39 Answers

My ex left my kids & I for someone else 12months ago. His new partner is pushing herself on my 9yr old son. My ex works away so only has my son on the occasional weekend when he is home. His gf has decided to invite herself to my sons sporting events even when my ex is not around. I feel she is overstepping boundaries? She doesn’t even acknowledge me & is always there when I have to collect my son, she always gets out of the car, always takes over phone calls between my son & his dad. My ex doesn’t even speak to me as she won’t allow it.
What do I do? Or am I being over sensitive? Should she be at events when my son’s father is not there? My older 2 kids are not his & are hurt by his actions, they feel as though they can not attend their little brothers events if they know m&r will be there.

Posted anonymously, 4th June 2014

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  • This is so tricky, because if she’s going to be in your ex’s life, then it’s great she wants to be a supportive adult for your son. Can you have an honest conversation with your ex about agreeing some boundaries?

  • If she can’t even acknowledge you, then yes she is over stepping boundaries. You don’t go to your stepkids events and not speak to his mum. That’s just rude!

  • Wonder how it goes now ? Have you been able to communicate or get help ?

  • Yes I agree she’s crossing a line.
    Sounds she has quite a grip on your ex too.
    I agree with the other comments that communication is the key, this is for all ex partners the case when there are kids involved.
    When it is impossible to communicate with them, seek legal advise or mediation.

  • If he works away you need to call him when she isn’t there and discuss it between the two of you and get him to sort her out.

  • My brother and his ex wife have been divorced for about 7 years and has only his son ( my nephew ) . Thank goodness because honestly even this has been an ongoing saga for both of them . What they did was to go through a mutual law agreement so that he sees him very fortnight and only one of them takes him . Once he reaches 18 , child support stops and he can decide on his own what to do . Probably in your case go through Legal aid if you can and sort some sort of agreement . Once you establish a routine it is much easier to handle . Good luck and hope you get support .

  • Communication is key in this situation.
    If your ex can not communicate with you then no there is absolutely no reason why this woman should be attending YOUR son’s sports activities without his father present.
    She may be trying to show your ex that she accepts his son & is trying to bond, however she also has to take your feelings on board as well. You’re Mum, you’re always going to be Mum, & the new girlfriend has to accept & understand that. As Mum you make the rules & you set the boundaries.
    Dad has to step up & communicate with you not for you, not for him, not for his new girlfriend, but for his son. He doesn’t need to be confused with thinking why is this new girlfriend putting in all this effort when his Dad can’t either.

  • Try talking it out, cone to a solution, wouldn’t be so bad if she would at least acknowledge you, but ignoring you just isn’t on. If they don’t respond to talking, you’ll have to resort to telling them how it will be and why

  • If you and your older sons back away from your youngest son’s activities, you give the new woman a good reason to attend every event to give him support. She does sound very domineering but that is something your ex has to deal with. Don’t let her get under your skin because she needs to see that you still have a great little family unit even without your ex.

  • NO you are not being over sensitive and if she talks to your son and not you
    think she is being pushy and very rude too
    if you cannot talk to your ex it is true
    then you have to try and get through to her say hello or hi if no response then do
    be polite and tactful but firm, and explain how you feel over the phone or in a letter
    Your son is in the middle of all of you now, so try and solve the issue, hope these suggestions help some how.
    I am a mum of a son who his ex deters their child from seeing him now,! hey live at distance too~ so we are working through difficult issues also,not giving up no how!

  • Your son may have invited her to his events, even though his dad will not be there and also knowing that you will be there. Little children don’t have the capacitance to understand adult concepts. Your son may really like her and be forming a healthy bond with her. Then there is the situation that she is really trying to be supportive or doing this just to piss you off. I suggest you invite her to have a talk about this issue, politely clear the air and try to get along, you don’t know, she may be struggling with what is to be expected of her in this relationship. She may become step mother to your son and it will be in his best interest to be on cordial terms with her. I have been a step mother and it is really a difficult situation. The kids would invite me to events and then their dad would have to check if it was ok with their mother. I was excluded from so many things and the kids did not think I wanted to be there. Eventually they insisted if I could not go then neither could her partner! After she remarried, it was still much the same and then after we married she seemed to relax and got the notion that I was not her enemy! The kids are adults now and she and I have a nice relationship. All contact and plans were respectfully run by her, I never interfered and politely accepted invitations. I had to bight my tongue many times though. I love those kids and she knows it, but in the beginning she was very picky to their dad about me. It was awful to be the third wheel. So cut her some slack she may be a wonderful friend to your little boy and a really good partner to your X.

  • What a strange lady. You have every right to feel the way you do. She needs to back off!

  • you should discuss this with them and try to work out a middle ground, now that your child is involved and knows her

  • I agree with what everyone has to say she’s over stepped the mark she is proabably pushing for her status to go from girlfriend to fiance / wife and showing how caring she is ….

  • I think if they were married or had been together for a long time (4-5 years +) and she was a positive influence in your son’s life, then it would be fine for her to be attending events without your ex there, but I think it’s a little over the top and controlling at such an early stage in their relationship. Maybe you should mention this to your ex partner, just be cautious on how you say it as you don’t want to offend anyone.
    All the best.

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