6 Answers

When my first bub was born, my mum lived an hour away. Yet didn’t bother to visit regularly. We ended up moving interstate to my partners family. I’ve been made to feel guilty ever since. Taking bub away from his family etc Anyone else experienced this? Some coping strategies please.

Posted anonymously, 24th August 2016

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  • I have a niece who wanted to move interstate. Til her mum made her feel guilty about taking her only grandchild away from her and threatened to disown her daughter. So she stayed. The mum lives less then an hour away, never visits, not even a phone call on his birthday. You do what’s best for you and yours and everyone can deal with it

  • No my parents are 4hours away and hubbys separated mum in NZ and Dad 12 hours away.

  • I basically relied on myself for baby child care. I didn’t ask and no one offered. I preferred it that way

  • I had to share my car with my sister in law and helped each other out then . I was glad when the kids were older and stopped that routine . but it did help during the school days . I think an hour is far but not that far away if you have a car or catch the train . I don’t think it is right in making you feel guilty as a lot of people need to move for work reasons etc… Is she upset because you never spoke about it etc.. My parents lived about an hour too when my children were young and now that tollway is built they still don’t visit often and we visit if we are able to , but it is a choice .
    It is best to talk to them about it as building this feeling will lead to further resentment and being a mother with all other stress is not worth it . We all have to make choices and you can’t help each other then it is neither ones fault . Talk it out and then go from there . Good luck :)

  • This does occur with families. I always point out to anyone that visits – “let’s make the most of the time and not dwell on the negatives”. It seems to stop people from grumbling and they get on with living in the moment and enjoying the time together.

  • With my first baby we lived interstate and had no family around and with the other two we had moved back but didn’t really have family support in a practical sense. I made sure I had a good circle of friends that I could turn to for advice, vent or company. I utilised Child and youth health community nurses for health checks and activities or parenting support groups and although exhausted had quite a few social outings. Going to the shop with a friends to pick up groceries was counted as a social activity ????

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