14 Answers

My plan was to have skin to skin contact with my son when he was born. Due to complications during my labour, I needed an emergency C-section. They took him, did everything they needed to, wrapped him and gave him back. I held him while they stitched me up and then they took him again while I went to ‘recovery’ to rest. I couldn’t rest as my adrenaline was high and I wanted to hold my son I’d carried for 9 months. While I’m grateful that he is here, and the complications weren’t that bad, I just can’t get my head around not getting the important skin to skin contact. Any suggestions or help from someone in a similar situation will be greatly appreciated.

Posted by majabx, 22nd September 2014

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  • You need to come to terms with the fact that your birth didn’t go exactly as planned. I never had a birth plan, because I knew I couldn’t plan for it. Accept that nothing in life is perfect. Try not to control everything and let what happens happens. I imagine you have had plenty of skin to skin contact now, be thankful that you have that as plenty of others never get that.

  • Plenty of time to make that skin to skin contact once you’re both recovered enough. It’s not the be all and end all for you and your bonding.

  • So hard I know.
    My daughter was born prem with a weight of 880 gm. They directly scooped her away (I didn’t even get to see her) to check her. My husband got to watch that moment but not me, laying there on the table. They then placed her in an incubator and I didn’t get to hold her till she was a week old.
    Realise how special it is to be able to hold her now and make up for all the missed cuddles !

  • Make up for lost time by having lots of skin to skin now. It’s never too late to show you love your kids

  • I understand how you feel. You can make up for it now as much as you like. Enjoy

  • You may not need this but I had a friend do some brief trauma counseling after her birth to come to terms with it not going to plan. She only did 2 sessions but it really helped her accept the situation. Some other beautiful comments alrwady, I agree with mourning that missed opportunity but that it doesn’t determine your ongoing bond now:) your concern shows you want the best for this baby and that you’re doing a great job mum!

  • Do not beat yourself up about it. The fact you are worried shows the care you have. You will have so much time now for cuddles and spending quality time together.
    I also had a emergency c section and was knocked out with my first, you definitely make it up and it will not harm the bond between you

  • Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your ideal but not to the detriment of bonding with your baby now. I struggled with not getting to be with my babies after they were born (prems) and it is some thing you grieve. However…you can make up for it now and have all the cuddles you want. Thankfully they don’t that seem to remember :-)

  • I had a prem (33+3) who was breathing on her own, 9 10 10 then 10 10 10 apgar and I never got skin to skin whilst in hospital at all. EVERY other prem got kangaroo care, regardless of their conditions. I was very upset, and still am. I wish I had insisted on some kind of skin to skin.

  • Being a great mum is not about having everything perfect, but how you handle everything when things do not go as planned. So go pick up your bub give him a cuddle and tell him you are in this together and no matter what twist or turn happens you both will make every experience the best you possibly can. Skin to skin is ideal but equally important is heart to heart and it sounds like you have that down pat.

  • well bub is here and you have the rest of your life to cuddle them.
    i haven’t had a c-sec but my friend had a jaundice baby and had to leave hospital on the 3rd day without her baby. She was in the maternity ward by herself. After a week her bub came home. Don’t beat yourself up! you sound like you are going to be such a loving mum and bub is lucky! You just made a person- you have done a wonderful job mama!

  • I had 3 boys back in the eighties & had them all by C-sections. They did what they had to with all 3 bubs & then I got to cuddle them for a few minutes & then they were taken to the nursery & they remained there for the first 24 hrs & then they brought them to me for 4 hourly feeds in the day time & then they remained in the nursery at night until we could take them home. I still bonded with them, but it was also good to rest up at night time for the first 10 days of their lives.

  • Just try to remember that your both here, healthy & happy :)
    Take as much bonding time as you feel necessary over the next few days/weeks, to make up for it.. Don’t stress yourself too much..
    Best wishes :) x

  • I also had an emergency c-section and did not get to hold my daughter until the next day, I was so ill during the night it wasn’t possible and DD was in the special care nursery, we were both in hospital for 10 days, it all worked out once we were home.

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