24 Answers

Am I overreacting?

My daughter is in year 6 and at the beginning of the year I originally put a post out asking for parents helpers for a year 6 farewell committee to organise. Then another mum called a meeting. I turned up as did 4 other mums. We put ideas together and said we would help out with a photo book and everything. Mind you we did get told the one who called the meeting and another mum were going to do the book, but we all said we could help. Anyway, lockdown happened. I was messaging, asking what needs to be done through lockdown etc and got told nothing.

Then I found out they handed the photo book over to a mum who didn’t turn up to the meeting and they had a zoom meeting about the farewell. I felt left out and disappointed. Then I asked about the cake, giving ideas etc. Nothing had been done. I even offered to do the cake, which I am not bad at doing and gave ideas what we could do.

Moving forward I messaged asking if the cake had been booked for the kids and teachers all I got was ‘yes’. I asked the other mum have the decorations been organised and got told yes. Her and another mum had booked, which I had asked to let me know as my partner works for an entertainment company and I can source decorations.

Over the years I was the one who did all the class stalls for fetes and organised everything. I was the only put up my hand or got told, ‘Well I’m helping on my other child’s stall.’ How do I address this or am I overreacting? I don’t want to be rude.

Posted by SPerry37, 25th November 2021

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  • Yes there is always this problem this is why in the beginning did help at the kids primary school but I only lasted a week doing this as I found that I was not excepted into there little group

  • I’m sorry you have been left in the dark, sadly there is always that clicky group of women that exclude others in most schools. Just make it special for your daughter & maybe do a special farewell party for her with her friends at a later date.

  • Oh wow, I just don’t know how to respond, I’m lost for words

  • You are probably not overreacting but just let it go..not a point to get stressed

  • I don’t think you are over reacting, but if I were you I would be telling myself that this is the last year I will have to deal with them and move on. Making a fuss will only hurt the kids and that’s not what you want to have happen, I’m sure. Just enjoy the night with your family and stay happy and nice.

  • The older I get, the more I realise, sometimes mums don’t grow out of high school clicks, they just move them to the way they are.

  • So hard! I think perhaps approach it by saying something like “my child’s graduation is really important to me, and I’d love to be involved. Obviously you haven’t appreciated the things I have offered to help with – is there something else you’d like me to help with?” But really, there’s not a lot you can do. Remember you probably won’t see a lot of these mums once the kids move on to high school.

  • I don’t think your over reacting at all

  • I don’t think you are overreacting – I’ve been in a similar situation. As much as it hurts, I had to walk away as got tired of offering my assistance/putting my hand up/giving ideas and then ‘not being heard’.

  • Unfortunately some mum groups are really clicky and leave out other mums. They never truly grew up from high school… I’m really sorry you have been put into this position

  • Definitely not over reacting I’d feel the same as you the way I’d handle it is ignore them and continue to help with other stuff at school in the future

  • I really feel your pain. When my son started Primary School I put my hand up and was involved in all sorts of things. I put many noses out of joint. I’m not sure why, except there was a very clicky group of Mums who liked to do things their way and without change. I work in PR and thought there were so many ways to improve things and make more money for the school and students, etc. and ended up upsetting many. I didn’t care. I was not mean or nice about it. I did everything that was asked of me, and I felt the existing mums were just petty and mean. We ended up making loads of money trying new and different opportunities and brought many new people onto the School Council and Fundraising Committee making things more inclusive for all instead of only those few. I did it for my child and family and many others. The behaviour of these Mums to you is terrible and makes you think of their poor kids. Just keep putting your hand up, be nice but loud about it. And do what feels right for you.

  • Not overreacting and can sense the hurt when you’ve obviously been part of these events previously but its been done and organised now so as long as your daughter has a great time at her farewell who did what doesn’t really matter in the end. Move on and don’t let it play on your mind.

  • I think that was very mean and insensitive of them to treat you this way.

  • I think you have put your hand up and the group who have started to organise this event have got everything organised. Good on them! Your daughter will have a great time as will the grade. You sound like you have been a proactive Mum at the school, good on you! Just know these ladies don’t mean to be mean, I am sure you are not the only Mum sending the committee emails and text’s and phone calls with offers of help and idea’s. Do not be discouraged it’s all good!

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