Prior to having children I was a highly successful business woman, life of the party and very sociable. Since having children and quitting my job to be a stay at home Mum I feel like I have lost my previous self. I was at a wedding on the weekend and I actually felt scared to socialise with the people sitting at my table, if someone asked me a question I would get startled and felt caught off guard and mumble my words. I’m not quite sure how I went from being a highly confident outgoing person to this quiet, socially disable kind of person… Has this happened to anyone else? And how did you overcome it?


Posted anonymously, 20th March 2014


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  • I think this is because of society’s perception of stay at home mums. Often people think “oh she’s just a stay at home mum.” And that’s not the case. Mums need to be more valued and less judged. Myself, I found I came out of my shell a bit more after becoming a mum. I was taking the kids to playgroups or play dates, getting me out of the house more then before



  • In this situation I would suggest getting some support if it is impacting on how you feel.



  • Personally, I think my social capabilities improved after having kids. I was always taking them somewhere, mixing with people, not what I was used to beforehand



  • It is happening with me to. When I had my first daughter it took me almost one year to have the confidence to go out and have fun with her. She and I missed out a lot because of that. Having my second baby 6 weeks ago I try to put in my had that I don’t want to missed out again any precious time. I try to catch up a friend almost every day, go out to see different people and join a playgroup to meet other moms. I hope this will help this time.



  • I found motherhood at the opposite effect on me. I had to take them to parties, childcare, sports……I was coming out of my shell by making sure they were being sociable



  • I have felt like that, I think it’s due to me losing my identity. I’m no longer me, I’m X’s Mum. So much of my time is spent looking after my kids that I don’t get a lot of me time. I also don’t socialise as much now I’m working PT so I have almost forgotten how to make conversation if it isn’t about the kids. I just try to include myself in conversations and have interests outside of the kids.



  • yes!!, just try to get out and be more social, your confidence will grow again



  • When I initally gave up my career to look after my kids, I didn’t feel that I had anything in common with anyone anymore and I hated it when people asked “what do you do?” I found making a new social circle with other mums really helped.



  • Try and get out and about more and engage with people throughout your day. It feels weird, but helps keep the jitters away. Good luck.



  • I seemed to gain more confidence because my kids made me so proud



  • I didn’t lose this, I just preferred the company of my children



  • You need to speak to ‘real’ people on a regular basis. Try meeting people for coffee or a social lunch, if you can’t leave the house, talking on the phone with someone is a lot better than messaging or facebooking.



  • Yes, this has happened to me as well. As yet i have no answers but i can totally relate. I get alot of anxiety now wheras i used to be very outgoing ect



  • It’s easy to get out of the habit of socializing with people, so I’d suggest starting small. Invite a friend or two over for coffee & a get-together at your place. Next step, meet a friend somewhere outside the home for a catch-up. Investigate relaxed courses or groups at your local community centre, and go from there. If you plan where you’re going ahead of time, you can think about the sort of conversations you might have, and you can prepare some answers for questions that you might be asked. Don’t do what I originally did though, and have one unnerving experience and then retreat into isolation even more, because you haven’t lost your confidence, you’ve just misplaced it.



  • i have a friend thats going through this, i would see a doctor and go from there


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