15 Answers

My in-laws infuriate me! Always comparing my son with the other babies they know. Never being happy when he meets his milestones. Always makes me feel like garbage when I say he can’t have cakes, sweets or bad food that they try to give him when I’m not looking. Followed with “but why can’t he have cake” maybe because he just turned 1 years old and he’s already very hyperactive so thats why! I get so much anxiety from the way they behave they also think everything is a competition with the other grandparents. And make me feel bad if I slept at my mothers etc. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you handle?

Posted anonymously, 5th March 2015

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  • I only had a mother in law and had no issues with her. She was fun, kind, supportive. My kids loved her so much. She’s sadly been gone since 2005, we all miss her so much

  • I see this is an old question. How are you going now with your in-laws ? I also had a time I felt very annoyed with the attitude of my mum in law. I tried to speak things out with help of my husband and we took distance. They live in Northern Ireland and we live now in the UK. Last time we saw them was 6 years ago.

  • Are you from a different culture as I am from an Asian background and the expectations of ANYTHING can drive you insane if you don’t know how to handle them. In fact it doesn’t mean they are any better than you , understand ? I don’t know your coping skills , but you have to ask yourself how to you handle people when someone puts you down for example ? If you are showing yourself as not confident with your decisions, easy to be pushed over , gurantee someone will take advantage of it . Perhaps there maybe some jealousy or resentment somewhere down the line but whatever it is , they may not be happy . The best way to approach them is be a bit more direct and probe a question back. Why are you saying this etc.. What are the reason should this happen etc. This shows that you are thinking for yourself and you do have a brain and that you don’t need someone to help you think. Practise being assertive and see how you go . They will back off if you do make some sort of stand and that you are not a pushover. Good luck .

  • I have a monster in law & thankfully we’ve had nothing to do with her for over 5 years, I don’t intend on having anything to do with her again either!
    I’m a very big believer in forgiveness but some people can’t be forgiven!
    I spoke to my partner about how his mother was making me feel & together we spoke to her, explained she was being rude & if it continued she wouldn’t see us anymore.
    She continued & now she doesn’t see us anymore.
    Voice any concerns with your husband. Explain to him how you feel & why you would appreciate them respecting your wishes.
    Your Mum, you make the rules!

  • I really feel for you, have you voiced your feelings with your husband? It might help and they may be more inclined to listen to him.

  • The thought of my mother in law makes my blood boil from the tip of my toe to the top of my head. I came so close to getting a divorce and I blame her for the most part of it. She lived with my husband and I for a total of three years. My parenting style was the complete opposite to hers and I know that she thought that I was not good enough for her son. In the end, I would state my side to my husband, she would state her side to her son, and then he would be like a referee and decide which was better. He would always take her side at first, but then he saw how it affected the children and then he changed. He realised that I was putting the children first whereas she was using the children as a power trip or pawn of manipulation. I really wish it didn’t get as bad as it did, but it had to for him to wakeup.

  • I was very lucky. I adored my mother inlaw and she adored me…we never had a bad word between us.
    Its very important that your partner is the one that tells your parents inlaw that HE does not want his child having cake because it makes him too hard to handle.
    As far as them making you feel bad for staying at your mothers….dont allow them to make you feel bad. If they say anything simply respond with “Its lovely that you are always so supportive of me…thank you”….or you could simply pack up and head home each time they start with their negative talk and hopefully over time they will learn not to be that way.
    When they start with their one upmanship just laugh and say “well its a good thing that its not a competition”

    BUT…do make sure that you are always polite and always remember that they are your childs grandparents.

  • Mine are absolutely infuriating as my father in law told me even though my MIL was saying lies and spreading untruths about people he will stick up for her regardless of any wrong doing she does. This causes such conflict within the family because she is allowed to do and say anything she pleases regardless of whether it is fact or fiction.

