A first-time Mum has opened up about her mother’s refusal to meet her grandson because the gran wasn’t present when he was born.

Posting on popular parenting forum Mumsnet, a first-time mum has revealed that her own mother is refusing to meet her baby because she was not allowed in the delivery room. “Mum hates me because she wasn’t at the birth,” she wrote. We all know childbirth can be a stressful experience, so choosing who to have in the room to support you is one thing we don’t want to be worrying about!

Depriving Her Of The Experience

Telling her side of the story, the mum wrote on Mumsnet, “So I had my little boy in August. In the run-up my mum kept demanding she was at the birth because “I won’t cope” and I need her there (I’m 24 and married). I tried to tell her politely that if I need her I’ll send my husband to pick her up straight away and that I’d be fine.”

Sounds reasonable to us, but shortly after her son’s birth, the mum says she was bombarded with angry messages and that her mother is now refusing to see her grandchild.

Should I Feel Guilty?

Whilst most of the comments have been supportive of the mum’s decision, some women said they can understand where the grandmother is coming from. “I kind of feel sorry for your Mum,” one wrote. “No disrespect to you but she sounds so disappointed and upset. I can’t blame her to be honest, receiving a text after her grandchild was born is so impersonal.”

So should this Mum feel guilty or do you have the right to control who is present when you give birth? It’s a tough one, but we feel sorry for both of them that they are missing out on what should be a happy time for the whole family.

Do grandparents have a right to be present at the birth of their grandchildren? Let us know in the comments. 

  • Your mother will regret acting like she is hopefully she will come to her senses before it’s too late… Why can’t she just except that you didn’t need her at the birth you are a big girl & you didn’t need Mummy there .. Do yourself a favour and don’t let what happened upset you anymore .. it’s her problem not YOURS please just Enjoy your baby & your life Hopefully she will wake up too herself SOON


  • This grandmother will come to regret and rue this decision further down the track – and then it will be too late.


  • I don’t think she’s got anything to feel guilty about, I had to have a C-section and was kinda glad it was just me and my husband, the birth of a child is a once in a life time thing, it should be entirely up to the person giving birth who is in the room and who isn’t.


  • First and foremost, it’s the Mum’s choice who is in the birthing room as she gives birth. Most want their husband with them. Her Mum could have waited at the hospital and then she would have seen her grandchild straight away. She had little faith in her daughter to be able to cope giving birth
    without her. I hope she doesn’t live to regret her decision not to have anything to do with her grandchild.


  • Oh my goodness, this poor young Mum should not at all feel guilty but the grandmother should feel completely guilty. What a horrible person she is. How could she treat her daughter like this and then not see her grandchild. How immature she is.


  • It is totally upto the mother giving birth as to who is in that room with her…
    You are at your absolute most vulnerable giving birth and if you dont want anyone there, or you want someone in particular, then that is your choice!
    I decided to have my sister with me with my first child as I felt she would be a better support, not only for me, but my partner.
    My Mum and partner don’t have the greatest relationship and I didn’t want any of their tension rubbing off on me.
    I’m currently pregnant with my second but also now live interstate from my family and have decided I think it best that its just he and I this time around, I hope it doesn’t upset any of his family that live close by, but I’d prefer not to go through that with them there.


  • I told my mum I would be fine and I was fine, my mum understand, my dad needed my mum’s assistance more.


  • Definately the mums decision as to who is in the room.


  • Seriously? HOW VERY DARE SHE? The Grandmother, I mean!! She’s had her time. A new Mum gets to decide who is in the birthing suite with her.. and only she gets to make that call. It is such a personal and intimate event between husband and wife (generally) and as the person giving birth, I think it’s her call. Totally.


  • That is the decision of the mother.


  • What? I cannot see how anyone can get angry at this situation, it is the birthing mother’s choice who or if she has anyone. Hopefully she will come around, better to just let her stew for awhile until she realizes what she is missing out on.


  • I don’t think they should see the birth of their grandchildren.


  • Personally I think it is for the two parents to make the choice, I would never expect to be there if and when my grandchildren are born, just being part of their lives growing up is what it’s all about. Do not feel guilty, that is expectation beyond reality.


  • Each to their own I say. We all make our choices and she may have seen it as a special time between her andher husband


  • The grandmother is so out of line and in the end it will be her loss. Who is in the room is up to the parents – end of story. I dont get these parents who demand things because they are the parents. I do hope this doesnt cause problems for this new family. Best of luck and keep standing your ground for how you want to raise your family.

    • Yes i agree, in the end it will be her loss.


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