15 Answers

I know its not ideal to stay together just for the sake of the kids. But i also dont want to cause them issues which i know divorce can do. Did your kids cope well with your divorce? was it better for them? or if you could go back in time would you stay together for the sake of the kids.

Posted anonymously, 4th June 2021

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  • I think this depends on how you guys act towards each other.
    My hubby and his ex would fight like cats and dogs behind closed doors in front of their son but in the outside world where there were other adults they acted like nothing was wrong which was really confusing for him.
    People didn’t see it coming when they broke up because they hid the nasty part of their relationship so well and their son was confused as to why his dad left.
    I don’t think it’s healthy to stay in a relationship where you’re not happy as eventually the cracks will show and I think if you hold things in for too long, it just gets worse by the end.

  • I’m the child of divorced parents who stayed together for the sake of the kids, and in my parents situation it wasn’t the best option. We knew they didn’t get along and our house felt very tense, I think it contributed to my anxiety as an adult.
    My siblings are all much younger than I am and my parents divorced when they were relatively young so didn’t experience the same hostility as long as I did. They’re all very well adjusted. Short term divorce was disruptive fit them, but long term it was the best thing for my family.
    I would say it depends on your relationship. If you stay together and treat each other and the kids well, then that can be good for kids. If you divorce and treat each other and the kids well that is also good for kids. Just don’t do either option and let your kids see you fight or talk badly to each other, that’s where the issues really come from.
    Kids are important, but so are you. I hope you are factoring your own needs and outcome into the decision too. The kids will adapt whatever you decide, so think about your mental health, happiness and dreams as well as what you think is best for your kids when you make a decision.
    Also, if you haven’t tried individual and/or couples counselling I would recommend it. Individually it’s helpful to work through your emotions and concerns. And as a couple of you chose to stay together for the kids or noy it can help you work on coparenting effectively and maintaining a healthy relationship even if it isn’t a romantic one

  • My parents are divorced and have been since I was 6 years old. Honestly my sister and I knew it was for the best and we were better off for it.

  • The children will suffer more if you stay in that relationship. You just have to remember not to talk badly about your ex-husband in front of your children. I wish you all the best for you and your children.

  • For me it was def best to separate – it was a controlling, financially abusive and toxic relationship and I did not want my twin babies or my older toddler for that matter, looking at their dad and thinking this was how to behave and operate in life. While they are still so young they wish sometimes that we all lived together, but it was so awful and unhappy an atmosphere I think it was the right decision to part. Also, how you manage the split and access is key.

  • I dint have advice from. A parent side however I was a child of divorce.
    My mother never spoke badly of my father in front of me and I think that is a huge thing. Never speak badly of the other parent.
    Children learn love and relationships from their parents so it’s better for them to see you happy and in a healthy relationship wether you’re together or not.

  • I was the kid in the divorce, trust me the only big mistake you can make is talking about your ex in front of the kids, you need to treat each other with respect in front of your kids both my parents ran each other down and I hated it. Just don’t over indulge them if you and your ex act maturely around your kids they will be ok.

  • This is so tough!
    I haven’t been in your shoes so I can’t imagine what you are going through.
    Best of luck with what you decide and with what happens.

  • When your kids see both parents arguing and yelling at eachother everyday is not good either!
    It stays in their little minds as an example and role model of mum and dad. They should not think of it as normal behaviour between a husband and wife! Because it’s not!

  • I brought up my children and my husband’s children in a blended family with one of our own. My husband’s elder child a girl wanted to have daddy to herself, so she created numerous problems for us as a couple but a united front from us solved that problem. My children coped well but a move interstate meant that my son decided to return to live with his father. He had various issues with stepmothers some of whom caused big problems for him unnecessarily, but he coped and is now an outstanding father and husband. I think it is important to be positive about your last partner to your children no matter what is happening between you and the partner. – it will pay great dividends to your children. They work out what is going on anyway in the long run.

  • All I can say is please consider your happiness too. I grew up with parents who were and still are married, my dad is an incredibly cruel man and I watched my mum suffer my whole childhood. I still have very clear memories of her taking us to Hungry Jacks and her crying in the restaurant because she wanted a divorce while we played on the playground. To me that’s not a great way to grow up either. I would have much preffered to see her happy even if that ment being divorced. My mum is in her 60’s now and I know she has not enjoyed her life, it’s heartbreaking for me to see.

  • I got a adivorce and yes yes it did affect two of my children. The eldest, a boy has not spoken to me in years because I divorced his father, and he did not think that I should. circumstances were such that I just could not live with him. and no I do not regret it. My daughter said she would not marry when she could see all around her people being divorced as well, and no she has not married. I have very happily remarried…..

  • As my children helped me move out of our home, I doubt that most of them were hurt by my divorce. They certainly were not happy with the household problems, but I think they wanted to come with me and I certainly wanted them with me too. But with a partner who promised he would kill them and I would never find where they were, I wasn’t willing to take that chance. I think my children benefited from not being in such a toxic situation, but at least one seems to blame herself for the suggestion to leave. One thing I will say is that 30 odd years later I am closer to my children and they and my new partner get on very well together. I wish you luck in your decision and hope it works out as well for you as it has done for me and his and my children all get along well whenever they meet.

  • Not from my own experience but I think a bad relationship can affect the children and so can divorce. My mum has negative experiences with her parents staying together whilst having a bad relationship. When my grandfather died lots of hurt by my mum and her siblings and my grandmother came out.

  • Can’t help with personal advice as it all depends the child…the situation at home and how the relationship between parents will look after.

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