your language.’

5. Complete it!

When you set out to do something, start it and complete it. There is a real sense of achievement when something has been completed. This elevates confidence and a belief in yourself that you can see things through no matter how long it takes. My first book took me 5 years to write but I completed it, had it published and the sense of achievement once I held that book in my hands was enormous.

6. Be patient

We live in a world of instant gratification. We want things now! Confidence often takes time to build it back up. It will not happen overnight. Think about building a big brick wall. You need to lay the foundation and one at a time, brick by brick, you need to create the wall from the ground up. It does not happen quickly but it will happen if you focus one brick at a time. We are not after a quick fix here. We are after a plan that you can action every day so that life becomes a place that is enjoyable, a place you have a very important role in, a place to shine.

How do you give your confidence a boost? SHARE with us in the comments below.

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  • I have always been shy, though I am confident and comfortable around family and friends.


  • sometimes if you’re lacking confidence, it’s the getting started that is the problem. Not the completion..


  • My daughters boss recently retired. Before she did, she told my daughter she was a lovely young person with so much potential and she was sure she would go far in life, whatever path she chose. Buuuut, she tends to lack confidence in some areas. I definitely agree and will be showing my daughter this article


  • I have always been very shy.
    As a child I was painfully shy…so much so that if anyone knocked on the front door i would run and hide in my bedroom cupboard.
    I dont do that now but im still not overly happy when there is a knock on the front door.


  • I think I’m confident with things that I know and am comfortable with or about. I think age has also given me more confidence to be who I am, not try to pretend, not worry about the small stuff. I think in my 40s I’m the happiest and most confident I’ve ever been with myself, my self esteem, my ability to make good choices for me and my family.


  • Great read ! Think it’s very important to instill confidence in our children & teens, by our example, listening to them/taking time and words & actions of affirmation. Also I’ve learned for every word correction/ discipline there should be at least 5x something positive to bring it in balance.


  • Great tips – especially about social media.


  • I love this! Thank you for the tips.


  • I lacked confidence as a child, probably I never did things right or up to the standard my Dad expected of me. He took the attitude- do as I say not as I do – you learn by good examples, not just words and contradictions., also be seen and not heard. My brother and I got smart and we used to talk to Mum before Dad got home from work. He rarely compromised. I know my Mum didn’t always agree with him but they never argued in front of my brother or me. They waited until we were in bed at night and sound asleep. We had to learn to stand up for ourselves. I remember just after I started work we had a disagreement. He wouldn’t discuss it. He told me to pack my bags and get out. I basically had no money. I had paid board and had to buy new shoes as my old ones were worn out. Mum didn’t wait to discuss that issue out of our hearing. She then came and told me I was going nowhere. It was only a year or so later when a friend of mine helped me to learn to stand up for myself without Dad realising that I really gained confidence and self esteem. He suddenly decided to leave. We could all get on with our lives and learn to communicate without being yelled at.


  • Lke jh


  • This is a great article and so important to get this message out to young women. I see so many young girls establishing their worth by how many Facebook friends they have or how well they fit into their social circle. This to me is so sad. Confidence comes from being happy with who you are and not giving your power away just to fit in.

    • Great feedback and I agree, our new social media world where we are ‘valued’ depending on how popular our last post was, is a very dangerous place to be in. It has to come from within and sadly, can take many years of self work to realize this.


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