14 Answers

They say to take away the thing that matters most to your child, I’m talking xbox 1 addiction here with a 13 yo boy. I can take it away but it never changes the behaviour, which is just doing his jobs, neither negaitve reinforcement, positive reinforcement or negative punishment works. I cant let him go on like this for his sake and my sanity. Any suggestions welcomed.

Posted by mom73131, 21st January 2016

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  • I wish I had an answer for you – I have the exact same problem.

  • Such a hard one. Let us know if any suggestions work!

  • may be you need to take it away for longer. i.e. a week and keep reinforcing if the chores are done this week then on Monday you will get your play station back. and follow through i.e. if chores not done don’t give it back on Monday say it will be another 3 days unless you start today and show me you are ready to take responsibility etc. and make it clear so on Thursday he gets it back and make sure Wednesday night when he is asleep you have it ready for Thursday so he knows you are sticking to your part of the bargain and now it is his turn to stick to his. after a week don’t do another week straight away you need to then break it down so there is a chance that they will get it back and it is possible they will respond as you have stuck to your word about a week. I think most people give in and say a week and only do a day or two so the child knows you will buckle but if they know you are serious then it should work. and in the future the mear suggestion of taking it away for a week will get them into action as they know you are serious. hope this helps.

  • I’m terrible at taking away things or threatening too. My older ones usually do what they’re told but no matter how many times I’ll tell my youngest she won’t get something, she does it lots before giving in. I need to improve my going through with it too, as I cave and still give them something. I just like making them happy.

  • yes i agree with that comment about the age. I t is a confusing time and maybe your child is nervous about the next few years, and they are big ones! He is testing the boundaries now that he is growing into young adulthood.

  • We have this problem. The “experts” would say I jus avent found the right consequence yet, but I’m not sure.

  • I think your son is at an age where consequences are not going to work. I would sit down with him and start by telling him what you expect from him and outlining that each person in a family has a part to play. Ask him why he’s avoiding his chores, ask him if he think’s it’s fair that he doesn’t do his share, ask him if there is something else going on with him. Keep talking to him in a non-aggressive way until he hopefully begins to open up to you. If he doesn’t feel comfortable at this point to let you know what’s going on, let him know you’re his biggest ally in this world, you’re there to listen and help him, and in the meantime you would appreciate some help around the house. Hope this helps.

  • This is so very very hard, especially if you have an only child and you are the primary caregiver (as it seems you might be from your story). I find the balance between me and my 9 year old are quite different when I am at home alone when my husband is away for work (6 weeks at a time). You need to be consistent and try (ha!) to be patient. Sometimes this is easier said than done. It is also important that both you are other minor caregivers are completely consistent. One thing that helps is NOT to negotiate – once you have set the ground rules, stick to them without further discussions. I know this is easier said than done. Good luck and keep up your efforts – you sound like you are trying really hard. Maybe once school is back, things might improve?…

  • Such a hard question! We take away different things from different children, and mostly this works really well. I’ve got a teen about this age and I’m suspecting hormones playing a big part in his behaviour and moods. It is really hard to find what works for him too. The school assure us everything is going well there and said there’s frequently a point around 13-16 when they will pull themselves together and start planning their future. I don’t think counselling will help in his instance but that is always available. In our home, we keep a consistent approach, with praise and recognition when due and consequences when needed, and keep taking one day at a time. If you’ve identified the Xbox as important, I think you’ve done well and stick to it. Its amazing when you get through the baby & toddler stage to deal with the teenager stage. Good luck.

  • Is there perhaps an underlying issue? Try talking to his teaches to see if there are issues at school or even for their advice in how to deal with this.

  • I find parenting to be the hardest thing ever. Each child and each situation is always different. There is no one standard solution to any one parenting situation. There would be a thousand possible solutions (even maybe not one possible solution) to a parenting situation and then it would be different depending on the child as each child is different.

    I would say stick with consequences and stay firm with it. Most importantly, both parents have to be on the same page with this. The other option is to perhaps chat with the school teacher too to work out what strategies work with your child.

    Just hang in there and begin each day anew. That is how you will survive the teenage years.

  • Teach him there are consequences for each action. Rudeness = clean your room. Disobedience = clean the car. General misbehaviour = clean up the garden.
    Kids have so many toys and things now, that taking one away for a while does nothing. Hard labour on the other hand gets the message across!

  • maybe try to get him some counselling, maybe you too, so that you can deal with the behaviour

  • I am wondering if the same problem is going to occur at school. If so get ready for suspensions.
    Is there any logical reason for him refusing to do any chores? If you give him pocket money, maybe you could try reducing it. However he may start stealing to get what he wants. What does his Dad think about the situation? Is he supporting you in this issue? I would be having a discussion with him about it if possible. Your son may be playing you off against each other, inferring that either one of you are saying that he doesn’t have to do any. I was recently told by a girl (not mine) that her parents had told her she didn’t have to do her homework any more. I was none the wiser until I spoke to her parents. I was prepared to supervise the homework that night while minding her. Your son may be rebelling even more becuase you confiscated his XBox. How long has this behaviour been taking place? Can you look back to then and see if anything has changed in his / your lives? Has he got in with the wrong crowd at all? I wonder if the parent/s of his friends are having similar issues? Sorry, but I really don’t know what to suggest. Is it possible that he doesn’t like the school and doesn’t want to return or there is a clash of personality between him and a teacher or another pupil. Does he have brothers or sisters who go to the same school? Have the teachers been comparing the work that they have done? Some expect all siblings to have the same abilities etc. My sister and I had issues in that respect. One teacher asked to see my parents. They they went to the school, the teacher couldn’t tell them what my sister was doing wrong. Her final comment was “I don’t know she’s just annoying” I might add this was in the Principal’s office….and she stormed out. As you can imagine neither my parents or the Principal were impressed. Parents can’t address the issue if they don’t know what it is.
    One other thought is there a person that your son will confide in at all – another relative or parent of a close friend. If you do find out that way, you have to be very tactful how you handle it so you don’t break the trust between the other person / your son / you.

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