Hello!

8 Answers

My soon to be 7 year old daughter had to be left with her grandparents as she had gastro, and I had to attend my Best friends 40th Birthday.
She was very upset at the time of me leaving her.
I now think she has separation anxiety as she will not stay or go anywhere without me, no more sleepovers, even just day visits she is very hesitant to go and starts crying that she wants to stay with me.
I’m at the stage now that I’m not sure to keep letting her come with me or pushing the issue of her staying with others.. Lucky my boss allows me to take her to work with me during the holidays.

Before the weekend I had to leave her she was very happy to go to grand parents and friends for sleep overs.


Posted anonymously, 23rd April 2021


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  • Hopefully it is a phase, there are a lot of sensory toys on the market now for anxious children with fidget pop its being the latest. Have you spent one on one time with her? Sounds like it was due to her feeling sick and vulnerable at the time she was left. Did you ask her if she had a good time, what happened etc?


  • My 7 year old is very similar, she goes through phases where all seems fine and it IS a lot better now but for a while there school drop offs, staying with grandparents (both of which she loves to do) where a nightmare. I’m not even sure what changed it but now we seem to be able to do everything fine except night time at sleepovers she still needs something of mine and struggles to get to sleep. It might be worth trying to sit down and have a chat with her, have something that is special to you that you can give to her when you’re not around or something?


  • When my daughter went through a similar phase (at a similar age), we put a photo of me in a keyring and clipped it to a lanyard. My daughter wore it around her neck, and suddenly she was fine without me. A simple solution that worked remarkably well.


  • It’s probably time to see a gp and get a mental health plan. You can then take her to see a psychologist.


  • I would sit her down and ask her why she is like it and tell her she can’t keep doing it that sometimes you have to go places and have to leave her. If you get no where then speak to your doctor and get a referral to take her to Counseling might help her.


  • I have the same dilemma. My almost 7 year old needed constant reassuring and even then it didn’t help. I only got to walk out the front door and they wanted to come with me.


  • I’d check in the with GP for a mental health plan to work with a psychologist


  • I remember I had a cousin showing fears like that, everytime we had sleepovers and I thought we had fun, it was crying and drama and she wanted back home.
    Sometimes our kids have fears and it’s good to find out what they exactly are.
    My 16yr daughter has been anxious in the night and sleeps with us in our bedroom for over a year. For months I’ve been trying to motivate her to see a psychologist and finally she does.
    But when it comes to separation anxiety in older kids it’s good to support them, whilst working on their tolerance.
    When your daughter doesn’t want to go anywhere without you, I think it’s a good idea to go with her on that playdate but then slowly move away. For example you go together but then you go to a different room or the garden. After doing that for some time you could leave for a bit to get something out of the car, make a phone call or get some petrol and everytime expand this time for a bit.
    Don’t avoid the trigger, work on tolerance and make sure to instill confidence in your child. Let your child know she is strong and capable even without you. And do your best not to let any of your own worries about your child seep into her thoughts.
    Encourage your child to try and make a plan for new situations.
    Practice positive reframing. Help your child think positively about situations. For instance, if your child is anxious about going to school, remind her that she will get to see her best friend or work on a project she loves—and that she can always ask her teacher for help if needed.
    And lastly get professional help when needed.
    By the way, how is your daughter coping with school without you being present ?


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