5 Answers

My stepdaughter is expecting her first child soon and this will be my husbands first biological grandchild. There is no partner on the seen so I have tried to help with buying things yet I feel so unappreciated and only in the way. I have 7 grandkids already yet I welcome this grandchild as no 8. Sometimes I give up.


Posted anonymously, 2nd September 2019


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  • Don’t give up, she is probably just distracted and overwhelmed by being pregnant. I would just have a conversation with her about how you can help her and if she would prefer something other than gifts. I remember when i was pregnant, my mother would always buy me things but sometimes she would buy stuff that wasnt my style or things I didnt actually feel I needed. Maybe your daughter is feeling the same but doesnt know how to bring it up for fear of seeming ungrateful.


  • How wonderful you want to be involved. Maybe there’s a lot going on for her that you don’t know about.
    have you ever heard of love languages? Some people feel more loved in different ways (like you may really value gifts but someone else may really value quality time or nice words or helpful actions or hugs)

    Truthful thought about gifts- sometimes buying stuff for people takes away their choice. Like buying a set baby piece or furniture means they don’t get to pick.

    So try asking e.g “I was thinking of buying you a xyz, any preferences for that type of thing?” My mother in law generously bought us a high chair but asked what things mattered (cushioned, just plastic/easy to clean, stand alone or attach to a chair) and it made it even more special. Good luck finding ways to connect


  • Maybe get your husband to ask his daughter what she would like for her baby or word it differently and ask what she still needs. Don’t get me wrong but it may be better to not mention your name in the conversation at all or she is automatically know you have asked him to do so or as most would say that to him that you put it up to him (sounds strange but I have heard it said), in other words told him to ask. It will only make things worse if his daughter comes to that conclusion. Is the girl’s Mum in the picture at all? If so there may be jealousy there.


  • Don’t give up! Maybe if you’re feeling unappreciated you could take a little step back. But one day she will appreciate your help. xxx


  • Don’t give up. I am sure that with the time your stepdaughter will appreciate your help and kindness. :-)


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