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Hello. Recently my daughter’s have expressed interest in having a new sibling. I’m conflicted, while the idea of a new baby feels exciting to think about, my babies are 14 and 9 years old. During the day, I find myself thinking of names and themes, I find myself in the baby aisle at stores and I feel happy about it, but in the quiet of the night, I almost feel afraid of the idea, and also ashamed because I feel selfish for my internal reasoning. (9 and 14! They can largely fend for themselves in terms of feeding (breakfast and lunch), bathing, and entertaining themselves, and if husband and myself want to go out, it’s as easy as ordering a pizza or picking up their choice of take out for them and letting them pick out a movie each for rent or PPV and we are good to go for the evening. A baby tosses all of that out the window. I know my girls would make awesome sisters, and they are old enough to help out with the baby (not fresh out of the womb, but a few months down the road) and that makes me feel a little better at night, but I still don’t know if it’s such a good idea. Any one out there with a fair age gap between children? Personal feelings about jumping from a more-than-two kid household? Or just any input in general?


Posted by Nervousnellie, 18th May 2021


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  • I would sit down and have a chat with your husband and see what you both want and go from there


  • This needs to be more about what you and your husband want and feel you can cope with than what your children want. They’ll have their turn! Having a child affects your entire life and family, so you need to be absolutely on board.


  • I wouldn’t be having another child unless it was your own idea and your hisband was supportive. The idea coming from your child just doesn’t work for me as you have to put in the hard yards, not your daughter.


  • What does your other half think or feel about this?
    Have you thought about your work and financial situation as well?


  • I was in a very similar situation to you.
    I had my first child 2 children very young and my next 2 in my early 30’s. My older children are 5 years apart also and were 9 and 14 when I had my next baby.
    My choice to have another child was because I was in my second marriage and although we were talking about having another child, I fell pregnant unplanned but I planned my fourth child 2 years after. Although we were all set in our routines a baby definitely disrupted these but we just developed a new routine. I struggled with everything for about a month or so but life is easier now with online shopping and the internet. When I had my fourth baby I didn’t struggle at all. Looking back now I am so happy I chose to have my 3rd and 4th children. My house would definitely be quieter and very lonely as older 2 children basically led their own lives from @15 years old and school, work and friend taking up most their time and only ever came home to eat or sleep as teenagers and young adults do. My older 2 children are 24 and 29 this year and they don’t have children of their own yet and although we are a very close family it is hard for us to get together as a family but we always get together for lunch or dinner once or twice a month as a whole family. If me and my husband need to go away on our own (very rare) I have 2 baby sitters and if they complain I just say well you will have your own family soon and will need me to baby sit too.
    Ultimately the choice is yours and your husband’s to make. Your family and lifestyle will adapt to a new baby and you may struggle at first while you adapt. All the best with your decision x


  • Asking a random group of strangers is nog the right place to ask. We know nothing if your situation and if you need to ask us the answer in no!


  • Its your decision. There is 8 years gap between me and my sister. Now we are best friends but it wasn’t so good at the begging when I was a teenager and had a tail following me ….


  • It’s not selfish at all! If it’s what you want go for it. I would consider an age gap that size with my kids too.


  • I totally understand I had 3 kids and thought we were done…..7 years later and we had 2 more as I got really clucky again, but I had to convince my husband first. It was harder on my body as I was older, but I don’t regret doing it.


  • Thank you all for your input and shared stories! I guess I should preface some things based on a couple of answers- I wasn’t looking for someone to make up my mind for me, although I guess at the hour I wrote it it may have read that way, I was genuinely just looking for honest opinions and similar stories! Also, I have discussed with my partner. The subject had come up a couple of years back and at the time nobody was on board with it, but it seems everyone has completely changed their mind but me, I still remain on the fence. My kids were just the ones to bring it up this time around where as last time it was actually me; and that reopened the conversation between my husband and myself.


  • Me and my partner are in the same boat if it happens it happens we all find a way to just make it work


  • It’s your choice and when it happens, you make it work!


  • I always thought I’d know when I was “done” but I never felt that way. We just had a third child and that’s a 5 year gap. It’s been good but hard. I’m stuck on the first line suggesting it was your child’s idea to have another child? Maybe discuss it with your partner


  • I think both your hesitations and your desires are valid – don’t give yourself a hard time about that. I suppose I’d say that you’d really be tied down for maybe two years – and then your oldest would be old enough to babysit reliably.


  • It’s do different for everyone and I think you and your partner will know what’s right for your family.


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