10 Answers

Id love advise on how to not feel like piggy in the middle between my 9 year old son and my husband. My husband is forthright in how he believe children should act and behave, and is also short on patience, whereas my son is picking up on our inconsistencies with parenting and is now ‘pushing back’ and in some cases being really rude to me and my husband. How can I get them both on the same page? How do I et my husband to see that grabbing our sons attention first before yelling at him is key, and have more patience is essential with raising kids? How do I get our son to realise that my we both want him to be respectful of those around him, and grow up to be a well rounded young man?

Posted by hologro, 9th June 2016

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  • How does it go now ? Have things improved ?

  • You need to start with your husband, as he’s the adult. Could you convince him to go to a parenting class with you? This might help you open the conversation in a positive way.

  • I think you and your husband need to have a talk first about what is happening and how to handle it. Then have a chat to your son and have a united front when it comes to discipline.

  • I agree that getting someone professionally trained may help. It’s hard to change behaviours and having a third person guiding you can remove some of the pressure.

  • Also, getting someone trained in the area to help with communication may be useful. Everyone, at times, needs help, good on you for asking this community as a first point.

  • You and your husband should be on 1 line and consistent towards your son. You as parents like your son to behave well, you as parents should behave well too and set an example in your behaviour (listen, be respectful, be patient, no yelling, etc). First of all you need some good conversation with your husband I think to come on 1 line indeed and then some good conversations together with your son.

  • No parent should be in the middle. Parents should be united in their approach when parenting their children. Maybe some sessions on how to be united and parent – parents always need to develop new skills. We expect our children to listen and learn and parents need to do the same. There are also plenty of good books and resources for parents in how to communicate respectfully with children and develop good communication which in turn improves relationships and builds confidence.

  • You and your husband must be united. I don’t believe yelling will work. Talking with your child in a calm manner will be more effective. You must let your son know what it is that you want from him, or what you want him to stop doing. Give him reasons for why you want things done a certain way. Praise him when he’s doing something right, and find an appropriate punishment when he is doing something wrong. Usually taking away something they really like or want will get their attention. Be consistent. Good luck.

  • I agree with the previous comment, also your husband has to realize if he is just going to yell at him over every little think the kid will act out and have little respect for him.. If he wants your son to behave and respect people.. The dad has to take the lead and not lash out so easily or the kid will thing that what boys(men) do….

  • start by not undermining each other in front of the child, if you have a problem talk to your husband about it while the child is out of the room, unless the child is in some sort of physical danger that is. Kids will always play you off against each other, they are not silly

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