Hello!

6 Answers

My daughter is 11 years old and has had issues with her hair for well over a year now where it needs to be a certain way, it doesn’t feel right, there are lumps, this particular section isn’t in the hair tie, its falling out etc etc to the point she works herself up so much she is late for school because she gets so frustrated. This was only an issue every so often but now it has gotten to a point this is become a daily frustration and she has been late to school several times because of it – even missed days which can’t continue.

I am at my wits end and don’t know what to do anymore to help her. She is smart, has lovely friends, likes school, we have a close loving family. There are NO other issues at all except this hair that gets her soo worked up and anxious all the time and we just can’t get past it! I think she is worried of other people’s opinions and that someone might say something although NO-ONE has EVER made a remark about her hair once in a negative way. Even she doesn’t quite understand what works her up so much and she hates getting like that, but it is hard for her to control her emotions and just put it up and leave it be.

She has beautiful hair – everyone loves it! We’ve tried cutting it so it is not as heavy or long, tried meditation but she hates it, we have tried deep breathing, sticking notes up around the house, distraction tactics like going on the iPad or playing with the dog to get her mind of it etc. We’ve tried getting ready earlier so she doesn’t feel rushed but that hasn’t worked either. I’ve tried being calm and supportive to help her relax and cuddles/kisses etc but takes so long to calm down once worked up.. Even tried counselling but all still hasn’t worked.

PLEASE if anyone has had a similar experience with their daughter and has any ideas on what I can do I’m all ears.


Posted anonymously, 10th February 2020


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  • Sounds like she might need a trip to an Occupational Therapist. They could help with her sensory issues towards her hair.


  • What an awful situation and ver frustrating for the both of you. I used to do my daughters hair, there were some tears and tantrums, mostly related to knots hurting when they were brushed out. I hope someone has a response for you that will solve this asap


  • Hi mom160289 thanks for the reply. Unfortunately she can’t wear a cap or hat and that would make it even worse if she could because then it would actually be messy and she would have a reason to be distressed. She can’t braid her own hair and I work so that is not an option as I don’t usually do the drop off’s my mum does. Thanks for your help anyway.


  • @sezzie120 OMG I am so relieved someone else knows how I feel and is going through the same thing. Well not happy someone else is going through it but that someone can relate ! It’s soo hard isn’t it?! It must be that age!! Anything you’ve tried that has worked?


  • We have the same issue with our 11 year old girl. Same issues lumps bumps and if it’s not perfect then Tantrum’s and tears all before school. We too need some help.


  • What a difficult situation for you both. Can she wear a hat or cap st all? No good for In class I know.
    Or braid or posit to keep it contained?
    Good luck


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