Hello!

39 Answers

So I have made the decision to focus on my 5 children and fiance. My mother is toxic, my brother is a very bad person. My mum enables his behaviour which always puts him in jail. I habe cut all contact after so many years of being hurt emotionally and abused by them. They were never a constant in my life or my children. My eldest son is scared of his uncle. Does this make me the bad person that they insist I am.


Posted by sheridanwooler, 2nd June 2020


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  • Absolutely not, you do what’s best for you and your well-being


  • No, If they are toxic to you then give yourself some space. Going through a similar situation here and its been ten years since we have spoken to the brother in law – we wont be starting again anytime soon. People say it’s a shame but I would rather that then have to pretend to like them when we are around them.


  • without knowing the full story, eg your mum and brothers side of things, just reading what you’ve written here…..you’ve done what’s right for you and your kids. Just cos they’re family doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life


  • Personally I think this makes you a wise person who is very caring of and for her own family. I am sure you will no only be better off, but so will your children be better off and your own home life will improve by leaps and bounds. Stay safe and keep smiling and your family will love you for what you have done.


  • No not at all follow your instincts and move forward.


  • Absolutely not. You can only do what is right for you and I completely understand. At the age of 48, I finally disconnected from a narcissistic sister who has been a toxic existence in my life since I was a teenager. My Mum always chooses her and her behaviour and I have always bowed to pressure from my Mum to be nice and play nice. Only through the support of my GP and Psychologist have I come to understand the behaviour and my Mum’s part in it. I am disconnected from my sister and have never been happier. It has given me clarity to how toxic her behaviour is and that is says more about her than me. People who know me, support me and have been more aware than me for years. And my relationship with my Mum has changed too. I have less to do with her because she ALWAYS chooses my older sister. And my hubby, son and I could not be happier. You do you.


  • definitely not!! well done on putting yourself and your children first


  • Thks males you the best person for your family. Your kids and husband come first and what you feel is best for them and their safety!


  • Absolutely not! This makes you a great person. You have your own family to look after and it sounds like you are doing a great job. Yes parents and siblins are family but when it is not healthy or safe you have to put yourself and your family first. Stay strong and teach your kids and raise them how you want and learn from others what you dont want to do.


  • I don’t know who is calling you a bad person but I think you are doing the right thing. If this is how they’ve treated you then you are doing the right thing. Your fiance and your children must come first especially since your eldest son is scared of his uncle. I’d move as far away as I possibly could and not have any further contact with them. Wish you all the best


  • not at all I cut my family out of my children’s life when they were little, my mother was toxic towards me and my little brother was the golden haired son and could do no wrong. I left home at 15 and tried to maintain a relationship with them all the years in between and then when my children arrived it was exactly the same, they were always doing something to help and see my brothers children and mine were on the outer so rather than have my children grow up feeling the same ways as me I cut the relationship with my father,mother and brother and it was the best thing I could have done .


  • No it makes you a wise person :) As you already say yourself, your mum is toxic who encourages behaviours of your brother who is a bad person. They may insist you’re a bad person when you cut them off; don’t believe their words or let them get to you.


  • You do what is right for you and your immediate family.


  • Never feel bad about removing TOXIC People from your and your children’s life… Family or not. Toxic people need to be removed.
    It’s not easy when it’s your family but it is essential and over time will he t easier. Good luck, thinking of you.


  • Of course this doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s caring for yourself and your children when you cut off toxic people out of your life.


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