8 Answers

I had our third baby a month ago and my 2 yr old is having trouble with the transition. The eldest is 3 1/2 years old and is ok but the 2 yr old has turned very defiant and I just don’t feel like I’m doing anything right. She is just learning now that directing her behaviour at the baby will get an even greater response from us. Help! Suggestions most gratefully welcomed with how to help her.


Posted anonymously, 29th July 2014


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  • A new baby is a big deal for older siblings to learn to live with. It takes time, but will settle down. I suggest trying to have one on one time with each child, to let them know you’re always there for them and strengthen your bonds


  • remember to give them equal priority and ask them to help with the baby (getting nappy or telling stories). A new baby is hard on everyone and especially had on a two year old that has lost some mummy attention.


  • Try as much as you can to ignore the 2 year olds bad behaviour and dote on the 2 year old when he behaviour is good. I currently have a 5month old and a 2 year old. The two year old now knows that he will get rewarded and encouraged for good behaviour and any bad behaviour he is straight to his room. He still plays up every now and then but not as much as he used to! :) good luck!


  • My son was 2yr2mths when my bub arrived and he was the same. The time I spent taking care of bub’s needs outweighed the time I spent playing with my son. I found a few little changes made the world of difference with his behaviour. I read to him two 1-on-1 stories per day. I made sure he had food & drinks ready for when bub woke so I didn’t have to tell him to wait (they hear “wait” and “in a minute” a lot when there is a new bub around). I gave him lots of random kisses & cuddles just coz. I let him to help me around the house, put washing in the machine/dryer, stir when cooking, dusting etc. He loved that he was helping me, we sang songs and chatted as we worked. We had a special TV show (Peppa pig) it was short & we would run to the couch to watch it together. As for bad behaviour towards bub, he was put in time out, when it was finished we would have a chat about what he did and he would have to say sorry (and give a hug). I hope some of these help :)


  • Maybe she’s just feeling left out because your attention has now turned to the baby and not her.
    Is your partner able to have the baby for a few hours and you take the older two out for a few hours just concentrating on them and try and do this once a week then start taking the baby with you.
    Hope something works out for you good luck


  • Good luck!


  • Sounds like she is crying out for attention, try and get her to help you out with the new bub, hand you wipes/nappy etc, make sure you have some time set aside with her to read a fav book or do some crafts, let her know she is still your little girl and that you do love her. She probably only sees you with the new baby (they do require ALOT of attention from Mum) and is jealous and wants your attention, be it good or bad.


  • maybe try giving your two year one on one time if you can once a day even if its not for long even if its just somthing simply like reading a book or doing some drawing?


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