22 Answers

Admin please post anonymously

I have two boys aged 9 and 6. I find them to be so so naughty that I cannot do anything to handle them. They are behaved for others but when with me they are such terrors. They do have a beautiful side of them, such as such kind hearts and so much love for me and for each other. But their naughtyness masks all that up that lately I can’t see past their constant bad behaviour. Everything i ask of them is a constant fight. Everyone says to me “Oh it’s ok they are just kids, all kids are like that”, and I understand that they very well might be, but I cannot take anymore of it. I’ve been diagnosed with PND after the birth of my second son, that has remained with me in the form of depression and anxiety, and the past few months, their behaviour has made me have suicidal thoughts, which scares me to bits. I know if I acted on anything, it would shatter their world. It’s like they are the only ones keeping me here but they are also the ones making me feel like I can’t take it anymore. I’m seeing a new psychologist this week to address it as I’m so scared. I guess I’m just after some encouragement or something to reassure me that everything will be ok.

Posted anonymously, 2nd September 2020

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  • Well done for seeking help. My motto has always been “this too shall pass” and it seems to help because it helps me to realise that things will change.

  • I am so glad you sought professional help. Your kids sound very normal to me, but I understand how testing that can be. Yes, it should get better over time, especially since you’ve got the guts to get help.

  • You are doing the right thing in getting help. May I add that nothing lasts forever and they will grow up and out of this phase sooner than you can at present realise. Hang in there, it does get better, truly.

  • It will be okay. You are doing the best you can and getting support. You haven’t mentioned a partner, If there is one on the scene, it might be time to get him on board with how they can better support you too. This will not be forever and you are will get through this challenging time.

  • Without getting into it too much I have / am going through a similar situation. You know how they say on a plane to put your own oxygen mask on first – that’s what you need to do because it is very hard to parent when you are just trying to get through the day with your brain / emotions working against you. Kids are very resilient and you need to help yourself first and try (easier said than done) to ignore the behavior for a bit. If you have someone you trust to talk to about what’s going on to help with the boys I would do that. I would also see your doctor or even better a psychiatrist to talk about mediations. They helped me alot. I still have a ways to go but have started enjoying life and getting the kids back under control etc. (Lavender oil is very calming, I put it on my wrists and behind my ears if I’m having anxiety, and i put it in a diffuser if the kids are being a bit hard to handle, try and get a good one though that doesn’t have anything else in it). I hope you find a path that works for you and you find peace and happiness again. And remember “No Darkness lasts forever. And even there, there are stars.” Ursula K Le Guin

  • You got this mumma. Getting help is fantastic! Don’t be afraid to also ask for help and time out when you feel you need

  • Thank you for having the courage to seek professional help. You have taken the most important step, sometimes the hardest one. Do you have a partner? You should try to engage him/her in helping you. Be blunt. Tell them how hard it is. But yes, I do believe things will get better.

  • You are so brave to reach out for help. Remember that you are never in this alone and please ask your family and friends for help. If you feel asking them is too difficult, ask your psychologist to put you in contact with local organisations that can help with respite or ring lifeline or beyond blue. It sounds like you need a break from everything to give you the opportunity to heal your mind, body and soul. Take time out for yourself as much as you can. Try a variety of relaxation techniques and maybe if possible get your boys to try them too. Talk to your boys about how you feel (obviously not about the suicidal thoughts but how their behaviour is making you sad) Talk to them about how they feel when people treat them badly to help them to realise the impact they are having on you. You will get through this! Love & strength to you xx

  • First of all know that people are here for you. It takes a Village to raise children. Put your hand up to family and friends and say you are not coping and need support. It is overwhelming and hopefully the psychologist can help you with your anxiety regarding your children. I can tell you love them and all the more reason to get your family network and friends behind you and involved. Good luck and please let us know how you get on.

  • Wow hun I know how you feel. Firstly good on you for noticing yoyr feelings and reaching out. Children can be very draining and I know because I too have a naughty 6 year old who also is challenging. You need time out and that\’s not a sign of weakness. It\’s good your getting profession help. Their naughty stage will pass but right now that is not really much help to you. All I can say is your not alone……..trust me I know. Your suicidal thoughts would be very scarey and feel like your in a dark deep hole with no escape. Keep getting help, try to have time out and please hang in there. Xxxx…everything WILL be ok hun your doing all the right things.

  • Try to separate the child from the behaviour.
    “You know I love you very much but I don’t like it when you such and such..
    Can you think of a way I can help you to make a better choice of what you can do instead of such and such.” You may need to make suggestions such as if you feel like fighting with your brother could you maybe run between the garage and the back fence 11 times. Could you maybe roll the whole length of the lawn instead of throwing a ball inside.

  • Be kind to yourself and definitely seek help and support. My son is a good human being but yes, saves his worst behaviour for me. As a parent of an only child, I can’t relate to having 2 kids behaving in that way. But, I do know that I am my son’s safe place. Where he pushes boundaries to see what he can get away with, and acts out at home in ways that he doesn’t feel he can at school when he was being bullied, etc. Is there father helpful and supportive of you? I feel that you need support and love and to know that everything will get better.

  • I feel like I could’ve written this myself. I know people say they get it and tell you they know it’s hard etc, but unless you’re in the same situation, you truly can’t understand how hard it is. Having depression, anxiety, anything that sucks the life out of you, is hard enough. It makes the smallest tasks seem impossible. Add any stress to that and you can feel like you can’t go on. It’s too much. I am so sorry you’re going through this, and as someone who can relate, I just want to say that this won’t last forever. That’s what I tell myself when I’m at my wits end. My youngest, like your boys, is an angel at school, and even tells me that she savers all her naughtiness for home. lol. Homeschooling is a nightmare and I’ve just had to give up the daily fight on getting each task done and hand in what I can get her to do. She’s a smart kid so I’m less worried, but if the teacher isn’t happy then I will happily explain why she hasn’t been doing all her work. I’ve been dealing with the depression monster since I was a child so I’ve learned how to nip the worst feelings in the bud, usually, but I can relate to how you’re feeling now. You need relief and sometimes the brain tricks us into thinking the only way is to be gone, permanently. I could write about this forever but just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone, that it will get easier, and that there are others out there, myself included, who would love to talk to you if and when you need. I hope you vibe with your psychologist, and if you don’t that it’s better to find another than put up with someone who doesn’t make you feel valued (I gave up trying to get help so many times because I saw people who didn’t get it or were just plain arrogant). Keep going and never give up, and know that you’re incredibly strong for doing this; parenting your misbehaving kids while battling your misbehaving mind.

  • All learnt behaviour, that can be changed for the better. Yiu need to take control and set boundaries to deal with the bad behaviour. I feel pzrents are too soft with kids of today. My parents were extremely loving, but stern with rules to be followed. I am ever so greatful and thankful……Those same rules I now use in my household.

  • I have a little boy who is an angel at daycare but a little tyrant at home. I can really relate to how your are feeling. Make sure to take time out for yourself, you came look after your boys is your don’t look after yourself too

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