20 Answers

I am devastated in how my daughter can betray my trust. 3 weeks into a new relationship is too early.

Posted by mom92472, 27th March 2016

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  • It would help to know your daughter’s age, but I do agree that the lying feels like a betrayal. Talk to your daughter and I hope you can rebuild trust.

  • To some extent you need to get over this. She clearly knew you’d be judgemental, so she lied about it. You don’t say how old your daughter is. It may not really be your business (if she’s old enough). Otherwise, it sounds like you need to build trust more broadly.

  • 3 weeks is too early. However just be there for when she wants to talk. I can hurt that you think she betrayed you but it is unconditional love. Let her know how you feel without judging.

  • Yes, three weeks is way too early. What I’m not understanding is……you say she lied but you know it’s happening. Did she end up telling you or did you find out some other way?

  • I believe it is too early also but at least she is being open, up front and honest with you.

  • Honestly you should consider yourself lucky that your daughter feels comfortable enough to discuss this with you. How old is your daughter? Although it may feel like you need to be involved in every aspect of your childs life, sometimes you need to let them go to make their own decisions or mistakes. Was is her idea, or was she pressured into it but is too ashamed to admit it? instead of feeling cut up about your daughter “lying” you should be aiming to support her, understand her position, and why she did it. You should also be letter her know that if this does result in a pregnancy that you will support what ever her decisions are – if you belittle your daughter and are angry with her, this would make her less likely to come to you in the future if something did happen. You cant change what has happened now – so you need to make sure that you daughter is responsible for what happens in the future – be it organising birth control, or whatever else your daughter feels that she needs.
    A parent can never automatically assume that they deserve to be trusted and should be told everything that is happening in their teens life. A parent needs to earn respect from their child. In the same way that your child also needs to communicate with you and act in a way that you can respect them enough to make their own decisions.

  • Such a tough one. Let us know if anything suggested has helped as I’m sure there will be a few other MoMs who will come across this issue in their own families.

  • Such a hard topic – try to keep the lines of communication open and positive – she may need a lot of support from you from time to time and positive communication will help. I know I kept such things from my mum and I think its because we never talked about such issues. I suppose, if she is still in the relationship, then thats a positive? A lot depends on her age and your views about the person she is in a relationship with and her previous sex experiences (if any).

  • It’s important that you not freak out and stay calm. Let your daughter know your concerns and that you’d like to be sure that she’s at least taking precautions.

  • There seems to be a lot of moms with comments and I hope this helps you but I’m sorry you have not supplied enough detail for me..how old is she ?

  • Sorry you feel like it’s betrayal of trust. I don’t think many of us would have openly told our parents about our first (or subsequent) sexual experiences – I sure didn’t! I like to think I have an open and honest relationship with both my 15 year old daughter and 16 year old son, but that doesn’t mean I am certain they will talk to me when the time comes. I intend to just be there for them as best I can.

  • Betraying your trust? I’m sorry but perhaps you’ve just betrayed any chance of an open trusting relationship between you and your daughter? Why did she feel the need to lie to begin with??? Its a fine line and a risky one between offering advice / guidance through personal experience to our children and implementing rules and regulations.
    Our daughters grow & mature faster than any parent would like or imagine. Whether 3 weeks is to early or not in your opinion, your daughter obviously viewed things differently. Perhaps its time to change the dynamics of your & your daughters relationship, keep the lines of communication open, so when / if problems occur she can’t handle, she can be confident that her mum is open minded and understanding enough to guide her through.
    I wish you all the best in getting past you feelings of betrayal and that your daughter & your relationship is repaired in the near future, life’s way to short to hold grudges or stay angry at loved ones.

  • I was exactly the same. My daughter told me nothing was happening, but I found photos on her camera :( You never forget but you have to realise she’s entitled to a private life. It’s a fine fine balancing act

  • It’s such a tricky subject. Thankfully my kids are still toddlers and babies but I can only imagine what your feeling and I too would feel the same way but unfortunately we live in a time and era that children and young adults have developed an uncanny sense of individuality that results in them making decisions for themselves without needing or wanting advise. This can be a positive and at times especially in parents opinions negative too. I hope you can forgive your daughter and allow for an open forum whereby you can guide her about what having sex really means and how to be safe. Good luck x

  • what can I say! I am a nanna and only man I did have sex with was man I married (a mistake nothing in common) I am not saying this to be kind or mean. But my Mum ruled, found out much later her and my dad not married but best parents otherwise for me. But that she had left 3 children and a wifebeater to be with my dad. Only learned after I was married and had one child and went back to England for holiday. Who tells who is I think what I am trying to say.She is still your daughter and if you have a friendship with her she will probably tell you, Why,passion,pressure,curiosiy long list of why we do it but not enough to loose a daughter. Hope this helps a lot of my life was a mydtery and I am still sorting it out. Meet my half brothers and families but not my sister she had cancer and passed away. My mum got in touch after me getting told off for finding them but never met them unfortunatly

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