23 Answers

I have 4 children aged 6, 4, 2 and 10 months. After I had my last baby my partner and I agreed that we wouldn’t have any more children and that our family was complete. I now¬†feel like I would like one more child but I know that my partner would be dead against it. I know I am very lucky to have the 4 beautiful children that I have but I would really really really like one more. Is it selfish of my to want another? Should I just try and forget these feeling of wanting one more? Should I try and talk to my partner about it? I mentioned it the other day without directly saying I want another baby and he got rather mad and called me an idiot for bringing it up.

Posted anonymously, 4th June 2014

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  • Who’s to say….you get your fifth child and then feel like you want just one more cos your family feels incomplete? There has to be a cut off point, four kids is plenty

  • I found your question and the comments very interesting to read. My husband and I wanted two children but after we had our first child we both decided we were happy to stop at one and neither of us has ever regretted our decision. We felt our family was complete with one child. I don’t know how we would have handled things if one of us had wanted more children and the other didn’t. I’d love to know how you worked this out.

  • I’ve got 2 kids and at the moment I feel like I want more but maybe not right now. Those feelings just dont go away. Id suggest just asking again.. even ask if he would be interested in trying again in the future.

  • I think you both need to sit down and have a conversation about this. You need to set some rules for the conversation though, so that both of you get the chance to talk without interruption each other. You both then need to think about the impact and the reasons for and against not having another child. You also need to think about what it would mean to you if you didn’t have another child..

  • I have 6!!!! and still have days when I feel like that. My hubby doesn’t want anymore but I know I could persuade him if I wanted to, but where does it end?? With my own reality tv show lol?? I was sure I would feel ‘done’ after 6 but I just don’t. Strangely enough I’m not even that ‘maternal’ a person. All I know is that you will never regret having that child (apart from of course those fleeting moments when you would happily hand them over to the first passing stranger) but may live to not giving it another try.

  • I feel the same way. But you have to think with your head not your heart. We are made to feel maternal and nurturing, those who want motherhood like we did. Those new born baby clucky feelings. That fullness with pregnancy. Baby clothes, longing.
    But is it these reasons rather than really needing another person you’ll be bringing into world.
    You’re not an idiot. We are complete when we allow ourselves to be. You mite be feeling inner pressure to ‘go on just one more’. What’s if you let that go by? Don’t let that inner voice beat the voice of reason and positivity.

  • The size of your family is a very personal thing, from a practical point of view kids are expensive and as the get older this only gets worse! Do you think you could wait for grand kids?!

  • You are not selfish and it’s normal how you are feeling. I don’t think there is something that I can say that will help because it is obviously a matter that you and your partner need to discuss. but please remember that how you feel is not wrong and you are not selfish.

  • I have come to accept that I want another child but for various reasons, it won’t happen. And my husband has come to accept that sometimes I’ll mention it, without expecting we’ll act on it. I’m not sure there’s a good answer to this.

  • I think if it’s something you both had already agreed apon it’s a little tricky. It’s a little unfair to ask something of someone (as big as bringing another human being into the world) when they had presumed that when first having the discussion that both parties where clear on expectations. Obviously no one ever regrets having children, you’ll always love your children! But what about your love for your partner, would this cause problems down the line? I’d maybe sit down and have a long chat with him, see what his objections are and see if there are any solutions. Remember to respect one anothers opinions though :)

  • I know you said you mentioned it to your partner and he was not best pleased but why don’t you give it another go and let him know your reasons why and how your feeling about it.

    I don’t think you’re selfish.

  • The question is: if you had another one would you feel complete or would you keep wanting more? I have 5 kids and sometimes i think I would like another but then I think of the reasons why I shouldn’t like we don’t have enough room in our house, more kids sports/activities to pay for and take them to, cost to go on holidays, cost to go to the show etc.

  • I have 3 and did want one more but now I’m thinking 3 may be enough, buying presents is tough as well as other living expenses for them and the household.

  • I think it has to be something that you both want and if you did fall pregnant without him agreeing who knows how he will react, maybe your just feeling like this because your youngest isnt a baby baby anymore who knows maybe wait till your youngest starts walking and talking you might change your mind lol

  • If you dont talk to him you will always wonder

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