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“My friend has 3 Toddlers all under 6 and it upsets me as she is always yelling at them and hitting them, Should i intervene and say something or will i lose her as a friend she is 45 yrs old.” Would you say anything if your friend is being mean to her kids?

Posted by anon, 25/04/13

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  • This is a really difficult situation because it rarely ends nicely if you do say something.
    That being said, you know its the right thing to do.
    Has she always been like this or has it only just started recently?
    You could ask her if everything is ok she seems to be getting upset very easily?
    There may be an underlying issue & asking her may cause her to break down & admit if she is having some troubles.
    She could also be stressed right out & in desperate need of a break.
    You could suggest she organize a sitter for a weekend (or if you’re nice enough & able to offer to do it yourself) so she can get away & refresh herself.
    Other than that I’m not really sure.
    If you come right out & say I don’t like the way you’re treating your kids she may just cut you off completely.
    I hope you find something that works & your friend starts treating her children better.


  • Tempting as it would be to say something, there’s very few (if any) ways to bring the subject up without her taking it as criticism. Asking her how things are going with the kids, and talking about problems you had with your kids (and asking her advice) might be the way to get the conversation around to asking her “Is there anything you need help with?” without her taking it as an attack on her parenting style.


  • But how do u say something. They will think u accusing them of abusing child.


  • You should say something its not nice for the kids :(


  • How did things work out . Hope everything turned out Ok


  • I had the same problem. It’s really difficult. I feels bad for the child. It was not a nice environment. Hence I don’t see her anymore. Sad. It annoys me when I see posts on her Facebook how much she loves her princess n all that as I don’t see the love when I am there!


  • Talk to her I’m sure she is stressed and she needs help as the children are at risk


  • did you take any action?


  • good idea with the child abuse line, at least that way you know it will be looked into


  • If you feel kids are at risk or being neglected, I’d ring child abuse line. You can remain annonymous.


  • Just wondering how you went?


  • I would definitely say something!!


  • For the childrens sake say something to her, tell her you are there for her and if she’s feeling stressed taking it out on her kids is definitely not the way to go. Ask yourself, is your friendship worth more than what those little ones welfare.


  • I am anti-smacking, even though at times it is sorely tempting! I would be drawing her attention to stories of child abuse in the paper without pointing the finger at her, but just because when you sometimes read the harrowing stories, it makes you immediately want to hug your kids and be kinder as a parent. It may be enough to give her a wake up call. And she needs coping resources. Is there a good book on parenting you can leave at her house ‘by mistake’? Can you suggest she come to a supported play group with you one day? I have learnt so much valuable info from ours, and just being around other mums struggling to cope can make you see you are not alone and there are solutions. You are clearly a good friend to be proactive on this.


  • I would say something for sure


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