11 Answers

Finding a bit hard at moment. I am the carer of our granddaughter & she’s becoming difficult to talk to. I try and be nice & thoughtful & she’s the opposite? Any tips please?

Posted by deborah_osborne, 30th March 2015

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  • First of all I would like to say good on you for caring for your granddaughter and secondly I would like to say don’t take her attitude personally. With the hormones all over the place the mood can just be grumpy. Having 2 teenagers myself I think it’s all about connecting in a playful, accepting and empathic way and try to relate to them. It helps sometimes to wait for their initiative and really listen and take the time when they come to you. I also found it helps when I just randomly ask their opinion. For example I’m Dutch and struggle sometimes to write and formulate a good email and ask my teenagers their opinion and correction.

  • She’s a teenager, possibly with added issues re her having to live with you. Most of them come good with guidance and understanding

  • I hope you were able to work things out with your grand-daughter.

  • I think talking and asking questions about how she’s going is the only way. Hopefully she will confide in you as to what is going on.

  • It’s a tricky time but make sure you subtly praise the behaviour you like. For example… Tell her it’s nice to have dinner together or thank her for the chat

  • Don’t forget to be a friend at this stage. Have grandma and granddaughter time out with each other regularly. Teenagers like their own space as long as you know where she’s going and who’s she with. Set boundaries and consequences. Follow through with them.

  • Thank u ,your ideas are useful ,listings what’s exspected form both of us is a good idea .

  • I really feel for you Deborah, especially knowing you’ve stepped up to parent your grandchild. It’s a balancing act, of allowing her to grow up, and also maintaining respectful communication. Just keep trying. Use some humour, and let her know that your older and you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a teenager, so she needs to remind you how it all works these days : ) Or you could sit down and write some house rules together that you both agree on, with consequences for not following through, as well as rewards for good behaviour. Teenagers get very self conscious and embarrassed easily, so be sensitive. Hopefully she grows out of it. You may also want to get her some Evening Primrose Oil capsules, they soften the hormonal effects, and are completely herbal.

  • my step daughter is the same (16) moody and grumpy!!! I discipline her as i would my younger two and a gentle reminder of her age as well. I also make it very clear that some of her behaviour is unacceptable and wont be tolerated. Always open to her talking to me but at no time will i put up with her being disrespectful. It is difficult when they arent your own but i love her the same as my younger ones. good luck. (oh and she apparently told by husbands mum that she likes it here as i am tough on her but fair.)

  • Sound like good advice ,hard as she’s my granddaughter ,had lots of hurt in her life ,we let her vent ,but hormone kick in & wow it get vocal .it passes .

  • Ahh I am a grand mum to but i did have 4 daughters and all went through this stage between 12 and 16 this is a stage where you need be available and not to critical but still they need the discipline but in small doses, they will rebel but your love and affection will be abused for a while then when the go through this it will be ok again , you will both survive.

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