This is a question for any mums with older boys who have successfully gone through toilet training.
I have a 3year old who I have been training since 2yrs. He has been successfully day & night trained for pee for 9 months now but we can’t get him poop trained at all.

We have tried:-
– Sticker charts
– Special treats
– Bribery
– Leaving him in his poopy undies for a little while (MCHN told us to do this, we were the ones to suffer so it didn’t last long)
– Getting him to wash his undies out
– Toilet time every 30minutes for 10 minutes (He will just poop in his undies as soon as he is off the toilet)
– Toilet time reminder alarms
– Every toilet training song/child friendly YouTube clip
– Letting him run around naked
– Super special undies (we have switched to the cheap Kmart ones now)
– Putting him back in nappies for the day
– Different types of potties/ Toilet seats/ Toilet steps
– Super high fibre diets mixed with ducoloae at night (doc recommended)

He doesn’t care about being stinky, being messy or anything. He just turns around and says ‘I love pooping in my undies!’ Or ‘I love to be stinky!’ Or ‘I don’t like pooping in the toilet!’

If you ask him where he is supposed to poop he will say ‘You poop in the toilet, not your undies!’. Yet he still continues to poop in his undies.

I feel like I am failing.

Any suggestions? How old were your boys they were successfully toilet trained 100%.


Posted by our.little.t.house, 12th November 2019


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  • I used to give my son something in a present box that i bought for 1$ maybe. Sometimes i used to put a banana or lollypop or a snack. Each time i used to ask him if he want to have surprise present he must go to the bathroom first. He was always happy to go so that after it he can have the surprise box. Slowly and gradually he learnt but yes there were days when nothing worked it was accident day but kids learn.


  • Oh the joys of toilet training. It’s tough and frustrating and messy, but he will get there eventually


  • Hmm.. I think your doing a great job! He’ll go when he’s ready. I know it sucks and its confusing but I’ve found with boys, they’re gonna do what they want to do until they figure it out themselves.


  • will he tell you he needs to do a poo? maybe you might need to get him to wear nappies just for doing a poo. its pretty normal for kids to take a bit longer to get the pooing on the toilet thing down. apparently it feels weird for them which makes sense cos they’re used to going in a nappy where it doesn’t hang or anything.


  • Back to pull ups and wait bit longer maybe? That would be so frustrating for you.


  • Maybe it’s too much. Pretend it doesn’t matter for a while then start training again. Boys usually take longer to train


  • Sounds like he is using it to be assertive, so in some way you need to put the decision back onto him, maybe give it a rest for awhile and when changing him do not say anything, do not make a fuss. Does he have siblings or cousins that you can praise in front of him when they use the toilet? When he hears others getting praised for using the toilet he may change his mind especially if changing nappies becomes so boring and un-eventful.


  • My niece went through a phase of not wanting to poop. She would scream every time she was put on the toilet or potty. Turned out she had been constipated which had caused an anal fissure. Every time she tried to poo after, it reopened the fissure and hurt


  • Maybe he’s just not ready yet. It sounds like there’s been a lot of emphasis on it so maybe take a break for a few months and come back to it. Try not to make a big deal of it otherwise it can turn into a battle of wills.


  • We had difficulty with our oldest, but it was different in a way, so I am not sure if this will be of help. I think he was squeamish of pooing on the loo and preferred to use the nappy and for us to change him and take care of it. A health nurse suggested we pop him in an empty bath when he pooed, hand him a fresh nappy and tell him he had to change himself. It felt cruel, but doing that once seemed to change his mindset and he decided using the toilet was a better option than doing that again.


  • Maybe he’s just not quite ready yet. Give him a few weeks off with less pressure and then try again?


  • I’m in the same situation with my 3 year old daughter – I have tried a few things but I think she is just not ready yet. she used the toilet for wee like a champion. She’s stubborn so I’m just going to ride it out


  • I too think he will do it when he is ready. Did your maternal health nurse offer any ideas?


  • I am so interested as well


  • Firstly; You are not failing.
    He’s only 3yr old. Seems you tried a lot and in my opinion a bit too much. I would stop trying for a while and pick it up when HE is ready. My son was 4yrs old when he started doing the poo on the toilet and still had the odd poo accident when he was 5yrs old.


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