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22 Answers

I probably already know the answer to my question but I thought I would put it out there anyway. My seven year old is having a small pamper party soon. Our numbers are really restricted but a new girl has joined her class and my daughter originally asked to invite her. But the past two weeks, this new kid has been a real b*tch…excluding her, calling her mean names, trying to turn her friends against her. My daughter asked today if we can disinvite this child and my heart broke. What do I do? I can’t imagine how I would even go about this? I have had zero contact with the kids’ parents other than to send them an invitation. What would you do in this situation? Thanks!


Posted anonymously, 8th March 2021


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  • I think the only course of action would be to get in touch with the parents. Also, if there’s bullying activity you should have a meeting with the principal. From there you may even have opportunity to speak with the parents.


  • Sorry that your daughter is having a hard time with this new girl. Hopefully the girl won’t be able to make it. Like others have said, if she attends, and causes problems, ring the parents straight away to come pick her up. It may also give you an opportunity to speak to the girl and her parents of the problems that have occurred at school.


  • Unfortunately if you uninvite the child you could cause a lot more problems. My son invited a class mate and that boy started to misbehave. I told him that he must be getting bored so I could call his parents to come and pick him up. That worked in stopping his misbehaving but it doesn’t work on everyone. I think you’ll just have to keep an eye on this girl and stop the behaviour in it’s tracks if you see it happening. Maybe the new girl is jealous that your daughter is so popular and liked? Good luck


  • Unfortunately you can’t disinvite her, but the party arrival might be an opportunity to say something to the parents – “we’re delighted to see Little X, but there’s been some conflict between her and Missy. I hope it won’t affect Missy’s party”. And any sensible parent on pick up would ask how their kid behaved…


  • I don’t think uninviting will be a good option. Maybe her being there will change her mind about your daughter?


  • I wouldn’t uninvite but keep a close on this child at the party and if the child displays any bad behaviour, contact the parents.


  • I would speak with the parents prior to the party. Explain to your daughter that you can’t uninvite someone as that can be seen as bullying also. However, if things got out of hand at the party I would call the parent to come and collect their child. Your daughter has to enjoy her birthday.


  • I think uninviting this child will worsen the situation. I would go ahead with the party and keep an eye on her behaviour. If she bullies or belittles your daughter I would tell her “that’s not okay” (I believe that’s the appropriate language to use). If she continues to bully your daughter, I would speak with her parents and the school.


  • Cross your fingers and hope they don’t show up. Or hope that issues might be resolved in a more intimate situation. It will be tough telling them not to come, could make a bad situation worse


  • Has this girl RSVP’ed? I don’t think you can un-invite, however it will give you an opportunity to observe this girl and her behaviour so you can then teach your daughter how to handle it.


  • Maybe catch the parent at school n just have a word to her about whats going on between them at school as the parents might be totally in the dark about whats going on as my now 22 yr old son was a bully when this age but mainly to girls ,not hitting but name calling and i would only find out when a mum would approach me and i would dread when a mum would come up to me but then i would say sorry n tell them that i was having trouble at home with him too and then i would have a go at my son for picking on girls but then my son would say that the girls would actually start on him first so i just told him to stay away from them…


  • I would look to it from this perspective;
    What if you would talk to the parents and suggest their child is no longer welcome at the party ? It most likely would increase the bullying.
    What if you just talk to the parents ? The parents may talk to their child and it most likely won’t improve the relationship with your child.

    I would welcome her and observe how she’s behaving. Maybe praise her for being a beautiful friend to your daughter or when you catch her doing something right.
    When the girl does something what is mean, you could gently say something in general.
    Inviting her to the party may have a positive effect on their relationship.


  • I would think not. I think you’ll just have to tell your daughter that she can’t be uninvited (and ask her how she would feel if that happened to her – that it wouldn’t be a nice feeling – even if the other girls behaviour is bad) but you’ll be watching the girls closely to make sure she doesn’t do anything wrong
    It may be an opportunity for the girl to see your daughter with her friends and see how friends treat each other


  • Will the parents be at the party? Perhaps it will be a good time to give some guidance to your daughter on how to handle these situations with grace as they will likely always come up unfortunately


  • I think you have to stand back and let the party still happen kids fall out and in a lot and if parents get involved that isn’t good as you end up saying things that you shouldn’t, so see how it goes and don’t go calling another child a bitch as how do you know your daughter isn’t the one being nasty. The girl might not want to come if it is that bad.


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