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I used to be a fairly confident person but over the years I have found myself become less so. Now I don’t think I have anything important to say and feel that I am a rather boring person. I notice when I am out with family and friends I don’t have much to contribute. Not sure what to do or how to start to turn things around.


Posted anonymously, 29th December 2020


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  • Take time to look after yourself and do things that make you feel good. I didn’t think I knew who I was any more – i was totally lose but taking the time to find things that allowed me to connect to myself again has brought back my confidence. For me yoga and meditation played a big part – but only after I tried many other things. You are not alone x


  • Talk to the person you are closest to. Tell them that you are struggling. It will be hard but sometimes all you need is someone to listen. Someone who cares. Sometimes people simply don’t notice what other people are going through. Its not that they are bad people, we all get busy and don’t always see what is in front of us. Maybe avoid bigger group settings for the time being until you feel more comfortable. Look after you, do what you need to do for you.


  • Do things that make you feel confident and/or that you love.


  • Prepare. Before you go out, think about a topic – from the news, a book you’ve read, a movie you’ve seen – and plan an opening gambit around that. Once you get started, it’s a lot easier.


  • Lets turn this feeling about in 2021! Get your confidence back. Start by joining a walking group in your neighbourhood meeting new people and talking whilst you walk. Some groups like to have a bush walk every week or two so there are outings and get togethers. (Social distancing will be observed.) You could also volunteer in your local Vinnies or Salvo’s Store and make new friends.
    A lot of communities have Men Sheds as well as Women’s Shed days in the men’s shed. Making new friends is what you need. Your local church might even run small groups for helping newcomers learn English in your community you could be placed with one person and mentor them. (I have been doing this for 50 years and made many, many new Australian friends. Your local library will have courses cheap and sometimes free, you could join a computer course for seniors even if your not a senior you might be able to teach someone. Join a cooking school/course or a local Book Club being interested in just starting a new hobby is a way of being interested in others and you will no longer feel you are boring. Your local council will have a volunteer program you could join and there is always local food or soup kitchens who need a helping hand. Ask at your local church even if it’s not your religion they love another pair of hands helping out the community. There are groups who do Bush regeneration and weeding and they are a great bunch of people to work beside making new friends along he way. It’s always best to have a purpose in life feeling like you belong and are valued and these kind of places are always welcoming. Does your suburb have a local community garden where you can join in have a cup of tea and make a difference. Nursing Homes are always looking for people to visit a lonely patient who never gets visits, you can read to then, write a letter on their behalf to a loved one or just talk about the old times. I have taken my laptop and we GOOGLE their old home address and look at the old house and area. They love this idea. We GOOGLE their holiday house or caravan park or beach they use to visit. It brings them to life we laugh and have a lot of fun. You will be so happy too learning about someone else’s life.
    To start a conversation with family and friends topic’s to ask about;
    “What are you going to do this weekend?”
    “What did you do last weekend?”
    “What book are you reading?”
    “Who is your favourite entertainer (comedian, musician, actor, etc.)?”
    “What is your favourite Movie?”
    “Has anyone got a favourite picnic/fishing spot?”
    “Where are your best holiday locations?”
    “What’s your favourite country?”, “What did you think about Paris?” or “Did you like Paris?
    “Have you travelled much overseas or here?”
    “What’s keeping you busy these days?”
    “Do you have a Hobby?” or in a group ask “Who has a hobby?”
    “Where do you work?” “How long have you been with the company?”
    “Where’s your life headed?” is a deeper conversation opener…
    “What was your best birthday?”
    “If you could only celebrate one holiday each year, what would it be? ”
    “Do you prefer family events or alone time?”
    “Provided there is good weather, do you enjoy indoor or outdoor activities?”
    “Do you have any pets? “, “What are their names?”

    You could start conversations by paying compliments for example;
    “I love your watch!”
    “Your dog is so cute!” “Do you have any pets? “, “What are their names?”
    “That scarf matches your hair colour so well!” “Where did you get that lovely dress/skirt/blouse?”
    I do hope this helps you and you have a happy new year with a new start to being confident again! Keep positive!


  • That doesn’t mean you’re boring or less confidant. It just means you have nothing much to say about current topics being talked about.
    I’m always in that situation when with my husband and others that work in his job. I don’t know some of the stuff they talk about, but I do ask questions every now and then so i can keep up. It’s more like a debriefing between them all, which doesn’t worry me half the time, but the other half I feel left out.

    I’ve had more confidence since starting healthy mummy, it’s made me feel good on the inside and outside


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