35 Answers

My ex and I have been split up since I was 5 months pregnant with our daughter. We both agreed we would never fight or have an argument in front of her, though for the first time a few weeks ago he yelled at me while she was with me. She and I left the situation immediately, and when I was putting her seat belt on she told me next time daddy yelled at me she would kick him. She has mentioned this a few times out of the blue or if I tell her that daddy will be cranky with mummy if she’s not dressed and ready to go. This morning though, when she was refusing to get ready to go to his house and I told her that daddy would be cranky with me, she said she would kill him. I have not mentioned anything to my ex just yet as he tends to come up with a story that is exactly the same but about me, and I know this isn’t true as I have caught him out lying about things she’s apparently said before. I’m not sure whether this is a phase she is going through or something I am needing to get a professional to look see her.

Posted anonymously, 27th May 2014

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  • I hope it turned out to be a phase. I agree that you shouldn’t have told her that daddy will be cranky with you when she wouldn’t be ready to go and be careful with speaking any negative word about him. Divorces are very confusing and he’s still her dad. I agree to seek help from a child psychologist when you’ve concerns

  • You are putting daddy in a negative light by saying he will be cranky with you if you’re late. Even if it doesn’t seem like it to you at the time, it is. Best not to be negative in any way about him

  • Pretty sure it’s just her way of expressing her anger about the situation. You just all know she’s not capable so can’t so isn’t serious

  • I think it’s a phase. My 4 year old daughter says some scary things sometimes but she doesn’t fully understand. Sounds to me like your girl is being protective of you! You should not use her father’s crankiness as an excuse to get her to do things, as she then sees him as the bad guy and the one that needs to be punished. Because she’s only seen her dad be angry at you, and you worry about how he’s going to react, she’s scared and doesn’t want any more conflict. I think if you sorted that out, she would not have that to worry about and move on to happier things.

  • I’d take her to talk to a child psychologist just to be on the safe side.

  • I think it is probably just a phase. My nephew at 3 started talking about “playing dead” and killing people. And my recently turned 4 year old daughter has now started asking about death and saying she will “cut Daddy’s head off” etc. We are a very loving family and she certainly doesn’t hear bad/negative things from us. I don’t really think they know what they are saying.
    But just keep an eye on it if it continues to worry you.

  • What a difficult situation. One to be taken very seriously.
    I hope things have improved

  • she probably doesn’t realise exactly what she is saying. maybe tell her that you understand that she loves her mummy but it is not nice to talk like that.

  • This is huge for all involed, would be keen to hear what the out come was

  • My daughter says people are going to die and stuff about blood quite often, I don’t believe they actually know what they are talking about.

  • No matter how hard you try or think you’ve succeeded in protecting your children they see and hear everything.

  • Great feedback but be real careful!

  • I would definitley keep an eye on what she’s watching and what people are saying around her. Fingers crossed it’s just a phase & nothing serious, maybe mention it to a close friend & see what they think. Good luck.

  • it could be a phase as she has never seen you guys argue and it may have upset her him speaking bad towards you, but i would keep an eye on her. ask he why she says she will “kill” daddy, and explain that is not nice to say about people. maybe even try talking good about her father.. im not sure exactly as i have never experienced this but it doesn’t sound like something to be too concerned about just to monitor it :)

  • I would be questioning if she actually loves her father? Has something happened while you weren’t there, whether it’s not paying attention to her, speaking rudely towards or about her, forcing her to do something she didn’t want to do.
    I once knew a lady who treated her oldest daughter like crap, making her change dirty nappies, always in trouble. With passion this 7yr old girl told me “I hate my mum”.
    There has got to be a reason why she want to kick him all the time. Have you tried asking her why.

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