Hello!

21 Answers

One of best friends has started to complain lately about everything from finances, boyfriend issues, kids, schooling …everything! When I visit its uncomfortable because she is never happy.

I also get numerous texts from her just because she wants to complain about something. I am a very positive person and have tried to help her think in a positive light but now I am starting to avoid her because I don’t want to deal with her negativity all the time. I feel awful because she is my dearest friend. Has anyone been through this before or have any advice as too what I could do? How do I deal with a friend that is constantly complaining?


Posted anonymously, 26th November 2014


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  • Because she is your dearest friend I would speak out my concern to her and show her you care.


  • It must be hard, but it is possible your friend is going through a rough patch. If she’s not usually this complaining, then try ride it out until she’s back to her normal self


  • Would like to know what happen,negative people are very draining on you!


  • I’m interested to know how things went with your friend.


  • It’s easy to say walk away, but maybe she is reaching out to you for help and/or guidance. If you do nothing, are you really that great of a friend. However, if you speak to her about it, and she refuses to change her attitude, maybe you don’t need the negativity.


  • Avoid avoid avoid…..their negativity will eventually bring you down


  • I really like the suitcase analogy from busy little bee – such a great visualisation. It can be very draining when friends are constant downers. As a friend you probably want to help buy sounds like she’s stuck in the midst of her issues and not ready to resolve anything. Once i had a friend ask me if I was going to stay with my partner. I was shocked, I casually complained about him to vent but this made me realise I must have complained a lot more than I thought I did and probably a lot more than she wanted to hear. Something so simple but it was like a gentle slap in the face, if you can find a way to do this I think it might help both of you


  • i USED TO BE AGONY AUNT BUT NOW ! WHEN IN A GOOD N MOOD SAY KINDLY IT IS DISTRESSING FOR YO TO ONLY HEAR BAD NEWS, REMIND HER OF POSITIVES IN LIFE (AS i SAID YOU HAVE TO FEEL IN GOOD MOOD. OR SAY YOU ARE SORRY BUT YOU HAVE TO GO AS GOT APPOINTMENT. you MAY LOOSE A FRIEND IS THE BOTTOM LINE, BUT MY EXPERIENCE SOMETIMES WORKS OUT FINE. ALL THE BEST.WE ALL NEED TO TALK OUR STUFF NOW AND AGAIN BUT IF IT IS CONSTANT IT CAN DRIVE YOU ROUND THE BEND


  • It’s really hard to know what to do. I had a friend like this and I went and said something to her, it was the worst case and she and I are no longer friends. Since my life is a lot happier and as much as I miss our friendship. My health and happiness is more important. I tried to explain to hat I would be there for her but that she is dragging me down,


  • Friendship is two way, if you are not getting anything out of it you need to move on.


  • that last comment was so amazing. very helpful. i agree. if you evaluate your friendship and she is worth keeping, dig in and help her. maybe take her for a girly pamper session and tell her it is time to forget her problems and just enjoy.


  • You are her friend, she trusts you to off load things that are bothering her.This lady is reaching out to you. It seems that some aspects of her life are overwhelming her.

    As her friend, she may only want you to listen, not solve her problems.
    You might like to ask her what she is doing to make her life better since you last met.

    You can respond to whatever she is complaining about by asking her what she feels she can do about the issue.

    If a situation is being repeated, you can say to her that she has told you of this on going problem and ask her what she has done to change the situation.

    She may be suffering from depression and require medical help or at least that of a counselor. As her friend you can say to her ” I am sorry you are feeling (whatever about the situation is ) I really am concerned for you as you have been bothered by this for some time now, perhaps you need to make an appointment with a counselor, because I don’t know what I can do to help you” .

    Everyone needs a good trusted friend and if her offloading to you is becoming a problem for you, you need to tell her.

    When you meet up, and she starts on a topic to complain about tell her that you are sorry she is having issues and that by telling you, it is making you feel uncomfortable. Let her know that you are not enjoying her company when she complains about things that have nothing to do with you.

    I really think there is something going on her life, perhaps more than she is telling you. Sometimes we need to listen to what is not being said…. She maybe being abused by her husband or have some health issue she wants to talk about and just can’t right now so is sounding you out by bringing up other topics. Whatever is going on you are out of your depth an need to let her know gently and lovingly. Please be gentle and chose your words wisely.


  • She may not be aware of this; I suggest you discuss it with her.


  • Keep focusing on yourself and you source of happiness. And don’t respond to complaining. If she asks you why you don’t respond then tell her otherwise just go about your business focusing on your own happiness. She will either rise to your level or drop away.


  • Sounds like she definitely needs to focus on the bright side of her life and stop only seeing the negatives. I know you’ve said you’ve tried to make her see the bright side but perhaps you need to be a little bit more direct and point out how negative she is so that she might think twice before saying something negative – sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. Goodluck


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