22 Answers

My partner and I do not agree on a baby name for our unborn child. I have wanted this name since I can remember and I absolutely adore it! However his is adamant he will not be naming his child this name! I have tried for hours, days and months to try and find one we both agree on but we get nowhere. I still want the one I have chosen. What do we do?

Posted by Andy, 3rd November 2020

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  • We took a long time with our first as well, she wasn’t named till 3 days after her birth.
    Make both a bigger list of names you like, this could be 20 or so and then try to come to a shared decision.

  • My partner and I have made a baby names list on our phone, whenever we hear a name or think of one that we don’t mind we add it to our lists. Every once in a while we will share the names with each other and scrap the names we really don’t like, but stay open to a name if one of us loves it.
    At least that way you can see what type of names each of you like.
    If he really doesn’t like the name you have picked, see if he is open to using it as a middle name.

  • Names are tricky and it will inevitably rely on some sort of compromise unless you are lucky enough to both agree off the bat. For my partner and I, we gave each other 1 veto each and respected each other’s choices. But if you feel so strongly, you should advocate. But only to a point. You don’t want to add tension to the relationship before the baby is born!

    Ultimately, I think names are things we give so much credence to before the baby is born, and then once you have your kid in your arms, it really don’t matter what you call them. You will inevitably love their name, whatever it is, because it is theirs.

  • As far as I know if you put a hyphen in names it legally becomes one name when filling out paper work for anything. If you put it between a middle name and a surname the surname automatically is spoken as both. I’ve had a few friends who have done either one of the above.

  • Both write down a list of names and go through them together to see what you both like. See if he wouldn’t mind your names choice as a middle name.

  • Get him to write down a list of names he likes. Then pick one off his list. Hopefully there is one you can agree on

  • I think it requires more discussion. You need to both be happy with your child’s name. It is a name they will carry for their entire life. So you may need to compromise. But I agree, wait until your child is born and then it may be clearer.

  • Why not just wait until your baby is born and decide then. Depending on the names you both want you might be able to hyphenate them. Don’t stress as there’s no hurry to name your child before leaving the hospital. I was actually named after a pattern my Nanna was knitting. Good luck

  • Wait until baby is born and then decide. You are entitled to have a say too. At best your favourite name can be the middle name and that’s that. You might find that baby doesn’t suit that name but next baby does. Keep hoping and to stop stressing drop the subject until baby is here. I had three babies all left hospital without naming. You can do this and you must register baby by 6 weeks old. So save yourself some stress. Take on board hubby choices and wait until he/she is here. I had a name and my husband had a name that was similar like Nathanial, Nat, Nathan, Athan, Thanial, Nial (Neal) we settled on Nathan. Look up your favourite name and see if there is a suitable alternative.

  • You might find a name that you both agree on if you stopped wanting your own way. You know, some people are called by their middle name…just a thought.

  • The struggle was real with my second daughter. My kids dad is a Muslim from Pakistan. I am an atheist from Australia. Our marriage was a complete fail and we never agreed on anything. Our first daughter we named relatively easily but the second almost didn’t have a name. I wanted Xanthe Odelle and he wanted Zanaib Muhammad (not a chance that was happening). We ended up with Zuleiha Norma (Norma after my grandma who passed away 2 days before she was born, on her actual due date) . Most of my family can’t say her name and strangers just look at me strange. I’d never heard of Zuleiha but it was the best of the names he had suggested and he was not going to go with one of mine. It’s grown on me now though and it suits her.

    Basically just keep looking. Sounds like you’re not going to win. Find something new that you both like. Good luck

  • I originally had agreed to names we both liked with our children, but when they were born they just didn’t suit the name we had picked. So when 3 and 4 came around, we just waited till they were born and named them then.

  • Have that you can veto one name each and then have a large list each and first name that you agree on

    I think once bubs is here you will be able to find the perfect name

  • Can your name maybe be a middle name, else id suggest waiting until they are born as sometimes they just suit a name. I insisted on family names for my first but nicknaming her but as soon as she was born she just didn’t suit it and goes by her full name. We fought over our middle daughter (3 girls) as he decided it was his turn to pick a name but then I found one I loved so we compromised and he got to pick the middle name and I couldnt veto it… luckily he picked one i actually loved. Our 3rd I just let him name her. I had a lot of names from childhood in my head but the more I thought about it the more i was able to let them go. If you dont think you can maybe sit and have a serious conversation about why the name means so much to you.

  • Wen my husband and i had our children, we both wrote a list on our favourite names, we the checked eachothers and took names from both lists to choose from.
    Naming your child is really tough and i suggest you try something like this, or compromise.

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