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44 Answers

So I don’t have many friends. I have a lady I have been friends with for over 6 years. We have kids similar in age. She would call me constantly when she was on mat leave (we work together) and I would always make the time and answer or call her back. We also visited each other fairly regularly and our kids loved to play together. She generally called me everyday during the week (or I would call her). Things changed when I was pregnant with my fourth last year and have gotten to a point where I constantly feel upset by the situation. She never answers my calls and rarely calls me back. She was always a bit flaky and that was ok. I don’t think it’s deliberate, in fact I am pretty sure she is just caught up in her own life but I am over feeling constantly hurt and sad about the friendship…… or lack of. I don’t expect a lot. In fact, I would be happy with even a short phone call to say hi. I get life can be busy but lately a pattern has emerged. She will not contact me on her days off and when she does lately there has been a reason, like at the end of the conversation she asks how to do something at work. She hasn’t even met my son who was born late last year. Both times she said she would visit she cancelled on the day. I am just not sure where to go from here? Do I tell her I am feeling hurt? Or do I just give up and stop trying?


Posted anonymously, 24th April 2020


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  • Not making the effort to see your son is pretty poor. I think its worth bringing it up next time she calls and telling her you are disappointed. She might make more of an effort or she might make excuses. If she makes excuses I think Id stop making the effort in return. I do think she should get a chance first as you dont always know things people are dealing with in their own lives, for all you know she could be sick or something.


  • I am in a similar situation.
    Best friend of 12 years who was like a sister now involved with an alcholic and does not have time to meet me at all. Telephone conversations restricted due to him being there the whole time and interferring in our conversations, reading my messages to her etc.
    As much as I like her and value her am getting fed up chasing her all the time. I have tried to tell her that it is difficult for me to talk when she has me on loudspeaker or when he is listening all the time but she doesn’t get it.
    He consumes ALL her time.
    Have only seen her 3 times in 6 months.
    She forgot my birthday!
    Last week she said “call me tomorrow he is at the barber so I will be able to talk”
    I am at the point of giving up but I feel she is in a toxic abusive relationship and maybe not able to help herself.

    Comments appreciated. Thanks.


  • When you notice you do all the work and don’t get friendship or commitment back


  • I would let her know how you are feeling and if it she doesn’t respond then I would let the friendship go. As hard as that is sometimes things just don’t last. Friendships work both ways and can be draining when you feel like you are putting in all the effort. Find a friend that you don’t feel this way with and you will find see new happiness!


  • I can understand this is painful for you, but friendships can come and go or change over the years. Friendships need to come from both sides and I don’t think you can force it. Reading your story I would personally leave the initiative to her and don’t let what she does or doesn’t do hurt yourself so much. Open yourself for new friendships but don’t totally rely on that.


  • Just give up, you can’t force a friendship and many times throughout our lives friendships fizzle out for a number of reasons. It sounds like your ex friend is no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with you and is putting some distance between you hoping you’ll take the hint. It happens.


  • Not to sound harsh but I think you should let this friendship go. It’s not fair to you to have to feel that way. People get busy yes but never busy enough to not be able to send a msg ot a quick call.


  • Life does get busy, but when they can’t make an effort to send a quick message at the end of the day, it seems it’s not the number one thing on her mind
    I would just give it a break for a while, let it go for a while. Let her be the one contact you, if u have already tried many times. Instead
    sorround urself around people that are their for you and your family it’s the best at times like this.


  • I think you need to first try and understand what’s going on. That’s just my nature – to ask why? But I also understand… when you step back from a relationship and realise you’re the one doing all the giving, and if you stop giving, then nothing comes back, you then ask yourself why am I bothering? what’s in it for me? That’s when you can let it go.


  • I would try telling her how you feel first an and failing that admit defeat she’s not a true friend.


  • Walk away now! She is draining you! Friendships, just like relationships, are all about give and take, respect, honesty and love.
    If you are giving considerably more than the other person (which you are) of at least a couple of these things, then it’s definitely not worth continuing with the friendship.
    I speak from experience, I walked away from a 14 yr friendship because I’d had enough of being treated like shit and it was the BEST decision I ever made. I felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders and I felt free!
    You deserve to have a friend who wants to hang out with you and your family and shows you how much they care and love you all the time.
    BUT, before you go and just throw it all away, try speaking to her about it first. Be honest about how you’ve been feeling and suggest ways you could both help to improve the situation but if nothing changes or she just dismisses your feelings or scoffs at you…………etc…
    (Pretty much if she doesn’t care, she doesn’t understand or she’s just not interested in hearing what you have to say and doesn’t sympathise with you, show any empathy etc…)
    FUCK HER OFF!! NOW!! QUICKLY!!
    YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!!
    THERE ARE LOADS OF WOMEN OUT THERE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR FRIENDSHIPS JUST LIKE YOU ARE AND WHO WOULD TREAT YOU A MILLION TIMES BETTER THAN SHE EVER HAS!
    I do however recommend that in your future friendships that you learn to speak up when your unhappy and be honest about how your feeling and expect them to do the same, so you don’t end up back where you started.
    (Ps: I’m looking for a friend!) ????


  • Been there, true friends make time.


  • I had same situation with the friends.Sometimes i need more family time than doing friends wishes.i don’t like to be so close to the friends as they are very unpredictable.At first they are very friendly and nice.But when you are getting more close to them they know i am there for looking after their children as a stay home mum.


  • It sounds to me like your friendship has run its course. She’s moved on & perhaps you should too. Don’t chase her! Neediness is never very attractive. Leave it up to her to contact you. If she doesn’t, then you know she’s not interested in continuing such an intense friendship.

    I’ve learned that the very best friends in life are those you may not see, talk to or meet up with for months on end but the next time you do, you just pick up again where you left off. Perhaps this is what will happen for you two?


  • I think people just grow apart. It’s happened to me, I’m no longer friends with many friends that are just unreliable and not there.


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