26 Answers

My mum has been smoking for a while now. She says she only has 1 a day but has developed a really nasty sounding cough. She’s been to the Dr and had antibiotics etc but its not clearing up. Makes me want to vomit every time I hear it. She had a reaction to some dirt particles in the air when they were doing earth works at their place a few years ago and ended up in hospital on a ventilator. That was the scariest thing I have ever seen! I don’t want to ever have to see that again or now for my daughter to have to see her beloved Grammy like that. She promised me she would quit when my daughter was born but its almost 3.5years later and she’s still going. She says it helps calm her from all the stress in her life but surely there has got to be something better?! I can’t stand even the slightest smell of cigarette smoke so have ever smoked myself, I don’t know the addictive nature of it.
Does anyone have any suggestions of ways I can talk to her about giving it up? Or if you have given up yourself, what did you find was the best way to do it?
I realise that she has to want to do it for herself too but if there is any way I can encourage her then that would be great!! Thanks :)

Posted by Mummytoabeautifulprincess, 30th December 2015

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  • Im sorry to say but no matter what, its not your place to ask someone to quit! its an addiction, they have to want to do it for their own reasons. You can show her the reasons, ie family, money etc but unless she is ready and wants to she will resent you

  • Perhaps she could try an e-cigarette to see if that helps with the addiction.

  • The best way for me was to do it for my little boy – I didn’t want him to have to smell it/breathe it etc.

    Personally I quit cold turkey and never looked back once. However for someone who doesn’t have this kind of reason to do it could find it difficult. Let her know that you know she is suffering and it frightens you, and remind her that she promised to quit once your girl was born and that she hasn’t yet. Remind her that her granddaugter wants to have her Grammy around as she grows up. It may help :)

  • I think your mum needs to be ready to commit to quitting smoking before she can actually start to quit smoking. Unfortunately there is a lot of evidence to suggest that shock tactics don’t work with quitting smoking. Perhaps you’re best to go to a psychologist to talk about ways of dealing with behaviour modification and I think there’s also a government program to help with quitting smoking. I hope you can pick up some ideas from MoM answers to help her starting.

  • Like another mom a young Mum I know gave up smoking while she was pregnant, and eventually permanently. As a reward, the grandparents minded the two children (past the baby stage) and her husband took her away on a short cruise. In actual fact she had saved that amount of money by not smoking. A couple of years later they went on a longer cruise whilst the grandparents minded the children who were older and more independent by then which made it easier for the grandparents.
    A friend I know was a heavy smoker. Her husband died from Lung Cancer – he was a chain smoker. The parents of the grandchildren gave her an ultimatum to give up smoking as they were worried she would succumb to cancer too and they would not allow their children near the smoking air. It is scary seeing babies/ toddlers etc. in hospitals from breathing cigarette smoke. One Mum was actually smoking while breastfeeding her baby. The baby was inhaling the smoke while trying to feed. I agree, give support to those who attempt and hopefully succeed. If you are a Mum think of the welfare of your children. One of the girls I went to school with wheezed if her father was near her when he smoked.

  • Apparently it is one of the most difficult habits to break. Is there some incentive you can offer her? But you do need to tell her how you feel and you are worried about her. good luck as you don’t want to upset your relationship with her.

  • It is difficult to convince someone to give up if they are not ready. You can tell her how you feel about the situation and be there to support her decision.

  • i had a mate get told to take a walk through the hospital, from her doc. apparently most of the ward was filled due to smoking issues. scared my mate, off the ciggies!

  • The best thing about family is that you can be honest to the point of being brutal. If it were my mum I’d harass her until she came to her senses. I’d bombard her with information and statistics and not to mention playing the guilt card about exposing my kids to second hand smoke.
    I appreciate that others might not have the same type of relationship with their mums but if you think you can be brutally honest and still maintain your relationship then I’d do it. I’d think twice if I thought it would put a wedge in the relationship though.
    Good luck with it. I hope your mum’s cough is better soon.

  • I gave up almost a year ago now and I understand the whole 1 or 2 a day to release stress. I bought a boxing bag instead. But the real truth is you unfortuantely can’t make any quit, it has to tbe their choice otherwise it won’t work. good luck.

  • With any addiction you can’t make someone stop just by telling them to do so or give them a lecture on what may happen if they don’t stop. Instead try talking to them about how it makes you feel and the fact that her cough hasn’t subsided. Hopefully she then won’t feel judged or guilted. Try to come up with ideas with her to reduce her stress in other ways! All the best!

  • Maybe just reiterate the risks associated with smoking. My dad was a heavy smoker and it wasn’t until he had a health scare that resulted in a quadruple bypass that he finally quit. So maybe she needs to come to the realisation that her bad habit may shorten her life and she will miss out on seeing her granddaughter grow up.

  • There are so many methods at the chemist-patches,gum.tablets etc but she has to decide to give up or there is no point.I must say 1 a day is far better than a packet a day so she is doing so well compared to other smokers.

  • My husband smoked (or is a smoker who is quitting again) and I have found that the nagging etc did nothing to get him to stop. In the end I think the trigger for him was our boys telling him they didn’t want him to die (a friend not much older than us died).
    I haven’t mentioned his smoking for maybe years now and realize that it has to be a self driven need to stop.

  • Finding alternatives to deal with her stress is a good idea and maybe explore this avenue too. A counsellor can help with alternatives and this may help your mum along with quit smoking resources.

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