Hi I really need some advice on how to deal with my brothers wife, my sister-in-law. We have never really gotten along. Nothing bad, just personality clash I guess you could say. She is a very verbally aggressive, assertive and confrontational person. She seems to lack family values and is turning my brother against our entire family. We have tried to confront the situation with her and it just resulted in her giving us the no talkies for over a year. Once all our children came along we managed to be a part of each other’s lives again, however she continues to talk badly behind my back. It’s made worse by social media when her fakeness is constantly in my face. She makes such an effort doting on friends and yet she hasn’t liked or commented on any of my photos on over a year. Photos of her nieces and nephews that she is meant to love and adore.
It breaks my heart. I have developed very bad anxiety over the issue and continually stress over the poor relationship I have with my brother thanks to her. I can’t go on, it’s getting to the point where I need to confront the situation yet I fear if I am honest it’s just going to tear the family apart again, but if I don’t say anything I feel like it’s going to tear me apart.


Posted anonymously, 25th February 2015


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  • Delete her from your Facebook. That will solve what seems to be one of your bug bears. Some people just never get along


  • I know exactly how you feel. In my case I had to walk away and I haven’t spoken to my brother or his family in over five years. I have no regrets though. It’s better for my mental health this way.


  • You need to get toxic people out of your life,be civil and that’s all she’s not worth it.


  • You can’t control the way she acts only the way you react and although very difficult you’ve really got to try to not let it bother you. My mother in law and I used to get on really well until I stood up to her once and now she’s a little on the frosty side. Although I prefered it when we got on, the relationship was fake as I wasn’t being true to myself. I am still friendly and polite but I certainly don’t go out of my way now. As for facebook and liking/posting comments or not ~ sounds like she’s trying to get to you and it’s working. You’ll just have to do your best to ignore it.


  • Are you alone in this thought or do other family members feel the same way? Perhaps talk to other members to get their advise as they know her and will know how she will react.


  • You do not need negativity like that in your life. You need the positivity of your family, your children, husband and any other family members you get along with and your friends. Don’t stoop to her level. Be the bigger person, be polite when you do see her and let it go. Move on. Stay away from facebook or delete/block her for a while. You will feel so much better. Good luck.


  • I don’t know your full situation so my comment is entirely base on my experience. Have you befriended her? if not try be friends with her, take away the fact that she’s your in-law, try to set aside your difference. Try spend some alone time with her, maybe shopping or movie, find a common ground where both of you can begin a relationship. Once that relationship is established, then you can probably bring up some issues that was bothering you if it still does… With your brother, confront him and try mend things with him… But if all fails, it wont hurt to start a life without them, you’ll be much happier without having to deal with all the dramas… All the best!


  • Well, just ignore her, unforuntately, some people always so nasty and they will never change


  • I agree with MOM93821 that you could benefit from speaking to professionals and developing strategies to deal with your anxieties. I once hoped that my family would ‘like’ or comment on my photos on Facebook, but they never do. They will mention that they saw such and such photo on Facebook, but they never like or comment on things I post. Although my sister does like her friends posts …. I’ve just learnt to live with it – with some help from a counsellor. It might help you too.


  • Just dont worry about it, be the bigger person, be nice to her, talk to your brother and ignore her antics.


  • Have talk with your family and see what they think, two or more heads are better than one. Is she jealous? as this can result in bad behaviour. Most of all it is not your fault so do not give yourself hard time. Be friendly but you may never be best friends, just do not resort to her form of behaviour it does not work and will make matters worse and you unhappy. Family memories are to be shared and remembered, we even laugh at the stuff ups now.


  • i think that you need to focus on your family and don’t worry about her attitude.


  • The most important issue is your anxiety and it would be good to get some support from your GP. Once this is being dealt with then you can get some assistance from a counsellor on managing your sister in law.


  • I would be inclined to ignore her, but you obviously don’t want to do that. Could you raise it with your brother first? Perhaps write her an “open letter” – ie one you share with other people so she can’t misrepresent what you have said.


  • Dont worry about her just focus on you and your family


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