88 Answers

I am a married woman staying more than 250 kilometres from my kids. The kids are staying with their Dad. The problem that i have now is, the kids are now more close to their dad than me. If i go ova the weekend , they treat me like i dont exist eg dad i’m hungry dad this dad that. The eldest is 6 and the youngest is 4. My question is , how do i reconnect with my children, how can i bring them close to me again? How can I have a closer relationship with my kids? They have been staying with their dad for 2 years now

Posted by anon 25.2.2013

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  • Not much you can do. I am currently experiencing a similar situation with my grandson. I visit as often as I can, which is usually only twice a year. He sees his other grandparents every day. So I kinda feel redundant, like I should stop trying because he already has such strong ties with his other set of grandparents. I feel really sad about it but unless I move interstate, it’s not going to change

  • I would suggest some serious one on one time with your kids. Don’t hang around with dad, take them out and do some fun things together

  • Yes lots of phone calls and letters or skype is great!

  • Stay involved. Get down to their level and do things they enjoy doing. Keep the lies of communication open

  • When you do see them do fun outings like going to a park and having a picnic lunch. Give them your undivided attention so they know that they are important to you. Even doing fun activities like making things with basic materials. You don’t have to spend big to enjoy doing things with your kids.Post letters or cards to them that are homemade with special things written about them and maybe ring them in between actually seeing them. As they get older they will appreciate these little activities you have made an effort to do with them.

  • Are you married to the father of the children and living separate, or are you separated and remarried?
    Firstly its “normal” for children to go to the main carer to say they are hungry, hurt, upset etc. Im sure youre aware, in most situations, its :”mum, im hungry”. “Mum he hit me”. I think its quite a habit the children fall into.
    To reconnect with your children, spend time with them, make regular contact and when you see them be completely present.
    1. When you see your children, put down your phone and keep it down (no facebook or messaging etc, just focus on the children).
    2. Do things they enjoy, take them to the park, kick the football, push them on the swing, set up a picnic on a rug and just pay attention.
    3. Make regular phone calls or Skype and let them know you are thinking about them.
    4. send them letters in the mail. Even if its just a card or do a colouring in and send to them. Its a special thing they will receive from you. It doesn’t have to cost money, but they have to know they are important
    5. make sure you tell them you love them.
    I hope you can improve your relationship with your children. good luck

  • You sound frustrated and sad. Turn that frown upside down! I’m separated and found connecting through cards and letters in mail sent by you through snail mail is a buzz. So simple. Send the kids one each in a separate envelope. They’ll rush to letterbox after that. Do it once a week! Go in feeling positive. Maybe take cupcakes. Isn’t about big expensive gifts. It’s connecting.
    Play with them. Sitting on floor with a book so you’re at there level.

  • they live with him, so are used to asking him for everything. Just be there for when they askf ro you

  • I hope over the last couple of years you have been able to find a way to reconnect with your children. Reading through the previous answers, there were some great ideas and I hope they helped you. Personally, I really liked the holiday idea. It doesn’t have to be expensive, even a camping trip where you bond would be good.

  • Technology is fantastic nowadays. Lots if phone calls, Skype etc. Always keep in touch.

  • write to them and tell them all the time how much you miss them

  • lots of phone calls and letters or skype

  • Hope you are able to have that closer relationship.

  • Good idea to maybe take them away somewhere for a few days.

  • Spending more time – maybe a holiday of have them stay with you over the school holidays might be a good way to reconnect

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