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I don’t trust my husband anymore and I am not sure if we should stay together – what should I do? My husband and I have been having a lot of problems lately. I always feel angry with him and he frustrates me, even when he hasn’t done anything. When I was 6 months pregnant, I found out he had a ‘friendship’ with another woman that he was hiding from me. He was going out a lot and I got suspicious one morning and went through his phone, saw a message that said ‘come and hold me’ sent from him to her. I then checked his phone bills after confronting him and found he had been texted her up to 60 times a day. This stopped that day. Because of this we barely made it through the pregnancy together, but seemed to get there. I’m still untrusting, but I haven’t stopped him from doing anything nor do I accuse him of cheating all the time, because I don’t feel that he is.
I just don’t think I like him as a person anymore. I find myself daydreaming about leaving him, or him leaving me. I feel guilty having the thoughts but they make me feel better. I was meant to go to a party tonight and he has guilted me into staying home. We had issues at the beginning of our relationship (about 8 years ago) of him being very controlling, something that hasn’t been much of an issue for a while. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if its just a hormone thing, as I suffer from pcos or if I just really don’t want to be with him anymore. Does anyone have any advice me on what I should do, how I should fix this?

Posted by anon, 03/09/13

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  • You say he was controlling but it’s no longer an issue, yet he guilts you into staying home from a party?! That’s controlling. Sounds like you’re ready to walk. You could try counselling, but seems to me you’re too unhappy and there are too many issues


  • There are no excuses. Stop making them for him. Seek councilling if necessary, but you are not at fault.


  • Once the trust and respect is gone,there is no point staying around.


  • Wow what a tough situation to be in! I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through!
    Finding your spouse cheating is always hard, but when your pregnant makes it so much harder!
    If you don’t have any trust you are probably best going your seperate ways.
    You have a history together but if you don’t feel that you can trust him neither of you will ever be happy. Perhaps you should ask him why he felt the need to start this friendship to begin with?
    I am so sorry that you are going through this & wish you all the best what ever you decide to do.


  • It will take time to rebuild that trust. Only you can decide how much time to give it. And only you can decide if you then stay in go


  • I really hope this worked out for you!


  • Once trust is broken, it’s really hard to get back. It can be done, but it takes time, a lot of hard work and it needs to be what both people want. It nearly sounds as though it’s not what you want! You firstly need to decide exactly what you want and go from there


  • You don’t need to fix anything, it’s his bad misbehavior that he needs to fix but it seems like he isn’t going to change. Trust is one of the most important essentials in a relationship……


  • This is sounding familiar to me. I hope that you made the right decision for you and your children. not a nice situation to be in :(


  • This story made me really feel for you and i hope you were able to make the best decision for you


  • I think trust is very hard to rebuild. If you both want the relationship to work, you may need some marriage counselling to sort out how to go from here. If you really can’t see a future for you as a couple, prepare yourself and make the break. Once you have been betrayed, both parties really have to want to fix things and really work hard at it to make it work again. I really wish you all the best.


  • This is desperately sad. I think you should see a professional counsellor to help you work through your feelings.


  • Trust takes along to time to come back. He is mentally abusing you and you should not tolerate this. If you are unhappy and continuing with these thoughts it may be best to separate. Your peace of mind is more important.


  • I would of got a sitter and gone to the party later, just to see who his date was. It sounds to me like he is a player and you need to think about yourself


  • Have you been able to communicate your feelings to your husband? If you don’t feel comfortable doing it on your own, engage the services of a local counsellor to help you. Many churches offer free relationship counselling. Letting it eat away inside you is going to do nothing for your long term health. I hope you’ve been able to make progress on this one.


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