7 Answers

I am due any day. My 11 year old did not adjust well when we had our second baby and we still have ongoing issues. What can we do to make things better this time with Number 3?

Posted by kymmo, 5th January 2015

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  • It may end up being easier because they’ve gone through it already. I know in some cases, the older children having gifts to give to the new born, and from the new born to their siblings, can help smooth things a little

  • I think its all about including them in some way…..give them a small role to play as this makes them feel important and needed otherwise they will act up in order to get your attention. Empowering them is the key!

  • I like the voucher idea! I’m due to have my second daughter any day now and have been worried about how my almost 3yr old daughter will cope. She’s very excited and good with other little babies and asks “are we ready for baby sister to come out now?” but I hope she is just as excited when her baby sister does arrive.

    We’ve tried to make our first born feel very important and still loved throughout the pregnancy, by letting her announce to everyone that we were expecting. We had a small gender reveal high tea party instead of a baby shower, with close friends and family, she got to open the box that contained pink balloons.

    We’ve also got a big sister pack ready for her including a book on being a big sister, mini lalaloopsy sister dolls, a little kids frozen camera and Olaf USB so she can document her own experience of becoming a big sister. She’s picked out a toy to give her baby sister and I’ve wrapped up a present for her to receive from her baby sister.

  • We gave gifts from the baby to the older kids. We also gave the oldest a voucher book that had time vouchers in it. She was allowed to give us a voucher when we needed time with us and we made sure we got that time within a couple if hours

  • Maybe the elder felt annoyed about having to wait for you to attend to the baby and pick up gear before you could go out; or had to wait to go somewhere until the baby woke up. I know of one family where that happened.
    In another instance which we are encountering at the moment the girl aged 3 cried and said she wanted a baby but Mum wouldn’t get her one.
    A year or so later they had a baby boy. Recently when she was cranky she told me that her life had changed forever when her little brother was born, and in her comments I got the impression he was ruining her life because she wanted a sister not a brother. She is always asking him for cuddles and they play very well together. I don’t know if she has said anything to her Mum as yet. I know this much she doesn’t set him a good example. She tells him to do things she knows neither of them are allowed to do. But the parents are awake up to that one. Trouble is he’s confused. The other day when I was minding him he did something naughty and I told him no plus tried to explain the reason why. His reply was”…..do”. He isn’t 3 yet and doesn’t understand that she isn’t supposed to be doing it either.

  • When they come to the hospital to see the baby for the first time have them give a gift to the baby and then have gifts at the hospital to give them from the baby, it makes them feel the baby loves them and that they aren’t forgotten.
    At home keep them involved with every process, find activities that they can do with you whilst you feed baby, this way they aren’t left out and made feel like they are replaced
    Have special one on one time doing something they love

  • You might find the 11 year copes better this time being a bit older. My oldest two were 11.5 and 10.5 when our youngest was born and they are all great friends (now 15, 14 and 3). Hopefully both will be happy to help you (something as simple as passing you a nappy or outfit for the baby when you are changing them for the 21month old). Have some jobs for the 11 year old to do that they can do easily and can feel good about helping. Have lots of activities that are easy to access for them (books and crafts etc) and make sure you still have time for some one-on-one with them when you can. Good luck!

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