40 Answers

Prior to having children I was a highly successful business woman, life of the party and very sociable. Since having children and quitting my job to be a stay at home Mum I feel like I have lost my previous self. I was at a wedding on the weekend and I actually felt scared to socialise with the people sitting at my table, if someone asked me a question I would get startled and felt caught off guard and mumble my words. I’m not quite sure how I went from being a highly confident outgoing person to this quiet, socially disable kind of person… Has this happened to anyone else? And how did you overcome it?

Posted anonymously, 20th March 2014

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  • This didn’t happen to me. I think my personality remained fairly much the same, although I did become more of a homebody once I had a little one to take care of.

  • I never had any social confidence. If anything, having kids increased my social confidence as I forced myself to get out and take them places. Visiting people and doing things. Hope yours has increased too

  • I think this is because of society’s perception of stay at home mums. Often people think “oh she’s just a stay at home mum.” And that’s not the case. Mums need to be more valued and less judged. Myself, I found I came out of my shell a bit more after becoming a mum. I was taking the kids to playgroups or play dates, getting me out of the house more then before

  • In this situation I would suggest getting some support if it is impacting on how you feel.

  • Personally, I think my social capabilities improved after having kids. I was always taking them somewhere, mixing with people, not what I was used to beforehand

  • It is happening with me to. When I had my first daughter it took me almost one year to have the confidence to go out and have fun with her. She and I missed out a lot because of that. Having my second baby 6 weeks ago I try to put in my had that I don’t want to missed out again any precious time. I try to catch up a friend almost every day, go out to see different people and join a playgroup to meet other moms. I hope this will help this time.

  • I found motherhood at the opposite effect on me. I had to take them to parties, childcare, sports……I was coming out of my shell by making sure they were being sociable

  • I have felt like that, I think it’s due to me losing my identity. I’m no longer me, I’m X’s Mum. So much of my time is spent looking after my kids that I don’t get a lot of me time. I also don’t socialise as much now I’m working PT so I have almost forgotten how to make conversation if it isn’t about the kids. I just try to include myself in conversations and have interests outside of the kids.

  • yes!!, just try to get out and be more social, your confidence will grow again

  • When I initally gave up my career to look after my kids, I didn’t feel that I had anything in common with anyone anymore and I hated it when people asked “what do you do?” I found making a new social circle with other mums really helped.

  • Try and get out and about more and engage with people throughout your day. It feels weird, but helps keep the jitters away. Good luck.

  • I seemed to gain more confidence because my kids made me so proud

  • I didn’t lose this, I just preferred the company of my children

  • You need to speak to ‘real’ people on a regular basis. Try meeting people for coffee or a social lunch, if you can’t leave the house, talking on the phone with someone is a lot better than messaging or facebooking.

  • Yes, this has happened to me as well. As yet i have no answers but i can totally relate. I get alot of anxiety now wheras i used to be very outgoing ect

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