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You can be happy after a divorce, but a second marriage with children can be challenging.

Your child will have many questions and insecurities after your second wedding.

Fortunately, there are several ways to help your children accept your second marriage:

1) There is enough love for two

Continue to reassure your child. When you introduce your child to your current spouse, there will probably be a mix of emotions.

Reassure your child that marriage is not a competition for love. Your children need to know you can love them and your new partner in different ways.

You will always love and care for your children, but they need to know you deserve happiness too.

Maintaining two important relationships is a delicate balancing act. When your child is feeling insecure, you and your new spouse should do things to make your children feel important. You are excited about being newly married, but your children’s emotional health should still be a priority.

2) You are still important

Understand that your new marriage might be unsettling to your child. Learning to share your time and gaining new siblings can be a challenge for any child.

Your child might be worried about becoming lost in all the changes. It is important to set aside individual time with your children. Becoming a new family is great, but you still need to make sure you are addressing your child’s concerns.

The adjustment to a second marriage is easier when you make your child’s feelings a priority.

You and your new spouse will have plenty of time alone together when the children are sleeping. Keep the focus on your children’s happiness when they are awake.

3) Set firm boundaries

Make it clear that your spouse is not replacing their other parent. Let their other parent know your children need extra love and care during their adjustment to your new marriage.

If you are considering changing your child’s name, ask your child how she feels about it. Your child might be reluctant to give up part of her identity.

4) Continue to be understanding

Be patient with your children. They may care about your new spouse, but living with a new parent can be overwhelming. Your children might show behavioural problems after the marriage. Forcing them to conform will make these problems worse.

If your new marriage is having a negative impact on your children, consider family counselling.

5) Adjusting to new siblings

If there are two sets of children, do not force them to get along. They may not be ready to refer to each other as siblings.

Forcing them to spend time together will create resentment. In the beginning of your marriage, keep certain things separate. Reassure your children that they do not have to share their belongings until they are comfortable.

You should respect your new spouse’s opinions, but you should also continue to make decisions regarding your children.

If there is a parenting conflict, you should make the final decision. Let your ex-spouse know your new spouse will have a voice in your household.

Do you have anything to add that might help? Please share in the comments below.

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  • It’s a big adjustment for children. Give them time. Do fun things as a family. If there’s one parent with children & the new spouse without, there needs to be a lot more communication between the parent and new spouse. You need to be on the same page.

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  • Do lots of fun activities at the beginning and make sure the step parent gets to know your child so they feel comfortable with the step parent.

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  • I can’t even imagine what it’s like to do this as a parent. However, my step dad came into my life when I was 6 and 27 years later he’s still my step dad. I was young, but we were super lucky he is amazing!

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  • Can be such a big adjustment

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  • It has to be their home, their safe place, so bringing someone else in is a big step. Communication and outings/activities as a family are so important.

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  • Must be so hard for the kids but hopefully with communication it all works out smoothly

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  • I did not marry or even date until my sons had moved out and I was empty nesting. I had raised from 10 annd 12 years by myself with only every second weekend with their dad. I so busy and happy I did not consider I would ever want a new husband until I was coming home to a empty house. I married again the same year both my sons married and have been married 8 years now. So much more challenging the second time round.

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  • Good advice! But it almost sounds like the child isn’t meeting the step parent until the wedding day! One would hope they have a chance to get to know each other prior to the marriage and can work on all of this over time

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  • Such a great article. Am sure at times the parent is also in a new and different phase of life misses out on these points. Very good points to take care.

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  • Family meetings and communication are key (as the kids get older).

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  • I have always felt that if you have children then your children come first. You should never force a new partner on them and they should not be forced to live in the same house with a new partner unless they are happy to do so. its not fair as the child cant move out. When they are older and 18 then you can say well tough luck kid but my new partner is moving in and you have a choice to stay or find your own place.

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  • Blended families are hard. I think both parties need to be on the same page. You need to actually follow through with what you say as children can see what is real or not.

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  • I think communication is always important, not only with your spouse but also with the kids. There are not set rules and every child is different so understand their feelings is so important.

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  • I’m in a blended family and it is definitely not as easy as they make it sound. We have done everything suggested and more and it was still to the point where it was ruining our relationship. Yes the child needs to have their emotions looked after but so do the new partners to a certain degree. When a child is forcing their war between the newly married at every single point of the day or night, this also needs to be addressed in a different way. I guess what I’m trying to say is, everyone’s feelings should be looked after not just one party.

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  • Put your children first & make sure they can still talk to both parties anytime.

    Reply

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