17 Answers

I am a stay at home mum my 3 girls are 10,7 and 5 and I have never gone out without the kids and for years I’ve been telling my husband that I need a break from the kids but he has been brought up that because he works his days off are for him to have time away from his wife and kids, he plays golf on Saturday and on his other day off he sometimes plays golf or does wash at ever he wants to relax! He also goes out to wineries for lunch and to work parties and occasionally to the pub all on his own! How do I get him make time so I can go out I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this I love my husband and kids they are my world but I can’t be put last anymore

Posted anonymously, 30th December 2013

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  • Oh no, sounds horrible. I truly hope your situation has changed by now

  • I totally get your point. Marriage is a two way street. I struggle with time for myself too. Why not write a list o the things you do on a daily basis to highlight what you do. Even better write how much it would cost to have someone else do it instead of you. Maybe if he is a financially thinking person he might get your value.

  • He is selfish or just doesn’t get it. So for your own sanity and for the sake of your marriage GET A BABY SITTER or put them in childcare one day a week! Your deserve a break, a lot of men don’t see it. I have a stay at home hubby who now gets it! When he was working 24/7 he didn’t have a clue how hard it can be at home with the kids all the time. I am lucky he now knows.

  • I agree with Anne Boyd!! Book a babysitter and go out, take in a movie and a meal with a girlfriend at least once a month. It will do a lot of good for the kids too. Have the girls looked after at friends houses for a sleepover and do the same for your friends. That’s what networking is for. Mum’s have to organise their own time out as well as enjoy it so do it for your own sanity.

  • Sorry but he needs sorting out and quickly some men just aren’t worth having, book a babysitter and go out with him and have a serious talk. Lay down the law and tell he he is neglecting you and the children and if it doesn’t improve you will leave. Also make time for yourself and leave him in charge. You are doing a valuable job looking after him the home and the children and he needs to reallise that and help out!

  • He sounds really horrible!! You work too and he wouldn’t be able to do paid work if it weren’t for you!

  • I have a wonderful husband that lets me go with the girls for a night once a month, it takes the stress of the household off my shoulders, once a year I go on a girls weekend, me and my other mum friends go to the Entrance from Friday morning to sunday afternoon, He gets a Happy Wife and when Im happy I can make him VERY HAPPY… hint hint. If I don’t get a break from the house I go on strike, I don’t do anything. I sit on the lounge a stare at the screen. Your Husband sound like a selfish DOUCHE

  • Hi there, I’m a mummy coach and have supported many mums through this scenario. I’m wondering if you ask yourself “Do I have permission to put my needs ahead of my husband’s and my family’s?” How do you respond? Listen out for any objections you may have as you ask yourself this question e.g. “Hubby can’t look after the kids”, “The 10 year old has soccer practice and I’ve got to be there” “I’ve got to speak to so and so’s mum” , “I’ve got to do the shopping as only I know what to buy” etc. With each objection, ask yourself is this really true until you can rationalise each objection. As the mums I work with begin to change their internal dialogue, they have found it has influenced their partner’s response to them, positively. Wishing you all the best. Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

  • im a single mum and being a mum is a full time job, you need to tell him how its going to be or you will end up an angry person. my mum babysits every now and then and Im glad she does.

  • I feel for you and i know of a few people who’s partners think this way. You need to be straight with him and tell him otherwise things are just going to slowly get worse till it all comes to a peak and the outcome could be bad :-(

  • I wouldn’t be giving him an option. Just because you are with the kids all day doesn’t mean you are doing nothing, you are probably working a lot harder then what he is. He fathered the kids therefore they are his responsibility as well. I’d be telling him I am going out, it’s your turn to spend some quality father/kid time with them

  • You poor thing, her is very selfish, I agree with what others have written, get in your car and go, we all need a break sometimes

  • I really feel for you. Men can be selfish and he may have been brought up that way but times change and thats not how families operate anymore. He needs a wake up call before you do something drastic. I know because I was with a selfish man for over 20 years. It was him first, the kids second and me last! In the end the love wasn’t there so I divorced him. I think you need to really sit him down and tell him that your not happy with the way things are going that being a mum is a 24hr a day job that you get no time off for and that you understand the pressures that he may be going through in his job and need to relax but why can’t he understand that you need time out as well. My Ex-Husband was like that, all for himself so one day he came home to a empty house! I left a note on the table telling him that I just decided that the kids and I needed a holiday and took myself of to my sisters place a couple of hours away for a week. I left no prepared meals and didn’t do his washing before I left, needless to say he wasn’t happy and rang me when he got home from work, demanding that I come home. I reminded him that I wasn’t his slave and that before I came along he was cooking his own food and doing his own washing and that as it was the school holidays I was doing something for me and the kids for a change and surely he could fend for himself for a week. Along with the note I left a list of things that he needed to do around the house that he had been putting off because he was having way too much fun on his days off to be bothered doing. I reminded him that as the man of the house he was responsible for the garbage and the mowing and that it needed doing before I got home. Yes I felt a little smug in doing it but when I came home everything was done and at least for a little while he appreciated me for a little bit. But like I said I divorced him and haven’t looked back. He needs to understand your worth and sometimes tough love works. Goodluck with however you choose to handle this, your happiness is just as important as his.

  • *sorry typo He Sounds like He is living two lives

  • im so sorry for you he sounds like an arrogant pig who gets whatever he wants if you don’t put your foot down about this you will never get time for you , i can’t help but be horrified at how selfish he is, shouldn’t he want to spend most of his spare time with you and the kids, i understand needing to have time off here and there but that is excessive, kinda sound like she is living two lives

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