26 Answers

My hubby’s family were fortunate enough to have many ‘servants’ to help run their home when my hubby was a child.

I’ve noticed that as an adult, he still lives his life as though he has someone there to pick up after him- unfortunately, that ‘someone’ is me!

I feel like the worst part is that if he does assist around the home, then his parents are automatically notified of his inconvenience (by him) and then I ultimately receive a call from them to establish whether or not it’s true that their darling son had to do housework!

If you’re in a relationship with someone who grew up with similar luxuries, do you find that they are still stuck in the mentality that someone else will pick up after them always?

Posted by someonesmother, 19th September 2020

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  • No and I would not have married my husband if he was like that. Time to have a serious talk to him about what is expected. It’s so not on to go running to his parents either!

  • I would refuse to do household tasks all on my own. I would have a frank chat with him about whether he would like to use money from your budget to pay for a cleaner for the week and if not, then he needs to help out as well. It’s not fair if it all falls to you to do

  • I AM THE MAID…………get real…..my significant other walked last night…..as I asked him if he could possibly do something….lol……Now am calm and know I can do it myself…..love and miss him but there are 2 in a relationship……not 1 claiming entitlement

  • Fortunately not. Though I’ve dated men who were similar. To some extent, you need to decide how much of a stand you want to make on this. Do you want to stop picking up after him, and screen calls so you don’t have to listen to your in-laws? Or even better, flat out tell your husband to keep what happens in your marriage private? Be prepared for a LOT of pushback.

  • My husband didn’t have servants but a stay at home mum who did everything for him. We’ve been together for years now and he’s become a great assistant. I made it clear from the early on that I was a partnership – he’s not a babysitter or visitor and he helps out heaps. It’s certainly still not equal share of household chores, but it’s a pretty good balance

  • Nope, we take the 50:50 role of house chores and parenting seriously. On the other hand, our kids treat us like servants… :s

  • No but I’m dating one that feels like I’m his servant. I think his mum was his servant and he expects too much.

  • Maybe buy a little bell. Then in the morning you ring the bell and say “sweetheart, can you please bring me tea and croissants in bed?” Or when he’s asking to serve him his dinner, say yes please can you serve mine ?

  • I don’t think I could deal with this type of carry on from my husband or his parents!!

  • I agree with telling them that they can pay for someone to come in and clean for you. Otherwise I would just stop doing anything for him. I get to that point too

  • I’d let his parents know if they dont want him to have to do anything they should pay for you to have servants at your house as you are not his servant and tell him you are not his servant. I wouldn’t still be with someone personally if the relationship was like that and his parents were called everytime.

  • I find men in general just think someone will pick up after them. I have to order mine every step of the way, he simply won’t think too do things otherwise.

  • I understand that he has to learn, but reporting it to his parents resulting in a phone call from your in-laws- would infuriate me.
    In the beginning of our marriage I would make my husband regularly a fry in the weekend. That came to a radical end when he on a certain moment expressed how much he liked to be served by me…no thank you I thought, I don’t want that !

  • Aw babymumma, HUGS !!

  • It’s wrong and he shouldn’t be reporting back to his parents all of the time. Sounds like he’s still a little boy inside. I’d do everything but leave all of his things where he leaves them. Tell him you’re not a servant and if he wants things done he can pay you a decent servants wages (what you’d normally get if you were working per hour). He is living in a modern world where everyone pitches in to help. He’s married to you and not his parents

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