3 Answers

For years ago I found out I had severe endo, had surgery and was told that it was so bad that my chance of falling pregnant was less then 1%. My sex drive almost instantly went through the floor. It was like part of what made me a woman and a person was gone. We wanted to have a kid, I already have a daughter from previous relationship, but we wanted another.
As with most men, a lot of my fiancees happiness comes from getting some action so he hasn’t really been truly happy for so long. He’s happy enough to get by, but because I’m lacking severely in any form of want for intimate attention he’s not truly happy.
Our sex life used to be great and he was pretty much always happy with how the relationship was, but since I’ve had no desire for sex, his happiness is getting lower and lower. He says he still loves me and isn’t going to leave, but I know he’s not happy to his full potential.
I’m not sure what to do, how to get the spark back, how to want him intimately again.
It’s been 4 years since our fairly active sex life went down the drain and now it’s barely even once every couple months cos I’m never ever in the mood.

Please tell me someone has some hints about how to get our sex life back on track, how to make me want to be affectionate again.
I feel as though I’ve shut down completely to any form of affection and intimacy.
I don’t want to lose the man i love, I don’t want him to leave, I don’t want to leave in the hope that he can be happier with someone else.

Posted anonymously, 13th August 2017

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  • If you can afford you really need to go for counselling to save the happiness of your whole family. If you can’t do that then the best I can offer is start exercising. If you can go for a long walk each day would be good. Better would be to put on your favourite music and dance for exercise. At least half hour. You will find your body will start to desire your husband more, this actually works. Make a special meal for him on a night when you both can be alone. Have entree’s oysters, wine music and easy main meal and dress sexy. You do not have to do anything that you don’t want to, but at least he will know you are trying to make him happy. Don’t push the sex part of it but do show him the love you have for him. This is obviously all in your mind and you really need to train your mind back to how it was. I am not an expert, but if you really want this, then work on it and it will happen. No effort no gain. Come on you, can do it, get out those old CD’s and start shaking it. love to all. Lyn

  • Hi, your lack of sex drive is obviously psychological and not physical. You love your husband but not yourself and your feeling of not been the woman you want to be. Two things on this, 1. I had severe recurrent endometriosis and had, had seven lap surgeries over the years and was told for 15yrs that I wouldn’t be able to have children, so never bothered trying with my ex husband. While I thought he was ok with this, he eventually left to have a family with another woman. I was 35yrs old then. After I meet my now husband, who already had three children of his own, we thought lets see what happens. We were booked into to IVF for February after we were married, but guess what – we fell pregnant on our honeymoon with the help of Clomid and after 18mths fell pregnant with our second, who was due on my 40th Bday. After so many years of been told it wouldn’t happen, a change in doctor and husband, I now have two beautiful boys. Do not ever give up hope, by not having sex, you will def never have kids, so why not at least try and see what happens. Try a different doctor/specialist and more importantly see a counsellor to help you deal with the way you are feeling about yourself and then you and your husband can deal with each other after you understand how you are feeling and why. I’m glad I never gave up hope

  • I suppose everyone has an opinion on the topic, from changing your diet to your beauty products to your fitness routine. I found this article funny. Sometimes it starts by making time. https://themilkmeg.com/love-sex-attachment-parenting/

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