November 13, 2019


It can be difficult to know when your family is complete, but what if you and your partner don’t agree?

With the nuclear family becoming less and less common, and an increasing number of blended families being created, how to know when your family is complete is more difficult than ever. The decision to have another child is ultimately a mutual one – biology dictates that – but what happens if you and your partner have different ideas about how many children you’d like to have?

A Complex Issue

The decision to have another child is not one based only on the feelings of you and your partner, but can also affected by other factors beyond your control. Financial implications, fertility issues and work commitments are just some of the things that need to be taken into consideration.

If your partner has said they don’t want any more children, the question is then whether you feel that decision is one you could live with says. We all know that relationships are built on compromise and respecting your partner’s feelings, but wanting to have another child isn’t really something you can compromise on. This issue becomes increasingly complex when one person brings children from previous relationships to a new relationship, and may not wish to grow their family any further.

What Is More Important?

For many people, the discussion becomes a tug of war between having another child and their relationship, forcing them to make difficult decisions and sacrifices no matter which option they choose. In these circumstances, counselling can be a great way to gain some clarity, confirm your priorities, and perhaps let go of the possibility of having another child if that is what you choose.

Just remember not to force your partner into something they don’t want either – you don’t want to have to twist their arm to convince them that more kids are a good idea! And if all else fails, perhaps getting a puppy is a happy medium?

Have you and your partner had a disagreement about having another child? Let us know in the comments.

  • That’s where we are at the moment, but I want us to agree


  • No we never were in disagreement about that.

    • One of my former friend was in disagreement with her hub about that. She deliberately skipped the pill and became pregnant, whilst her hub wasn’t ready for it. Not a good thing.

      • I knew a lady who did this too. Her husband had really bad depression after their first two were born and she wanted a third, but he said mentally he couldn’t as he was just starting to get his depression under control. She went behind his back and got pregnant on purpose, and it made everything so bad for them. She ended up getting an abortion because she realised she had made a mistake and her husband wasn’t going to come around to the idea. So deceitful on her behalf and it really messed up her family


  • My husband and I didn’t have any problems because I couldn’t have any more anyway. My eldest son’s wife wanted to have one more child but she just wanted to produce a boy after having 3 girls. They talked about it and decided no more children and my son said he’d get the snip so she didn’t need to get surgery. This was his decision and I was so proud of him


  • Definitely communicate and talk realistically without putting each other down


  • Hopefully this would be something that you would discuss together prior to making the commitment of being together long term. If it is something that you both can’t agree on or compromise then maybe your relationship isn’t meant to be. After all the kids grow up and leave home – Your relationship has to be the foundation for your family.


  • Fortunately my husband and I were in agreement.


  • My ex and I decided on one child and 7 years after she was born I fell pregnant (on the pill and 42 years) with our second and that broke up our relationship as I wasn’t prepared to terminate pregnancy.


  • No. never.We already got 3 kids.


  • We have 2 and we know that we cant afford to have more ( its not only financial aspects but also me not copping some days)


  • I always rather wanted another child, but my husband didn’t. Ultimately, health issues decided for us. I’m at peace with that.


  • We’re back and forward constantly whether or not too.. when I see a baby a swoon, but then remember how hard it is. Then I would love my son to have a sibling but then I’ve also miscarried a few times…


  • I sometimes wish we had just one more child but there were never any arguments. I’m now glad we didn’t because two was the perfect number for us. Plus he hated seeing me upset after yet another miscarriage.


  • Circumstances can change things, it can be hard.


  • I never imagined I’d only have one child but… we went through IVF and my hubby said he did not want to put me through it again. I agreed, but always felt there might still be an option. I’m okay with it now though.


  • I think discussing it before marriage is a good start and then at least you know what the other person thinks and then reassess after you have your first child.


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