17 Answers

I am soon to become a empty nester and don’t know how to deal with it all. I have one daughter getting married in August and the other one moving in with her boyfriend so by September this year it’s going to be so different. How do you cope being a empty nester

Posted by SpiritMum, 9th January 2020

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  • I’d suggest booking yourself into a short course – something just for fun – to keep you busy during the transition.

  • I haven’t been through it but like everything that’s tough and you can’t control give yourself time to adjust and embrace things just for yourself. Good luck.

  • Empty Nesters – sounds just like it its, dreary, lonely (even though your husband is going through it too), and just the “not needed” feeling.
    Our daughter moved over 6 hours away, for her job, and we moved her out & the pain of driving back without her was beyond beyond hell, we both cried off & on the whole trip. I’ve been out to stay at different times, as her life became hectic and she needed a shoulder etc, but each time leaving her was just as bad. It’s been 12 months now, and I’m back with her for a couple of weeks, after another big move, and I’m not looking forward to the trip back home, (although I love home & I love my husband), the rip of losing (it feels like a loss) is terrible. It’s something we all have to go through, its letting them fly & spread their wings, but we’ve been particularly close, but I must say Facebook and Messenger time, where we can “see” if she ok, is fabulous. She’s been overseas for work & now 6 hrs from home, and I am a slow learner to being an “empty nester”. We do have great friends and go out and share meals together, It’s just another stage of life, and I’m not sure I like this stage…..as yet!

  • It’s hard at first, trust me, I shed many many many tears after my kids left home. It was made worse by the fact they both left within months of each other. But it gets easier. Don’t get too upset as statistically, it’s likely one or both will end up moving back at some stage.

  • One has to find new interests, join a club or do some volunteer work. Keeping busy seemed to help for me and now my children are scattered around Australia and we only can have phone calls now and again as they are busy with their families too. But whenever they need advice they are on the phone straight away and that’s a lovely feeling also.

  • My mum visted me every week haha

  • I’m not there yet, but I can imagine it to be hard and it will be life changing. However you’ll never stop being the mum of your children ! I think it’s important to find your value in other things then your children. Try to think about how life was like before you had kids, what did you do and what did you like. You could focus on your partner, hobbies, career maybe, possibly working as volunteer, friends and you could consider fostering.

  • Get a hobby to keep you busy if it makes you a little sad. I talk to my mum and dad all the time soon and make sure I pop over regularly.

  • The only advice I can give to a soon to be empty nester is to allow yourself time to adjust and get busy. We have only one child and both struggled with the emptiness left when he left for university. We regularly go to the city to see him and enjoy quality weekends with him but still miss him three years on. He had two gap years and worked for an IGA with varying hours so we started slowly doing couple things together which did help when he left. I spend time with close friends going to lunch and cinema and spend days with my husband at the beach or going to dinner. I think that keeping busy is the answer but you will always still miss them.

  • Hi yes I’ve just been through this and I found it extremely hard, I didn’t cope very well all. I can only suggest is to talk to friends that have been through it and be patient with yourself. I found also helping my daughter with the move and being involved also helped abit. It’s hard on mum but just remember it’s hard for them too. I thought she didn’t want me anymore but she still does but in a different way more mature way and it’s nice. I still miss her. Not sure this helps.

  • Find a hobby or take a class in something new. What did you like to do before they came along? Dont fear it – embrace it. Start thinking about things you can do for you. This is your time for you to be selfish for you. Dont worry kids always need their mum so you might see them more than you think.

  • It can be scary and lonely. You need to remind yourself of what was it you liked to do before children came along? Try to find the old you and her interests. Although hard it does become easier. Like the other fellow mums said, arrange a dinner every now and then also.

  • I’m an only child and we try and have dinner with my mum once a week, maybe see if they are open to having a family dinner once a week

  • It must be terrifying. It will happen to me one day too. But from other people I heard that you get used to it, and slowly you will enjoy the extra-freedom you have!

  • Like anything it will be an adjustment. How about making a night each week where your daughter’s come around for a family dinner – either one night together or separately?
    My mum is single and I am married with kids but I make sure we do dinner once a week either my place or hers and try to fit in some shopping on another day when my husband works.

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