15 Answers

We both just had our 2nd child 9 months ago and with 2 young children in tow, we’ve lost the spark and have now just become partners in bringing up our kids together or roommates and no longer lovers.

Posted anonymously, 1st July 2019

Want more real mum questions sent to you?

You'll need to check this email to complete your signup.
Ask your question
  • Everyone goes through this stage. its ok to lose a connection, it can come back. its ok to put kids as number one priority. kids aren’t around forever, just a small portion of your lives. You could always say to him the words you asked here and see his answer and that itself could help reconnect you two?

  • I think the key is to make time for just the two of you. Whether it be a date night when you get a sitter and re connect as a couple and adults not just parents. If a sitter isn’t an option then I would make time at home for each other once the kids are in bed, not just watching tv together or a movie, do something where you can actually talk and laugh and have fun

  • I been married for 25 years and been together with my partner for 35 years. We have four children and two foster children. Its has not all been plain sailing, everyone has their ups and downs in relationships. Its is the toughest job you can do bringing up children, yet the most rewarding. Men are not so interested in chit chat and board games they are visual creatures. My advice would be to do this first. When the children are asleep, for you both to do some shopping on the internet for sex toys and but if your uncomfortable with that both shop for sexy lingerie together. Bottle of wine of two. I promise you, you will not only have sparks my dear but fireworks. Have fun and be naughty! :).

  • You need to make time for just the both of you. If this is hard due to no one to help look after the kids, then when they have gone to bed at night, put your phones away, turn off the tv, put on some music, pour some wine and have a good chat. Play a game together, get laughing and connect in a deeper level. It might take a while, but soon the spark will come back. Good luck

  • Is there an activity or interest prior to children that you could both participate in and enjoy. Maybe set aside some time for this even ‘pop’ it on a calendar or planner.

  • Make time for just the two of you. It could be as simple as picking our a television show that you both are interested in and making an effort to watch an episode a night together.

  • Finding time to enjoy each others company is important for a relationship and to share an activity keeps the spark alive; a grazing platter and dvd night once everyone is in bed is a relaxing and bonding time; taking time to chat about plans and dreams for the future also helps with staying grounded in the moment but knowing there is a less hectic future ahead; taking some time for a date afternoon or evening (if it is a possibility) is good for couple time.

  • I think as long as you still get along and can laugh together, you’re doing just fine. This is a really hard stage and its more important to keep the emotional bond over the physical one. If you can do that then the spark will come back on its own when things settle in a bit.

  • I think remembering that life is full of ebbs and flows helps. It’s so hard in the early years of parenting to find time together.
    I personally, find checking the way I say things, making them more positive improves are connection and thus makes us both happier. So instead of “why can’t you take the bin out?” changes to “it helps my day run smoother if you take the bin out, Thanks for doing it for me” etc.
    Start with the basics and the rest will follow

  • I would try to research some free advice off professionals whom study and know that in that particular field of relationship. There is Relationships Australia and also if you google “free relationship advice” a few things should catch your eye. Wishing you the best to you and your family.

  • Take time for yourselves when you can. It’s a hectic time so it’s not easy but if you make time you will reconnect.

  • I find it helps to just make time to be together. After the kids go to bed we cuddle on the couch and watch a movie or play a board game. I like to make sure we chat about non-kid things often. If you have someone to babysit you could go on a date, we just have our dates at home when the kids sleep. Something as simple as a glass of wine and sharing some chocolate. Just couple time. Also, making an effort to cuddle and kiss often really helps get back into couple mode.

  • Well you are both in the middle of the hard slog, it is perhaps the easiest time to lose sight of your partner/husband/wife, but keep talking as communication is essential, but not criticism. And do get babysitters and go out, but do it now, we waited so long to do that, my hubby and I had almost forgotten how to be anything other than parents. Appreciate the other in everything they do for you all and hopefully your husband will do the same. Then suddenly you will realise that a couple of years have passed and you have some ‘free time’ because the kids don’t want you to watch everything they do. You are both obviously doing a great job and are both focused on what is important, but your relationship is important too and needs to be fed with care and love.

  • You just need to give it time! After our second baby came along I was confined to our room as I needed to lay down and feed the baby. It was ok till my in-laws came to stay. Then I got very quick visits that went a little something like “the baby is asleep. Put him down and come see my parents” (baby was feeding), “I’m making lunch for everyone what do you want… hurry up or I’m going” after 30 seconds think time “I’m busy” when I called him for something… apparently the midwife coming to check up on me and the baby was enough reason for his schedule to come free, just for the visit. Our youngest is now 3.5 and we have our days and moments. My husband and I have been together 17 yrs and married for 8. You do sometimes go through the patches. I’m not saying we are like we are in the beginning of the relationship, but we are still loving and supportive of each other. Relationships and babies often have the same advice “give it time and this too shall pass!”

  • At this stage, parenting is the hardest gig you’ll come across.
    Take some time to yourselves, get a baby sitter etc and take yourselves out for some reconnection time. It’s a hard slog so appreciate everything the other parent does and keep talking to each other, all the time!

Post you answer
Like Facebook page

LIKE MoM on Facebook

Add a photo
Your MoM account

Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your answer and join MoM:

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just a star rating?

Write A Rating Just A Star Rating