4 Answers

My ex and I are expecting our first child (first child for each of us and first grandchild for each side of the family). We communicate well, understand each other’s rights and responsibilities, plan and agree to a lot in writing and respect one another, but I’m concerned that with a newborn, that will all fall apart fast. Any advice?

Posted anonymously, 30th September 2015

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  • I can understand you writing to the grandparents to be if they live a long way from you.
    I suppose if you have a dispute you have the agreement in writing. Hopefully you will never need to utilise it. In all probablility it won’t only be you that gets emotional with the arrival of your baby. It will be very difficult as I will be very surprised if they don’t ask to see their grandchild reasonably soon after the birth of your baby. Have you agreed that they have their vaccinations up to date – especially Whooping Cough. The same should apply to all visitors including also the baby’s father. I hope they realise that initially visits should be short. I don’t know what your relationship with your Mum is like. If it is good, she may offer to help with some household chores while you regain your strength. It is up to you whether or not you accept. Either make it on your terms or reach a compromise. The other Grandma may offer too. The decision is yours.

  • yes it will be new to you both so take it slowly and don’t be afraid to bend, set boundaries as the rules change when you have a baby

  • It is going to take time for you to establish a routine. Babies often take a few days to settle as they go into a different atmosphere to. The surroundings and lighting are different. No strong hospital smell. You wiill me more emotional after you go home – in my opinion and that of other Mums they really send Mums home too soon. They may visit on follow-up but they are not there on sleep-less nights when you need the most support. If your Mum or Mother-in-law are judgemental ask them to give you some space, that you will call them if you need help. They may have some helpful suggestions – they may not.

  • Wow – you agree in writing – that’s very serious! Guess you can only see how things go, try not to stress or prempt what may happen. Expectations of newborns and what it means for grandparents can lead to disappointment – ie overly involved or not at all. Be clear on what you want, when you want it, ask them to respect your space and decisions – boudary setting. Congrats and good luck!

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