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Advice on my 13yr old daughter & her 16yr old boyfriend? – My 13 yr old daughter has told me that a 16yr old boy she met through a friend likes her and she likes him.. We have a very open relationship and she tells me everything, we had the talk that I was worried he was only after one thing and she went through her facebook messages where she made it very clear that she was still a virgin and will not be going there with him, he said that he was fine with that and it was a good idea.. he had been there but he wouldnt push for that and would wait as long as she wanted if they started dating. However I was a teenager once also.. She invited him over in the afternoon after school yesterday they stayed out the front of the house talking with a group of people and he made the effort too come and talk too me, shook my hand and introduced himself witch gave me a good impression seems like a nice kid. He was up front and told me he doesn’t go too school but works fulltime and I also found that I know of his mum as she works at the local chemist. The only other information I can give is that he turns 17 the same month my daughter turns 14. My question is what would other mums/dads do in the same situation? As I do trust her and want too keep our realationship but was warned that the more I tell her not too date this boy the more likely she is too rebel or sneak around behind my back..

Posted by anon, 06/11/13

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  • First of all I think it’s beautiful you have such an open relationship with your daughter and I would encourage you to do everything to keep it that way !
    Personally I wouldn’t say no to this but keep the doors open for him and other friends to always be welcome at your house. It’s great your daughters spoke out her limits to him and we can only hope he respects that. At that age dating can be very innocent indeed. Keep the conversations about him open. When he doesn’t respect her you can talk about this further.
    When my daughter was 13 she “dated” several boy friends in one year. It was just chatting, holding hands and here and there a kiss. it didn’t last, she’s 15 yrs old now and didn’t have a boy friend for a while.


  • I would allow them to have a friendship on certain conditions – he could see her only at your home in common areas like loungeroom, dining room, backyard etc so they could have their privacy but still be in view. If he is not just after sex, he will continue to see your daughter under these conditions. If he wants more, he will move on.


  • That’s a hard one. Sorry Hun but I couldn’t even imagine my 13 yo be with a 16 yo.. As for your relationship blood is thicker than water and conditional love always wins x


  • Trust your daughter and remain open with her. Keep an eye on it. The more you the and prevent it the more she will close up. Also ensure she is educated about safe sex, possibly get her contraception just incase anything was to happen. Better to be safe than sorry.


  • The worst thing you can do is say NO … make sure when she sees him it is at your place where there are other people around. Don’t think you can pop to the shop for 5 mins as something may happen. Talk to his mum to get more info and if they were to be at his place to make sure there is parental supervision.


  • I think the more you say no to her the more sees going to want to see this guy.
    I think you just need to be very open with both of them and explain your fears and that you want them to be honest and upfront with you at all times.
    Good luck hope everything has been going ok.


  • there are some good comments here


  • im going 2 have 2 get this book.


  • For anyone raising a girl like me – mine is 9 going on 19 – this is the most brilliant book I’ve read.
    Raising Girls, by author Gisela Preuschoff – she is an amazing writer and has helped me great deal.
    She has a chapter on this very topic here. I feel a little more at ease after reading this section before my daughter gets to the boyfriend stage…which won’t be long I think.


  • How are you coping with it all?


  • 13 seems awfully young for a mature relationship…


  • I think 13 is way too young


  • I was mature for my age and always had an older boyfriend. Because my mum used to freak out about I never talked to her and it would have been better to be able to go to her for advice. It is great that you have an open and good relationship where your daughter can talk to you so freely!


  • Honestly, I think at 13 she is too young to have a 16 year old boyfriend. Would feel happier if he was the same age as her, his expections of the relationship would not be as great.


  • I hope you work out some ways


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