11 Answers

I’m going through some PND (getting help).
I have a 4 y/o and a 3 m/o and I am struggling to find the energy to spend with my eldest- 1 on 1.
She loves to help with the baby, watch me cook and tries to help when I clean.
When I feed bub, i try to read with her or help with books.
Daddy has been super supportive and has taken her on Daddy/Daughter dates but I feel like I should be doing that too.

Have you gine through this?
Does it get easier?
Any suggestions on how to get more 1 on 1?

Posted anonymously, 4th December 2019

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  • It does get easier so don’t stress, the fact you are worrying about it means you are actively working on it. Maybe someone could watch bub while you have a few hours quality time with your 4yo

  • Maybe your 4 year old could have a couple of sleepovers to give you time to be able to take things a bit slower if you have to so you are able to give her more one on one when you feel more relaxed. Could you find somebody to care for your 3 month old for an hour or two while you have some 1 on 1 with your daughter. I realise it depends how quickly your baby goes to sleep after feeds and stays asleep for.

  • I think you have very high expectations of yourself when you think you have to take your 4yr old out on Mummy/Daughter dates as well at this point in life ! I would focus now on that what you can and not more and be grateful and enjoy the support you get. Maybe even dare to misuse the support you get every now and then, it’s ok :) Be sweet to yourself !

  • It takes a village to raise a baby….ask for help when you need it please. You can’t keep filling others cups if your cup is empty xx

  • It does get easier. The one on one time that you spend with your eldest could be as simple as reading together, colouring or even asking your child what she would like to do. Try concentrating on the quality of the time rather than the quantity. You’re doing a great job. Be kind to yourself. You are enough :)

  • Don’t should yourself do what you can manage it will get better

  • Definitely gets easier. You are doing a great job and surprisingly kids pick up on things more than we think, and your older one will cherish the reading time together. Maybe once a fortnight and build from that just go out for a special treat with the older one doesn’t have to be far or long

  • First of all, you are doing a great job. I sometimes feel the same, I am with them all day every day but still feel like I am not doing enough but you know what, I actually am doing enough, more than enough and you are too. Treat yourself and your daughter to a trip to the movies or a walk in the park, let her brush your hair or paint each other nails. You don’t have to leave the house or spend money to have a mummy daughter date

  • It will go better, you’ll see. Time spent reading together is so important. She will remember it forever. And when the youngest one grows up, you will have more time to go out just with the oldest one for example, and leave the small one with Daddy. Take care!

  • It does get easier after a couple years

  • Once your little one gets older and is a bit more independent, you will be able to do more one online things with the older one. Over time you will get some of that energy back. Just hang in there!

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