  • It must be really tough to have in laws like that. Maybe get your hubby to talk to them…

  • Does your husband know that his Mother is offering your son lollies, cake etc?? If he isn’t aware of the health risks associated with it, explain your concerns. If your baby becomes a “sweet tooth” he is not only going to be more hyperactive but is possibily at risk of Diabetes, and tooth decay. I can understand birthday cake but you can make healthy versions of them too. Many recipes don’t need as much sugar as stated in thew ingredients. I don’t like babies being discussed in such a manner. No 2 babies are the same. Even siblings have different rates of development, behaviour patterns etc. It annoyed my parents that my brother and I had some of the same teachers (I am older than him) and that they compared us. I was shy and quiet in class, whereas if one of the other pupils did something silly in class, he would get the giggles and get into trouble for it. My nephew rolled over from his stomach onto his back weeks before normal. I think his Mum got quite a shock. He rang me and told me he was too smart for his own good. There was no comparison made, by her, not even of her 2 children. The only comparison ever made is that one has their Dad’s distinctive eyes. Apart from that they are both alike and comparing their photos at the same age and one taken of my niece she could never say they weren’t hers. In fact put photos of Mum and daughter at the same age side by side and none of her close friends can tell them apart. I quelled the argument amongst them because I took the photo of the Mum – not a fantastic photo but you can’t deny the likeness. Beofre my sister-in-law and brother had their first baby both sets of Grandparents were told that if they spoilt “it” like another relative did her granddaughter that they wouldn’t be seeing as much of the baby. After they were about 2 years old they are allowed one or two lollies with no/ very low sugar content over a weekend – no more. That was their treat. They were told that was their ration. One day they ran into Grandma’s place, didn’t say hello first and asked could they have their ration. Their Mum said no and told them off. Grandma never took lollies to their place. It was only when they visited and was with their parents’ consent. If they weren’t allowed to do something at home they weren’t allowed to do it at his parents’ place either. If his parents did want them to do something at their home their rules applied. Fortunately the parents always backed the grandparents decision. When the eldest one was a baby, and had started a bad habit, one of them would say”……. is the latest and it’s no”. That way their Grandma was alert and knew it definitely wasn’t allowed. If your Mother-in-law won’t co-operate just don’t visit too often. Your husband has to back you up. Make sure he realises that the same applies to your parents.

  • It is important that she follow your rules and do not feel guilty about setting rules; particularly in your house and with your family. The best thing any daughter in law can do is stop trying to please and impress a mother in law. Once she gets the ‘measure’ of you she will either ‘back off’ and respect you or tantrum. At least you will be doing what makes you and your family happy.

  • Definently my in-laws infuriate me at times but I deal with it by telling myself they mean well and the good outweighs the bad.

  • I had the Mother-in-law from HELL! She was the third party in our marriage. She would have a lot to say when we were expanding our family. She called my husband out to her home all the time and we would drop everything and go!! She sent my blood pressure high so much so my Gynecologist would mention her and my blood pressure would peak. She saw the pattern and asked about that relationship. I told her how she treated me. My Gynecologist gave me the best piece of advice. Divorce her now before she comes between me and my husband later down the track. She told me how to do this by having my husband come with me to my appointments. She warned him that she would hospitalize me until the end of the pregnancy and how this effects the household. He could see her interfering ways and we made a agreement that he drop in on the way home from work to see her and the weekends were for us to be a family. She would be invited to come for a luncheon once a month or more if there was a celebration. Our house rules had to be backed up by her that included not giving the kids food like chocolate and lollies etc.. she could offer the kids what I had out for them. She was always jealous of my relationship with my mother and family but they will never get over that one so move on.That’s her problem. My husband and I married to become the best family we can be in our home and if they want to be part of this they can come and be guests in our home and bring their manners. Things did improve for a while but slipped every now and then. When the kids got busy at school with so many events every weekend it was easier to avoid them. Best to drop in for a flying visit and a big visit for bigger events such as Birthdays and Christmas and a picnic here and there. Keep it between you and your husband and your beautiful children. The children will pickup on the tension very quickly and they will reject the person as well.

  • they sound like jerks to be honest, i have a similar problem with the in laws but my hubby and i both try to keep our distance to be honest, the monster/mother in law only comes over to spend time with miss 7 anyway.
    talk to your partner about it i think he is probably the only person able to help. he will have more experience dealing with them than you and you wont be seen as the wicked bitch if he has words with them instead of you.
    good luck!!

  • i think that you have to be firm with them and consistant. If that doesn’t work,maybe get a little distance. Try not to take it too personally though i know it can be hard when you feel judged and compared. They don’t have the right to make you feel not worthy and your parenting style is just that… YOURS! you can let them know that you appreciate advice but it is up to you on how you parent. No-one is a perfect parent anyways.

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