17 Answers

My partner is an interstate truck driver and is away normally for at least a week at a time. My daughter is well adjusted to this and doesn’t stay upset for too long when he leaves (fingers crossed it stays this way). My problem is I’m the go to parent. I get the cuddles, I’m the one who has to carry her and sooth her when she is upset and this breaks my man’s heart. He tries to comfort her but she screams for me, and then he says stuff like she loves me more. I know it’s not intentional and my girl loves playing with her daddy, it’s just the soothing that she comes to me with, and going through the terrible twos it feels like it’s all the time. Please help me my man is a sulking mess. lol

Posted by mom62297, 4th February 2015

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  • I think because you are home with her more, she naturally seeks you out for cuddles, comfort, etc.
    Like someone else suggested, maybe when he is home, let them do things alone together. Good luck!

  • It’s not unusual for kids to see one of the parents as default parents simply because they’re continuous there. Often this changes over time. I agree, let dad really make effort to spend one on one time when he’s there and organise daddy dates.

  • My youngest is like that and my husband doesn’t go away for work. It is inevitable that you are the dafault parent. Maybe your husband and child can share an activity that is exclusive to them, such as a bubbacino outing or reading a special book.

  • Maybe, when he is at home, try to leave for a couple of hours to be with friends or shop so the two of them get to bond by themselves at home.

    Maybe he can buy her a new toy or a craft box and when she goes to you to play it with her, tell her you don’t know how and it’s only daddy who knows how.


  • She is still very young and it will take time for her to understand that he has to go away for work. Give it time and she will grow to value you both equally.

  • She will get there in time. My daughter has always been a mummy’s girl, she wouldn’t have a bar of dad when she was younger. And she is still a mummy’s girl but as she has grown she has a lot of love to give to her dad as well.

  • Yes I know this all to well ,but try let them have time alone while he’s home ,there be a time when all she wants is her Dad .good luck

  • Of course she will prefer you – you are the constant in her life. If you partner sulks, then he is not helping himself. Maybe Daddy could take her on some fun outings, or give her some special treats. They need to be able to spend quality time together but with you to be accessible.

  • Your suggestions have helped immensely in such a short space of time :) Thank you so much for your advice everyone

  • I agree with what MOM93821 has stated. I would of said something very similar.

  • Also; sit with your partner and discuss and acknowledge his feelings; however get him to understand why this occurring. Rather than him being upset; get him to work on some of the suggestions. The bonus is he will not have time to be upset!

  • As you are the main care giver this is only natural. I would suggest your partner do the things you usually do when he is home. Then she will get used this routine when he is home. Also; children go through stages of being involved with each parent. Also some individual play time at home is a good idea.

  • As you are always there is makes sense that you are the one that your daughter turns to. I’m sure that it will turn at some point as she gets older

  • You are the consistent, always present parent. It is natural that she comes to you. Even if her were working regular hours coming home daily you would still be the primary parent. If the roles were reversed it would be the same. It would not matter how old she is either, babies/children do have one parent that they rely on for their needs. When he is home do you leave him with her and go off for several hours and leave him to parent? Does he bath her? read her bedtime stories? When he is away she can be encouraged to kiss daddy goodnight to a photo. Make her a little album of photographs of her family. When he is due home, have a big build up for when Daddy will be home! Count how many sleeps before daddy is home. Mark them off on a calender! Does he phone and talk to her or sing to her when he is away? Do you Skype? When he is home make the big effort to not be the go to person, direct her to Daddy. Start by asking her to give daddy something, a magazine, anything, just to break the ice. She is so little and she has to adjust to him being there. Does he have daddy dates with her? take her to a park or whatever to build that trust, that he can do what mummy does .
    I wish you well!

  • Thanks guys, these sound like great suggestions, I hope they work, if not it’ll at least give me some time out :)

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