22 Answers

my god mother passed away from cancer last Friday age 60. she was a young fit lady who was there whenever I needed her. I having trouble trying to move on like its okay, just continue on your daily life but I’m stuck here lost in thoughts and motivation. I stress eat and ive been working hard to lose weight. ive slowly put the weight back on but I don’t want to put the weight back on. ive missed my godmother badly. ive found out that my godmother doesn’t want a funeral…her children (adults now with their young children youngest is 6) have farewell my godmother to be cremated. this is a first for me to hear for somebody not wanting a funeral. so I feel like I’m stuck not knowing when can I move and farewell my godmother too…how did you cope and was able to keep going with everyday things? I do have a 7 and 9 yr old but they don’t understand how I feel. only one thing tonight is that ive booked myself for blood bank donate as my godmother lost so much blood in a period of 3 days having 5litres of blood…turned out the chemo drugs that she was having was causing so much problems with her blood. so ive given 1 step in doing something that I think its good enough for her. I need some advice please.

Posted by jacqbeckett, 29th June 2016

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  • Sorry to hear your loss. Our family lost someone close recently and what I found helped is planting a remembrance tree In a pot or in your garden. Poetry also helps me because it takes my mind of it

  • It is difficult to recover from the passing of a loved one, everyone who has had the experience will tell you that time will heal. Your godmother’s passing had certainly made an impact on your life, grieve as you will, do good things in her name is worthwhile. Get out and take in the fresh air and sunshine, do some exercise and eat healthy food with your children. Continue your life and make your godmother proud. Take care, Missey.

  • There is no blanket answer to this. Everyone is different and takes different amount of times to start recovering. Be kind to yourself and do whatever you feel you need to do to cope

  • Noone can tell you how long to grieve for. I too am sorry for your loss. I had my Grandmother pass away last year and I miss her terribly. If it effecting your day to day life consider seeing a psychologist, sometimes it helps to speak to an outsider. Look after yourself xo

  • Ask the family if you can attend the cremation… as she doesn’t want a funeral I have found out the same is with my in laws recently… We told them if they wanted to be cremated that we would like for their ashes to be buried in the same cemetery our son was… But they have told us they want their ashed disposed off….. Im a little pissed at this… As we are the ones left behind grieving if this was to happen…. I hope you find some closure as people have their wishes which we need to dea with…

  • There is no way to recover from the passing of a loved one. We just learn to live with the pain. I lost my nanna ( dads mum) and pop (mums dad) along with my sons grandfather all in 2011. In 2014 i lost my dad. In 2015 lost my other pop and it all still hurts. People grieve differently and there is no right way or right time. There will be great days where you’ll be preoccupied and stop for a moment and feel bad for living your life, for smiling and for enjoying life but dont… our loved ones want us to be happy and not dwell on death. They watch over us and continue to be proud of the choices we make. Donating blood is an amazing choice, getting back into yoir exercise will be a great choice. Remembering your god mother and all the good things is a great choice. Enjoying the sunshine, taking a deep breath of fresh air and smiling is a great choice. All choices she would be proud to look down and see you making.

  • always tragedy when we loose someone we love. After my father passed away he was in England and I was in Australia I was devastated. I would se things he would have liked or I wanted to tell him. Eventually I would look upwards and in my mind say did you see that Dad? it made me feel closer to him.And they do remain in our hearts and memory.So I do feel for you she loved you and you loved her, so that is a great gift. Your also doing things she would have liked and she is very proud of you and your love for her. All the best in your journey. In your heart as said she is still with you

  • I am sorry for your loss – but you have taken one first step in giving blood. I do hope you continue to do this as it will be a reminder of your godmother every time you go and that you are doing something good while you remember her.
    Grief is one of those things that is only worked through slowly – I do hope that you and the rest of her family can do something together in commemoration of her life, but your grief is personal and only you can work out what is best for you.
    I still talk to my dad even though he died over 20 years ago, and to my first husband who died 50 years ago, and still think of the cuddles I had with my son who died almost 50 years ago.
    All of them had their ashes scattered as was their wish at the time, but I also talk to my mum at her graveside and it helps me get through whatever is my current grief at the time.
    We all deal with grief differently and I’m sure you will eventually find a way through.

  • I think your blood donation was a wonderful step forward as you think of positive ways to deal with the awful loss. It is still very early days. Talking to the family about their plans for farewell might be a good idea since it might be possible for you to join in with the cremation; or ask them if they would like to join with you in other ways that she can be memorialized (like bench dedicated to her; or name in a memory book at the crematorium) and if they don’t want to join in you can look at ways of making your own ‘farewell’ and significant moment/place depending on your situation. If your grief is persistent then look at some formal help.

  • I’m so sorry for your loss.
    There is no time limit ongrief.
    Perhapsseek some counselling to get some coping strategies

  • Losing someone so close to you is one of the saddest things you will ever have to deal with. I’ve lost my Dad & though 15 years ago I still miss him dearly. You have to go through the process of grieving but only time will heal the raw sadness & let your mind remember the wonderful memories which will lessen the grief. Tell your children how you feel, I’m sure they can understand how you feel. Talk to even strangers as most people are good listeners & understand what you are going through. Take care.

  • Sorry for your loss.
    There is no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone is different and it can come and go for years. Maybe you should look at seeing a grief counsellor who can help you through this tough time.
    Good luck x

  • All i can suggest is to take your kids out on a clear night when it is not raining and point out the brightest star, and tell them the brightest star of the night is a loved on telling them they are loved by a passed angel.. So when ever you fell he need go outside with or without the kids and talk your grief through whenever you need. My In law have stated they want a similar kind of funeral.. i was a little pi##ed when they have stated to the funeral home they want their ashes disposed of. not to be passed onto family.. . We did tell them if we got them we would have them buried in the same cemetery as our son who passed away So we could visit them when we visit our son…

  • If there was cremation I doubt there will be a grave.
    Perhaps wait then ask what is to become of her ashes. If they are going to scatter them perhaps ask if you can attend. They may be put in a wall in an urn behind a plaque. If you ask sure they will tell you what they intend to do.
    A friend of mine didn’t want a funeral service, was cremated and didn’t want a “wake”. He said if they couldn’t take the effort to visit him while he was sick behore too bad. I’m not sure what his wife has done with his ashes.

  • I’m very sorry for your loss. Everyone deals with loss in their own way, with either a memorial in their yard a shrine in their house or having some of their ashes ( if cremated) with a photo next to it.
    I lost my son when he was a baby and even now I find days are hard but we do eventually put one step in front of the other. I found I write letters to my son or talk to him and it helps me and I have other children which have helped me every day. I wish you well much love from my family to yours xxoo

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